


Star Crossed: Forbidden

by HeartnArrow



Series: Star Crossed [1]
Category: Larry - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyband, Falling In Love, First Love, Forbidden Love, I Don't Even Know, I Love You, Larry (Caprica), M/M, Male Homosexuality, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 59,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartnArrow/pseuds/HeartnArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”<br/>― Paulo Coelho</p>
<p>Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

As human beings, we are drawn to certain things. Certain things intrigue us and drag us into them. People are drawn to different things. But some things, we are all intrigued by. For some reason, we are all fascinated by forbidden love. Why that is I’m am still not sure. Whether we had read it or not, we all know the story of Romeo & Juliet. Everyone knows the story of the two star crossed lovers who ended up dying for each other. I was always captivated by the story. I read an edited version of the play for the first time in 5th grade. My friends and family thought I was crazy for reading that book at that age, and being so interested in it in the first place. I read that book several times throughout my life. I even went to the theater a few times to watch the play and watched all the different versions of the movie. I was mesmerized by the love between Romeo and Juliet. I was captivated by their outlawed love. I always wondered why they wouldn’t let their kids be together. Why they had to forbid them. I wished that someday I would love someone like they loved each other. Little did I know I would experience a forbidden love just like them. Only my love story, takes place in a small town in Belize. It isn’t a play but simply a story. And its of two boys who fell in love. My name is Harry Styles and this is my forbidden love story.


	2. Chapter I: Fascinate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“The first interview for the job position is at noon,” my mum told me.  


 My family owns a bakery in the small village of Ladyville, Belize. My parents decided to hire an extra worker so that we would have more time on our hands and help in the bakery. They hope for me to take over the bakery when they retire which I plan on doing. Since my dad, is getting towards that age they gave me the responsibility of picking who to hire. Most guys would of jumped at the opportunity to work with their best friend, but I don’t have many friends. In fact, I have less than five. It’s not that I’m not sociable or don’t get along with the people my age, well actually I don’t. I tend to friend people who are older than I am. That’s probably because I’m very mature for my age. Anyway, I choose not to hire any of my friends because well no offense to them but they can’t cook for their lives. The last time my best mate, Niall tried to make a pie he didn’t realize that you had to buy pie crust for the pie. He isn’t the brightest when it comes to cooking. I looked to the time to see that it was a quarter til noon.  


“Well, I better get going,” I said as I grabbed my jacket and a crumpet. My family is originally from London but my parents moved here when I was young, so almost all the food we have is european. That’s probably why the bakery is so popular.  
Its about a 10 minute walk to the bakery. Everything is close by in this village. The population is under 5,000. Everyone knows everyone around here. I arrived at the bakery and went inside. We started the interviews a few days back and I was yet to find someone. Most of the people who came in were old retired people working for money. I listened to what they had to say and tasted whatever homemade food they had brought me but knew it was another dead end. I did a quick cleaning over of the bakery by the time I was done it was 5 after 12.  


 “Sorry, I’m late,” a voice said. I looked up to be met by the most stunning blue orbs. There were a piercing light blue almost like the color of the ocean or sky. He was rather short but looked older than I. His brunette hair went down just past his ear. He met my gaze and then glanced around.  
 

 “You know where the owner is?” he asked.  
  

“I’m guessing you must be Louis Tomlinson, here for the job interview,” I said as I sent him a smile that revealed the dimples I am ashamed of.  
 

 “How’d you know?” he asked. I leaned against the counter.  
 

 “My family owns this place, I’ll be taking over in a few years so I get to do the interviews.” He nodded his head and cautiously walked towards me.  
 

“Shall we go to the office?” He followed me to the small office room. It looked like any typical office, with a small desk in the back with a roller chair and a chair on the other side of the desk.  
I took a seat at the desk and he sat in the seat across from me.  
 

“You ever work at a bakery before?” I asked him.  


“No, well, not unless Mcdonalds counts.” He looked down to his hands, playing with his fingers. He seemed nervous.  


“Well, do you have any experience with cooking at all?” I asked him. My green eyes peered down at him but he refused to meet my gaze.  


“Uh, no, not really,” he admitted. I sat back in my chair, folding my hands together in my lap.  
 

“Then why are you here?” He looked up immediately, perhaps he was startled by my question and well, rudeness.  


“Look, I know I don’t have the experience and I don’t know how to fucking bake for my life but I really need this job, there’s not many places to work here and I kinda got fired from my last one. Please just give me a chance.” His blue eyes shined into mine. For some reason, I just couldn’t say no to him. He was so desperate, something I guessed he wasn’t like usually. I let out a deep sigh, letting him win.  
 

“Fine,” I said.  
 

“Thank you so much!” He flashed a smile at me that could save lives.  


“But, you’ll have to come in early so I can teach you how to bake,” I told him.  
  

"Yeah, that’s fine.” We exchanged numbers so I could text him when he would need to go to the bakery. As we were typing each other’s number into the other’s phone, my phone went off.  


“Harry, you got a text.”  
I liked the way my name sounded coming out of his mouth, smooth and deep but not that deep. I grabbed my phone from him reading the message.

_“We’re having dinner together with Angela and her family, be home before six. -dad.”_ My dad had set me up on yet another date. Arranged marriage was the thing in this country. My dad had been trying to find me the perfect girl for years. My mum made him agree that they would only arrange the marriage if I loved the girl which I was yet to experience. I was 20 years old and I had yet to fall in love. I hadn’t even loved someone that wasn’t family or a friend. Sure, I had had numerous girlfriends but only one I ever got serious with. I just didn’t feel anything with them. There was no spark, no connection. I couldn’t blame my dad for trying to set me up, he just didn’t want me to end up alone. But I wasn’t worried about that, that moment. I sighed at the text and deleted it. I gave it back to Louis and he looked at me with curiosity.  


 “You okay? What was the text?” he asked. I finished typing in my number and handed him back his phone.  


 “It was just my dad, he set me up on another date tonight,” I told him. He looked up at me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.  
 

 “I could go with you, so it doesn’t feel as much as a date,” he purposed.  
 

 “You’d do that?” He nodded his head, shrugging his shoulders.  
  

“It’s the least I could do.”  
I gave Louis a tour of the shop.  


 “Do we get to eat any of the food we make?” he asked as we walked into where we bake the food.  


“No, only the burnt food.” His eyes wandered around the room, observing the working space.  


“Do you want to own the bakery when your dad retires?” he asked as he slide one of his hands in his jean pocket.  
 

“Yeah, I like working here,” I told him nodding my head. His eyes met mine as he moved closer to me.  


“So, you would want to do this the rest of your life, baking food for a living?” I was leaned up against a table. He walked over to the stove and leaned against it, so he was right across from me.  


“I guess so, I haven’t really thought of it that much to be honest,” I admitted. For some reason, I felt I could trust him even though I barely knew him. He nodded as though he wanted to say something more but didn’t.  
 

“What about you? What do you want to do for a living?” I asked him. He shrugged his shoulders.  


“I don’t know, I don’t really wanna be tied down to one thing.” I gave him a confused look.  


“So you don’t know what you want to be? Didn’t you go to college?” I asked curious. He shook his head.  
 

“No, I didn’t go to college. I’ve always hated school and well, learning.” I had gone to a local college for a major in baking, it was only a two year program so it was pretty easy. My parents were very strict about grades when I went to primary school. College wasn’t even a question, I never even considered not going.  
 

“Your parents weren’t mad at you for that?” I asked him.  
 

“No, they were, they were furious actually. But they’ve come to accept it.” I glanced over at the time, it was getting close to six.  
 

“We should get going,” I told him. We walked out to the street, his car was parked near by the shop.  
   “I’m guessing you walked here,” he said as he moved towards his car.  


“Yeah, I only live 10 minutes from here.” He unlocked his car and we jumped inside. We kept the conversation casual for the short drive. He told me how he has many younger sisters and how his dad had also tried to set him up on dates before, but they never worked. We pulled up to my small house, getting out of the car. Angela and her parents hadn’t arrived yet. My parents both were shocked to see Louis.  
 

“Mum, dad, this is Louis, the new employe,” I introduced him. He held his hand out for them to shake. They both just stared at him shocked for a bit, but then hesitantly shook his hand. They were probably surprised I had found someone so early on and the fact that he was only few years older than I.  
 

“Hazza, how’d the inter-,” Gemma stopped mid sentence when she saw Louis. Her and her boyfriend were living with us for now until they found a house. She reached us and peered over at me.  


“Who’s this?” she asked.  
 

“I’m Louis, the new employe,” Louis introduced himself as he held his hand out for her to shake. She smiled and shook his hand.  


“Angela should be here soon, I’m going to go set another place at the table.” My mum left along with my dad. The rest of us went over to the family room, seating ourselves on the couches.  
 

“So, Louis, tell me about yourself,” Gemma said.  


“Well, my parents are originally from Doncaster but they moved here before I was born, I am the oldest out of five, and well, I applied for the job cause I lost my last job and need the money so I can finally move out of my parents’ place.”  
The doorbell rang and Louis elbowed me, edging me to answer the door. I hesitantly got up and opened the door. Angela and her parents stood there smiling at me. Angela had lived in the house across the street for a few years, so I had seen her from time to time but we were never really ever friends. She had curly brown hair and hazel eyes. She was pretty, I’ll admit that. Her parents introduced themselves to me and shook my hand. My parents came up behind me as they entered the house. We all went into the family room while the food finished cooking. I sat in between Angela and Louis. Our parents had casual conversation which I tuned out of.  


“She’s pretty,” Louis whispered in my ear while she wasn’t looking at us.  


“I guess,” I shrugged.  


Dinner was ready and we all sat around the table. Our parents carried most of the conversation, though they did ask me questions from time to time.  
  

You like her?” Louis whispered to me.  
 

“Nah,” I said quietly, shaking my head. I felt him place his hand on my thigh under the table.  


“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone,” he told me.  
 

“Have you found that someone yet?” I asked. He shook his head.  


“No, I’ve only been in one serious relationship.” Heat was radiating inside of me from his touch. I tried to clear my thoughts of how this isn’t normal.  


“What happened?” His blue orbs met mine.  


“We didn’t share the same beliefs,” he told me. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to know everything about him, as crazy as that sounded. I found myself constantly losing my train of thought when I looked at him. You could get lost in his ocean blue eyes, they pierced through your soul like ice, looking straight through you. After dinner, I walked Louis out to his car.  
 

“You have a good time tonight?” I asked him.  
 

“I actually did,” he said with a smile. It was dark out now, and the moon was out, it lit up his face perfectly.  


“Come in early tomorrow, so you can have your first cooking lesson,” I told him.  


“Okay, see you tomorrow.” he entered his car and drove off. I stayed in the driveway for a while after he drove off, watching his car disappear from my sight. I had this weird feeling in my stomach, that I dismissed and smiled to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after each chapter, I'm going to give a little analysis of the chapter, explaining the theme and importance of the chapter, kinda like Jay does(JeddieJay). I like that cause it helps the readers out when their confused and it also clarifies stuff. This chapter is really just trying to give y'all a feel for the characters and the town which the story takes place in. The setting does have a lot to do with the story and its brought up a lot. So just keep that in mind as you read further chapters. How'd y'all like the characters so far?


	3. Chapter II: Fervent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

I woke up early that next morning, taking a quick shower before heading to the bakery. When I arrived at the bakery, Louis’ car was already in the parking lot. Louis stood, leaned up against the hood of his car. A smile spread across his face when he saw me. I went over to the door, unlocking it. I could hear his footsteps behind me.  


"What are you going to teach me to cook today?” he asked once we were inside.  


“Cookies.” He followed me over to the kitchen, where all the stoves and ovens were.  


“Easy enough.” I grabbed my apron and handed him one. Hesitantly, he put it on. I grabbed a bowl and threw some ingredients into it, then handed it to him.  


“Stir this,” I told him. He grabbed it from my hand and stirred the bowl messily, getting the ingredients everywhere.  


“Here, let me show you.” I grabbed the bowl from him and demonstrating how he was suppose to stir it, then handed it back to him.  


"Do you curl your hair or is it just naturally like that?” he asked as he started stirring the continents.  


"It’s naturally like this.” He still wasn’t stirring right but it was better than before.  


"How long do I have to stir this?” he asked.  


"five more minutes.” I went around the rest of the kitchen, making sure it was clean.  


"How long have you worked here?” he asked me.  


"Ever since I was 14.”  
He finished stirring the dough. I told him to pour the dough out of the pan and flatten it with the roller. He did as instructed but he wasn’t using the roller right.  


"Here, let me help you,” I said, without thinking I moved closer to him, I stood behind him, and put my hands over his, showing him how to use the roller. He stopped rolling the dough and looked up at me. His eyes gazed into mine. He had an unreadable expression on his face. I took my hands off his and backed away from him.  


"S-sorry,” I muttered as I put my face in my hands. What had gotten into me? Why did I always want to touch him? Why did I want to know how it felt to have my arms wrapped around him? Why did I want to know everything about him? I knew it wasn’t just my curiosity, there had to be something else. I felt him pull my hands away from my face.  


"It’s fine, Haz,” he said as his blue eyes fixated on mine.  


“Haz?” I questioned.  


"I guess that’s my nickname for you,” he chuckled. I let out a light chuckle and saw a smile appear on his face.  


"We should go to the beach tomorrow, get to know each other more, since we’re going to working together so much,” he stated as he brushed a curl back from my face. Without effort, I slightly blushed.  


"I have church tomorrow,” I told him.  


"Right, church, well we can go after.” I nodded my head as he took a step back, leaning against the table.  


"Shall we get back to work, Hazza?” I like, no I loved the way my name sounded coming out of his mouth.  
Louis finished rolling out the dough and then I helped him cut the dough out into shapes.  


"What was that supposed to be?” I asked as I pointed to an oddly shaped cookie.  


“I think it was suppose to be a bunny.” I turned my head sideways to see if that helped but it didn’t, the cookie didn’t look anything like a bunny. We finished making them into shapes and stuck the cookies into the oven. I hopped up on the counter while we waited for the cookies to bake.  


“So what do you do in your free time when you’re not here?” he asked as he hopped up on the counter as well, sitting beside me.  


“Well, I hang out with my friends, play football, and read.” I found as the more time I spent with him, the more our connection grew.  


“I love football, wait american or british football?”  


I chuckled and said, “I’m british, what do you think?” He chuckled and smiled at me.  


“I’ve always wanted to play on a football team like the Rovers,” he told me.  


“I thought you had no idea what you wanted to be when you were older?” I question raising an eyebrow.  


“I guess I do have some idea.” He shifted his position, ending up closer to me. The timer went off and I hopped off the counted, grabbing the cookies from the oven. Louis let out a small yawn.  


“Do you always work this early?” I placed the cookies on the table to cool off and shook my head as I leaned against the table.  


“No, I normally don’t come in until 8 or 9.”  


Louis gaped, “seven days a week?” I shake my head no.  


“Are we going to frost them now?” He can’t go a minute without doing something. I swear that kid is ADHD.  


“Yeah, let me just get the frosting out.” I grab the different colors of frosting from the fridge, that I had made up the other day. I place the containers on the table along with a few small knifes. Louis jumps off the counter and opens one of the containers, swiping one of his fingers in it, licking the frosting off it.  


“Louis!” I shouted as I grabbed the container from him.  


“What? I was just making sure it wasn’t poison,” he sneered.  
I rolled my eyes smirking, “making sure it wasn’t poison, my ass.” He chuckled and grabbed a knife.  


“Okay, let’s frost these.” For the most part, Louis was pretty good at frosting, sure he wasn’t good enough to be on a cooking show but he wasn’t horrible. When he thought he had frosted his share of cookies, he sat up on the table, sitting beside me, where I was finishing frosting the cookies.  


“You’re not done yet, there’s still more cookies,” I told him. He shrugged.  


“You take too long,” he snickered sticking out his tongue. Louis was definitely a manchild.  


“Sorry, if I want to actually make designs on my cookies not just make them one color,” I say with a hint of sarcasm. He leaned over me and grabbed one of the containers. He dipped his finger in the container, covering it with frosting like before. I snatch the container from him, which causes him to give me a pouty face. He shoves the finger with frosting on it towards my face. I shove it away, accidentally getting frosting on his shirt. He looks down at his stained shirt and grins at me. He grabs the frosting, getting some on his finger, flinging it at me, landing straight on my forehead. He chuckled in amusement. I snatch a container of frosting, dipping my finger in, throwing frosting at him. We continue this, running around the kitchen, throwing frosting at each other, getting each other covered in frosting in the process, it’s even in our hair! Louis backed me up against the wall, I close my eyes in defeat as he dumps the whole thing of frosting on my head. When he steps back, I take advantage of him, quickly grabbing him, pouring the frosting on his hair.  


“Hazza!” he whines.  


“You started it, Lou,” I say back with satisfaction.  


“Did not,” he interjects.  


“Ah, huh.” We argue like first graders.  


“Harry!” a voice calls as Niall enters the room. Louis and I move further apart from each other, just now realizing our closeness. Niall looks to each of us, observing his surroundings.  


“Who’s this?” Niall asked looking to me.  


“I’m Louis Tomlinson, the new worker here,” he said introducing himself as he goes to stick his hand out for Niall to shake but then realizes that it’s covered in frosting and decides against it.  


“I’m Niall, Harry’s friend,” Niall tells him. He looks between us, puzzled but eventually smiles.  


“I just wanted to stop by, I should probably go. You seem busy.” Niall turns to leave.  


“I’ll talk to you later,” I call out to him. He nods before disappearing from view.  


“We should probably shower,” Louis states as he looks down at himself.  


“My mum is going to kill me when she sees me like this.” I look around the room, there’s frosting all over the walls and tables.  


“You can shower at my place.” He goes over to the table and grabs cloth.  


“We should clean this up first,” I say as I grab my own cloth. We clean the place up rather quick, and put the cookies in the front, ready to be sold. Louis throws a towel down on his car seats before we go in, so we don’t get frosting all over his car. The drive is rather quick, he only lives fifteen minutes away. His house is around the same size as mine, then again all houses in this town are about the same size. Its right by the beach, overlooking the sea. We leave our shoes outside, not wanting to get his house dirty.  


“Where are your parents?” I ask him once we’re inside.  


“At work,” he says as I follow him upstairs.  


“You can shower first, there's towels and shampoo in the bathroom.” We enter his room, its an average size room, about the same size as mine. There’s a blue bed in the middle of the room, by a bunch of posters of football players and famous singers. There’s a desk over by the window that has the best view of the sea.  


“Do you have a change of clothes I can borrow?” I ask him as I notice how stained my clothes are.  


“Yeah.” He goes over to his drawer and grabs grey sweatpants along with a white jumper.  


“Here,” he says as he hands the clothes to me.  


“Thanks,” I take the clothes and smile at him. I then go into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I turn the water on, watching it flow down into the tub. I slip off my dirty clothes and step in the shower. The water feels nice and warm against my skin, as it drains all the frosting. I take a fairly quick shower and shut the water off, wrapping a towel around my waist. I slip on the grey sweatpants, they’re a little small but will work. I throw the jumper on and leave the bathroom. Louis is sitting on his bed reading a book when I open the door.  


“What are you reading?” I ask him.  


“The Hunger Games, I really don’t read books regularly but my friend recommended that I read it so I have been,” he explains as he sets down the book.  


“I’m kinda a nerd when it comes to books,” I admit as I sit down on his bed. He chuckles as his eyes shine at me.  


“What’s your favorite book?”  
My face turns red as I quietly say it, “Romeo and Juliet.” Louis busts out laughing.  


“Who knew Harry Styles was into romance novels!” he chuckles.  


“It’s not really a novel, it’s a play.”  


He rolls his eyes at me, “same thing, Styles.” He chuckles for a another moment then looks over to me.  


“You know what, I’m going to read this novel or play whatever it is and see why you like it so much,” he said.  


“You will? You’d do that for me?” I asked as my eyes lit up. He nodded his head as he ruffled my wet hair.  


“Yeah.”  
He smiled softly at me and I without even knowing it, returned that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More character development in this chapter, really just still introducing the characters and the relationships between the characters. Also the cameo of Niall. Niall will appear more in further chapters but he is not a main character so don't expect him to be in every chapter. thanks for all the views omg cant believe i already have over 100 on the first chapter. thank you!!


	4. Chapter III: Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

I have on my best clothes for church, my only pair of jeans and a nice blazer with a white shirt underneath it. I head down the hall and see my family all eating at the table in their nicest clothes. I sit down at the table and grab some food.  


"How was training the new employe?” My mum asked me.  


"Good,” I said with a smile as memories from the day before flicker through my mind.  


“Is it okay if I go to the beach with a friend after church?” I ask her.  


“Yeah, is it Niall?” I shake my head as I take a bite of my food.  


“Louis,” I say as her eyes widen a little bit.  


“The new employe?” I nod my head and Gemma sends me a smile.  


“I like that kid, he’s really nice. Not to mention he’s rather hot,” Gemma remarks.  


“Hey!” her boyfriend say as he eyes her.  


“You’re hotter.” He smiles and pecks her lips. I want a love like they have, fun and playful yet sweet and fond at the same time. My dad comes in the room and grabs the keys from the counter.  


“We should get going, we’ll see you two there,” my dad says. My mum and I follow him out, getting into the car. We go to church every sunday, almost everyone in this town is catholic or some other sort of christian. My family is catholic, I’ve always been a firm believer in God, though I don’t read the bible often. I wear a cross necklace around my neck, which I never take off. We arrive at the church which is quite packed. The town is so small, there’s only one church. The church is just like any other, a medium size building with a big cross in the front of the roof. I step out of the car, it is rather cold today but then again cold here is warm anywhere else.  
We walk inside and my mum talks to a few of her friends before the service starts. My dad and I go over to get Coffee. We order the coffee and stand by waiting for them to make it.  


“You plan on moving out of the house soon?” my dad asks me.  


“Yeah, I’ve actually been looking at houses but I’ve had trouble finding an affordable home close by the bakery,” I told him. A lady hands us our coffees and we go towards the service room.  


“You can stay in our home as long as you want, it’ll be quite lonely once Gemma finds a house,” he chuckled as he took a sip of his coffee.  


“I can’t live with you guys forever, y’know,” I said with a smile.  


“I know, we’d get tired of you anyway,” he jokes.  
I elbowed him and we smiled at each other. I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad, with my whole family actually. My mum joins us and we go into the main room where the service is held. The room is rather large with benches organized in rows all around the room. In the front of the room is a small stage, a mural of Jesus hangs by the stage. We sit towards the front. Gemma and Nick arrive a few minutes later and take their seats. Pastor Tomlinson starts the service and says a few verses, relating it to our everyday life. I tune out for the first minutes, I’m rather tired from the night before. He then goes into something that he has been talking about a lot lately.  


“The bible says, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination.” God states that Homosexuality is a sin. One of the worst sins of mankind. God made man and women so that every man would fall in love with a women not for men to fall for men.”  


All my life I’ve been taught that loving a man is wrong. I’ve never questioned it cause its all I’ve ever known about the topic. That’s all my parents would tell me about it. It wasn’t until I was fourteen that I learned exactly what being gay was. I still didn’t really understand it, and I still don’t really understand it today. All I know is that its a sin and in our country its punished up to death. I’ve never really given much thought into it, cause well it never concerned me as self-centered as that sounds.  
After church, I went home to change and get ready for the beach. I change into swim trunks and a tank. I grabbed my sunglasses and tried to brush through my curly mess of hair. Louis arrived right on time. I sat shotgun while he drove us to the beach.  


“How was church?” he asked as he drove.  


I sigh and say, “it was church.” Louis chuckled as his hair blew in the wind.  


“Do you go to church?” I ask him.  


“I kinda have to.” I gave him a confused look and he chuckled.  


“My dad is the pastor,” he tells me as it clicks in my head.  


“Wow, I feel so stupid that I didn’t make that connection,” I chuckle.  


“You should, you didn’t realize that his name is pastor TOMLINSON and that he happens to have the same British accent as me.” He laughs and flashes me a smile. I elbow him in the side and we both laugh. We pull up to the parking lot. We get out and grab our bag of towels and sunscreen. The sun is shining bright in the sky and there is a little wind, making it the perfect day for the beach. The waves of the sea are quite mild. Louis sets our stuff down while I stare out at the sea. It’s a darker shade of blue than the sky but lighter than Louis’ eyes.  


“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Louis remarks. I turn my head to see him standing beside me. The wind blows our hair back with it.  


“Yeah.” Not too many people are at the beach, there’s about under fifty people. Kids swim about in the water, and couples make out in the deeper part of the water.  


“Look,” he says as he points his finger at two moving creatures, Dolphins.  


“Wow, that’s awesome,” I say with a smile. The Dolphins jump in and out of the water making their weird noises.  


“I’ve always wanted to swim with Dolphins,” I remark.  


“I don’t think we’ll be doing that today, Haz,” he says as he puts his arm around my shoulders.  


“I know but one day I would like to.” From the corner of my eye, I notice him smiling at me.  


"Me too, Hazza.” We stay there for a few more minutes, enjoying the view. Louis sneaks behind me and start tickling me. I fall to the ground as he continues to tickle me and laughs escape my lips.  


“Stop,” I say through laughs.  


“Let’s go in the water,” Louis finally says. We go back to where he put our stuff and strip off our shirts and sunglasses. We race into the water, only to scream and jump up when our feet meet the freezing water.  


"Damn, that’s cold!” Louis shouts as he jumps in the air. I nod my head but go deeper in the water. He hesitates at first but then follows me in. Once I get deep enough, I go under water, swimming about in the water. I rise to the surface again and spot Louis not far from me. He swims over to me. I look up to see a flock of seagulls flying over us. I’ve always had an obsession with birds. I smile at them and wish I could fly, it seems like it would be rather fun. I am suddenly being forced underwater, as if someone was pushing me under. They let me go and I resurface to see Louis with a smirk on his face. I grin and swim after him, he stays a few feet ahead of me. I swim faster, trying to catch up to him. Once I do, I take my chance and shove him under, he goes under but then I feel him grab my body and lift me up. Louis has picked me up and is holding me up above his head.  


“I feel like King Kong!” he shouts. I chuckle as he drops me back into the water. I look at the sky and see the birds again.  


“Look!” I says as I point to the birds. Louis looks to the birds.  


“Its just birds,” he says.  


“They’re my favorite animal, I’m kinda obsessed with them,” I told him with a chuckle.  


“Is that why you have two birds tattooed on your chest?” he asks. I look down, suddenly remembering the tattoos.  


“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to fly like them.” He giggles as he pokes one of the birds on my chest.  


“I’m kinda scared of heights so I don’t think I would like flying,” Louis admits.  


“Really?” I was surprised by that.  


“Yeah, why’d you seem so surprised?” he asks as he raises an eyebrow.  


“I just never thought you were afraid of anything.” Louis looks out at the birds and then glanced at me.  


“Everybody’s afraid of something.”  


We came out of the water to eat some lunch. Louis bought some sandwiches for us. We ate them as we learned more about each other. Louis likes video games and movies while I prefer to read. Both of his parents work at the church, his mum helps with management there. While his parents are very religious, Louis isn’t as firm of a believer as them. Louis’ always wanted to get a tattoo but his parents are against them. I’m glad my parents aren’t as strict as his.  


“So, you don’t plan on going into preaching like your dad?” I asked him.  


“Yeah, I would be an awful preacher. Plus, I want to do something more fun and spontaneous.” I never would've thought Louis’ parents were so unlike him. They so conservative and then there’s Louis who’s so out there and spontaneous. We finish our food and just sit there, talking for hours. We sit on a hill of sand that overlooks the sea. The sun is now setting down on the sea.  


“What the biggest dream of yours?” Louis asks me. We both sit with our legs stretched out and the back of our hands in the sand, keeping us up.  


“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it to be honest,” I tell him.  


“Well, what do want most in your future?” I look to him thinking it through.  


“As cheesy as it sounds, I want to fall in love and get married. Have kids and buy a house by the water,” I tell him.  


"I want that too but what I want most is at the end of my life to be satisfied with what I’ve accomplished.” I never really thought Louis could be so...deep.  


“I don’t want to have any regrets, I want to look back on my life and be like yeah I actually did some cool things, y’know.” I glance over at him and smile. The light lights up his blue eyes perfectly.  


“What?” Louis asks as he notices my staring.  


“I’ve just never met anyone like you,” I tell him. His eyes pour into mine.  


“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I chuckle as a smile appears on my face.  


“A very good thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter starts bringing into play the themes as well as the symbols of the story. The main symbol being the bird which is a symbol for freedom, y'all will see the bird being brought up numerous times throughout the book. The theme it introduces is fear, and that everyone is afraid of something, even the toughest people. Also Harry's feelings for Louis are starting to develop! Once again thanks for all the views and my very first kudos! i have no idea what a kudos even is but thank you! also if y'all could comment with feedback on what you think so far about the story it would be very much appreciated.


	5. Chapter IV: Fond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“How’d the dinner with Angela and her family go?” Niall asked me as we watched the latest football game.  


“Okay.” We are over at Niall’s house. He glances over to me.  


“You’re not into her, are you?” he asks. I shake my head.  


“Tell me about Louis. Why’d you pick him out of everyone to employ?” I run a hand through my hair, thinking through my answer.  


“He’s just so different from anyone I’ve ever met before.” Niall turns to face me, looking me in the eye.  


“What do you mean by different?” I face him, letting his blue eyes stare into my green. His eyes are a different blue than Louis’. Lou’s are a endless ocean blue that have many layers to them, while Niall’s are a light sky blue.  


“He’s spontaneous, and unpredictable. He’s just so, so...unique.” Something flickered in his eyes that I wasn’t quite sure of what it was at the time.  


“He’s brave, you would think he has no fears but he does have fears. There’s so many layers to him. So many things about him.” He runs a hand through his blonde hair as he glances away from me.  


“You really like him, don’t you?” he asks.  


“Yeah.” Niall bit down hard on his bottom lip.  


“As a friend?” Something is going through his head, he’s thinking hard about something.  


“Yeah.”  
Later on that day, I get a text from Louis.  


‘Can Shakespear be any cheesier? Finished act 1, the other acts better be better.’ I grin and reply immediately.  


‘He’s poetic not cheesy. Trust me it gets better.’ I went home after the game ended.  


‘Wanna go to the movies?’ Louis texts me once I arrive home.  


‘Sure’ I replied.  


‘Pick u up in 10.’  
Louis arrives exactly ten minutes later. I run out the door and get into his car.  


“What movie are we going to see?” I ask him as he starts driving.  


“Captain America,” he tells me. I groan and when he gets to a stop light he playfully elbows me.  


“You don’t like superhero movies, Harold?” He glances over at me briefly then looks back to the road.  


“No, they’re too cliche for me. They’re all the same. Some tough looking dude has powers and saves the girl along with the world. Its all fake and stupid cause there’s no such thing as super heroes.” Louis sneaks another glance at me as he turns onto a road.  


“It’s not supposed to be real, that’s the point,” he chuckles.  


“Yeah, but still. In real life, there’s no guy that’s going to sweep in to save you when you're on your deathbed.”  
Louis took his eyes off the road to look me in the eye, taking in everything I just said.  


“Well, what movies do you like?” he ponders.  


“Dramas and romance movies,” I admitted slyly. He grinned ear to ear as he chuckled.  


“And those aren’t cliche?” I shake my head.  


“They are all different.” He snickered at that.  


“They’re all the same, Haz. The boy falls for the girl, the girl likes him back, they have sex, and then the boy does something to mess it all up but somehow the girl stupidly takes him back,” Louis explained.  


“Seems like you know a lot about them, Lou,” I chuckled.  


“My ex used to make me watch them. But they’re fake too, romance movies.” I shot him a confused look.  


“What do you mean?” He pondered for a moment then went on.  


“Love doesn’t happen the way the movies display it as. It isn’t perfect nor is it planned. It doesn’t always work out in the end. There isn’t always a happy ending, Haz.” He let that sink in for a moment as I gazed at him.  


“I guess you’re right.” He smiled with satisfaction as we pulled in the parking lot. He pulled into a space and parked the car. I smiled at his beautiful smile that could stop wars.  


“You have the cutest dimples,” he said smiling as he poked one of my dimples. My face turned red at the mention of them. I had always hated them. They were my biggest insecurity.  


“Now, that I have won our debate, let’s see Captain America!” With that he exited the car as I did too. We went into the theater and got our tickets then went to get popcorn.  


“Let’s get a large to share,” I suggested.  


“Okay, but I want a coke too,” he said. We got our popcorn and drinks then went to our theater. I find the movie incredibly boring but nevertheless, I don’t complain. I watch Louis as he focuses on the movie really intensely. He catches my stare, and glances at me.  


“Why are you staring at me?” he asks me. I don’t know what to say back so I simply let go and let my head rest on his shoulder.  


“You tired, Haz?” he asks softly.  


"Little bit.” He kisses my hair tenderly and pulls his arm around me. Eventually, I fall into a deep sleep.  


“Harry!” A voice yells at me, waking me up from my sleep. I groan and move closer to whatever I am lying on.  


“Get up, Haz. The movie’s over.” I realize it’s Louis’ voice and I open my eyes to see that I am lying with my head on his chest. He is peering down at me fondly. I get up and stretch as he stands up as well. He grabs the empty popcorn bucket and his coke.  


“C’mon Haz, let’s get you home.” He goes down the steps as I follow behind him. The car ride is consists mostly of Louis gushing on how much he liked the movie. When we pull up to my house, he turns to me, smiling.  


“I had a good time, even though you slept most of the movie,” he said.  


“Sorry bout that.” He waves a hand dismissing my apology.  


“Its fine, you’re tired. Now go get some rest, Haz.”  
His eyes showed just how much he cared about me even though we had known each other less than a week. I smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. He was surprised at first but then he hugged back, pulling me closer to him. We stay like that for a few moments. I then pull away and smile briefly at him.  


“See you tomorrow, Lou,” I said as I exited his car.  
When I went inside, I noticed my parents were out. I laid on the couch and began to read Romeo & Juliet for the millionth time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is more of a filler chapter with the minor themes of what's real and what's not. Hope you are all enjoying the story so far:) Oh, and so the chapter names do mean something, by the end of the book, if you take the first letter of each five chapter you should be able to spell something, any guesses on what it'll spell?


	6. Chapter V: Falling Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

Louis was doing really well at the bakery. It was his first day really working there and he was doing his best. Sure he burnt a few things here and there and dropped a few things but other than that he was doing well.  


“When’s lunch break?” Louis asked me. There was only one person currently in the store who was eating their food at a table. I looked to my watch.  


“Ten minutes,” I told him.  


“Can we get subway for lunch?” he pleaded his big blue eyes. I just couldn’t say no to him. I never could.  


“Fine,” I muttered. He smiled from ear to ear, a smile that could well out shine the sun. I always envied his flawless smile. We served the last customer and left the bakery. There was a subway across the street, so we walked there.  


“Did you get some sleep after I dropped you off?” he asked me.  


“Little bit.” We went in there, there was only one person in line. We got our food then went outside.  


“Its so nice out, let’s eat outside,” he said. I nodded my head and followed him. We walked over to a big field not too far from the bakery. The sun shined down on the green grass and flowers. We sat down and he handed me my sandwich.  


“What music do you like?” Louis asked me as he chewed his sandwich.  


“A bit of everything, I really like pop and indie though,” I told him.  


“Me too, who’s your favorite singer?” I liked a lot of singers, so many it was hard to pick a favorite.  


“Probably Ed Sheeran.” He smiled, agreeing with me.  


“I love Ed, but my alltime favorite is Coldplay,” he told me. The sun shined down on his ocean blue eyes, making them sparkle if that’s even possible.  


“I like them too.” We fell silent for a few moments, a comfortable silence.  


“Do you sing?” he finally asked.  


“Little bit but just for fun. I don’t wanna be famous or anything.” He crooked his head.  


“Why is that?” he asked with curious eyes.  


“I wouldn’t be able to handle it. The fame. I’ve watched star after star fall, and I don’t want to be next. On the outside, it looks like the ideal life but on the inside its not. The fame, it goes to your head and every single little thing about you and your life is exposed to the public. And then you have all the haters that don’t even know you nor your music or story but yet spend their lives hating you. I think the hate would be the hardest part for me.” Louis looked at me with admiration, wanting to know more.  


“How so?” he asked. His blue eyes peered into my green.  


“I was bullied in school. And I became really insecure about myself. I started believing what they said. For a celebrity, the hate is amped. They’re getting hated on by the whole world. I wouldn’t of been able to handle that. I found a way to ignore them but if it was the whole world, I don’t know what I would do. I would probably lose myself. I’m not as strong as you.” He put down his sandwich and moved closer to me, so that our sides touched.  


“I’m not as strong as you think I am,” he told me.  


I studied his eyes and knew he was hiding something. He was this way for a reason, something had happened to him, that hurt him really bad. He wasn’t as flawless as he seemed, he had flaws, many in fact. And for some reason, that made me admire him even more. I pulled him close to me, hugging him. He rested his chin on my shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. We stayed like that for quite a while, him burying his head into my shoulder while our arms were wrapped around each other’s backs.  


“I wouldn’t be able to handle fame either,” he whispered in my ear.  


Louis was the one who finally pulled away from the hug. He grabbed his sandwich and sat in between my legs. I was already finished with my sandwiched so, I fiddled with his hair while he ate. I wondered what had happened to him. What his secret was. What his flaws were. I wanted to know so I could comfort him and tell him it was okay. He had so many layers to him. It was absolutely fascinating. He wasn’t as he appeared to be on the surface. And the more I got to know him, the more layers I discovered. He was fearless and brave but at the same time he was scared and haunted by something. He was happy and bold but at the same time he was fragile and fallacious. He was like the ocean in more ways than one. From far away, he looks simple, ordinary, yet somehow beautiful. But up close he wasn’t simple nor ordinary, yet somehow he was still captivatingly beautiful.  
The next day, I didn’t have work. I was planning on sleeping in until noon but I was woken up by someone knocking on my door. I opened my eyes to see my dad in my room.  


“I was thinking the two of us would go golfing together,” he said with a smile. I rubbed my eyes as I sat up.  


“Sure, let me just get dressed.” He left the room, closing the door behind him. I rolled out of my bed, and got ready. My dad and I would always go golfing once a month or so. It was something we could always bond over. I went downstairs to find everyone already dressed and eating. Apparently, my mum, Gemma, and her boyfriend were going to go house shopping. I grabbed some cereal and ate rather fast. We arrived at the golf course just before noon.  


“How was Louis’ first day of work?” my dad asked me as we worked to the course.  


“Good, really good.” Memories from the day before flashed before my eyes, while a smile made its way onto my lips.  


“That’s good. Louis’ a nice kid.” We reached the grass and got out our irons.  


"Yeah, he is.” I stepped back and let my dad go first. He put down the white ball and struck his iron at it, sending it a few feet.  


“How’d you like Angela?” he asked as he walked back over to me.  


“She’s okay.” I walked over to the starting line and swung my iron, sending the ball just past my dad’s.  


“So you don’t see a future for you two?” I walk back over to him and nod my head.  


“I just don’t feel anything for her.” My dad nodded. I think he was getting frustrated that I couldn’t find ‘the one’. He just stood there with me for a few moments.  


“How do you know, that they’re the one?” I asked looking to his green eyes that resembled mine.  


“You know they're the one when one want to spend every waking moment with them. When you want to know everything about them, from their favorite color to their darkest secret. When you’re with them, you feel infinite, like you can take on the world. They should inspire you to be a better person, and you should admire everything about them, even their flaws.” My dad had a smile on his face while he told me this.  


“You know when you put their needs in front of your own, caring more about their happiness than your own.When their emotions reflect your own, when they’re happy, you’re happy. When they’re sad, you’re sad. You know when no matter how mad at them you are, you still love them. You know when you live to make them happy, smile, and laugh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter brings up the moral of what love really is. So this is a larry au meaning alternate universe, meaning that none of one direction is famous so its kinda wired that they're talking about not being able to handle fame when they are famous in our world.


	7. Chapter VI: Facade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“My parents want to meet you,” Louis told me as we closed up the bakery. It was a Friday and we had decided to close up early.  


“What? Why?” I asked nervously.  


“My parents just like to know who I hang out with and am working with.” We headed towards his car.  


“So can you have dinner at mine?” he asked as we reached his car.  


“Tonight?” He nodded his head.  


“Of course tonight, silly.” I smiled nervously. As I said before, I didn’t have many friends, so I hadn’t met many parents, well other than the ones that my dad made me meet. And his parents worked at the church, his dad was a pastor.  


“S-sure.” He poked one of my dimples as he grinned at me. He liked doing that.  
“You’ll do fine, Haz,” he told me encouragingly. We got in his car and drove to his house. I had only been to his house once before. It was the same way as I remembered it, same size as mine but right by the lake and somehow looked much more beautiful than mine. Mine was more ordinary, while his was extraordinary. Everything about him was extraordinary. We got out of his car, both of his parents cars were in the driveway. There was a boy next door, the same age as us, playing basketball.  


“Zayn!” Louis called to the boy with a smile. The boy looked over to us and walked towards us. He had black hair with a blonde strike in it, styled in a quiff. I noticed he had a few tattoos on his arms.  


“What up, Louis,” Zayn said as he neared us. He looked over to me, then smiled.  


“Zayn, this is my friend, Harry. I just started working at his family’s bakery last week,” he told him.  


“So, this is the guy that was stupid enough to hire you to work at a bakery,” he jested with a chuckle.  


“Yeah, he’s not the best cook in the world,” I said with a grin.  


“Yeah, why did you hire him?” Zayn asked with a smirk.  


“I don’t know,” I chuckled. I knew why though, I felt bad for him and well, I just couldn’t say no to him.  


We entered his house to find the smell of dinner being made. It smelled really good.  


“Louis!” two little girls squealed as they ran over to him, hugging him. They let go and looked up to me.  


“Who’s this?” one of them asked. They looked to both be the same age, in fact they looked almost identical. They both had blonde hair just past their shoulders and the same stunning blue eyes as Lou. They looked over to me, observing me. Two other girls, both with the same blonde hair and blue eyes entered the room. One looked to be older than the other. His dad and mum then entered the room, the doorway was quite crowded now. He had quite a big family. I don’t know how he handled living with so many girls all his life. I had seen his dad many times before, but this was my first time, really seeing him up close. He had brown hair that went just past his ears and striking light blue eyes. He was dressed rather casual, in khaki shorts and a tshirt. For some reason, I got this foreboding sense about him. Ironic right, sensing evil in a pastor. I ignored that sense and smiled at him nevertheless. His mum had brunette hair that went just past her shoulders and her eyes were the same color as her hair.  


“This is Harry, the one who hired me at the bakery,” Louis introduced me as he looped an arm around my shoulders.  


“Nice to meet you, Harry. Louis practically never stops talking about you,” his mum said with a smile. I chuckled and saw Louis’ face blush red. They all went around and told me their names, even though I knew it would take me forever to get all their names right. Soon, dinner was ready and we were all eating around a table.  


“So, tell me about yourself, Harry,” his mum said with a polite smile. I felt Louis squeeze my knee with encouragement.  


“Well, my family owns a bakery, which I work at. I graduated from college with a degree in cooking a few years back. And I have one sister.” The food was quite good. I could tell just by looking at the food that they ate much healthier than my family.  


“I believe, I’ve seen you and your family at the church a few times,” his dad said, whose name I remembered was James.  


“Yeah, my family and I go every sunday. We’re catholic,” I told him.  


“That’s good, Louis could use a friend who's a firm believer in god.” I wouldn’t say I was a firm believer in god but I didn’t correct him. The rest of the dinner was filled with his family asking me questions about myself and his mum telling me stories of Louis when he was little.  


“I have to say, Harry, you’ve been a great influence on our son. Never have I seen my son read until you came along,” his mum chuckled. We were just finishing up desert now.  


“It’s true, he refused to read to me when I was little,” Fizzy said with a grin. When we finished, Louis and I went up to his room. It looked exactly as it did the last time I was there. I took a seat on his bed, his sheets were superman themed. I chuckled at how little kiddish that was but I still found it cute.  
“You really like superheroes, huh?” I said with a grin. He smiled and sat next to me.  


“You could say that.” I glanced over to his bedside to see a copy of Romeo & Juliet on his nightstand with a bookmark part way through it.  


“How you like it so far?” I ask referring to the book.  


“It’s okay, there’s a lot of death so I like that. I know the story behind Romeo & Juliet, I just never read the script.” He smiles fondly at me.  


“Well, yeah, everyone knows the basics of the tale but they don’t necessarily know the details,” I explain to him. Louis leans back on the base of his hands.  


“Why do you like it so much?” he ponders.  


“I’ve just always been transfixed with their love for each other. I’ve always envied a love like theres, a love so strong that one would die for it,” I explained. Louis ran his fingers through his messy hair, letting my words sink in.  


“Why are you always so deep?” he asked chuckling shoving my shoulder playfully.  


“Why are you always so childish?” I said mockingly, playfully shoving him back. We laughed for a couple minutes then it died down, falling into silence.  


“Your parents seem nice,” I said after a few moments of silence.  


“Yeah, they are but they can get annoying sometimes. Always on my back about how I have to stay true to god and all that shit.” His eyes locked onto mine.  


“You are definitely not the ideal son of a pastor,” I chuckled then continue.  


“That’s why I like you. You contradict the whole pastor’s son theory. You’re different from the rest. A good different,” I told him grinning from ear to ear. A smile grew on his face and he put a hand in my curls, ruffling them, messing them up. I shook my hair, fixing it.  


“So, how long have you known Zayn?” I asked him.  


“My whole life, we grew together. My parents haven’t always liked him considering he’s has this bad boy persona about him even though he’s far from one.” I glanced around his room. He had a desk in the far corner of his room. On it was his MacBook Pro which was decorated with stickers of different bands and the Rovers.  


“You really like football?” He nodded his head.  


“Ever since I was a little kid, I always loved watching the local games on the telly,” he explained.  


“Were you ever on a football team?” He nodded and got up from the bed. He grabbed a framed photo from his desktop, and brought it over to me.  


“In Secondary School I was on a team,” he said holding out the photo of his team for me to see. It took me a moment to spot him in the group of boys. His hair was styled like Justin Bieber’s with a swoosh to the side. He looked so young. I chuckled at how cute he was.  


“You were so little,” I gushed. He chuckled and sat beside me.  


“Yeah, I was, I was even stupid enough to get the same haircut as Bieber,” he grinned.  


“Hey, it looked cute on you,” I admitted blushing.  


Once again, Louis poked one of my dimples.  


* * *  


Louis called in sick that next Monday. I couldn’t concentrate at work knowing that he was home alone sick. My parents noticed how distracted I was and let me skip work that day to go visit him. I took my dad’s car and drove to his house. It was rather cold, well as cold as it gets in Belize. Storm clouds hung over the sky threatening to produce rain. There was only one car in his driveway. I parked my car behind his and got out. It was just starting to drizzle. I ran to his door, knocking on it twice. Moments later, the door opened to reveal a very pale, bloodshot eyed, Louis. He was paler than a ghost and his usually shining blue eyes were dull and lifeless. He had on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. His hair laid flat on his head, unstyled.  


“What are you doing here?” he asked. His voice was hoarse.  


“I know when I’m sick I don’t like being alone, it’s always nice to have someone to take care of you,” I said slyly. He smiled fondly at me.  


“Thanks, Haz.” I entered his house. He had a blanket on the couch, where he was probably laying before I came.  


“Want me to make you some tea or soup?” I asked him as I took off my coat and shoes. He sat himself on the couch, coughing before answering.  


“Tea would be nice.” He laid down on the couch, covering himself with a ton of blankets.  


“Where are your sisters?” I asked him as I grabbed the mugs from the cabinet.  


“They’re at a neighbor’s. My mum didn’t want them getting sick nor am I capable of watching them.” I found the teabags in the cupboard and started making the tea.  


“Sure is a shitty day,” he muttered.  
“Yeah, I’ve always hated rain.” I lean back on the counter, waiting for the water to boil.  


“I actually like the rain. Its quite beautiful, the way it pours down onto the earth, flourishing all the plants in its process,” Louis explained.  


“Look, who’s being the deep one now,” I chuckled.  


The tea finished and I put it into the two mugs along with the tea bags. I brought it over to him and handed it to him. He took a long sip, letting the hot liquid burn his aching throat. He put down his tea and reached his arm out to me.  


“Come here,” he said with a fragile smile. I got up and sat on the couch, beside him. He pulled me into his arms, forcing me to lay in his arms. He wrapped his arm around my waist, heat radiated through us. He kissed my hair, running his fingers through my curls.  


“When I’m sick, I have this thing where I need to be cuddled,” he told me. I lay my arms over his and moved closer to him. We laid there for quite a while, just listening to sound of our breathing.  


“What was your last girlfriend like?” he suddenly asked. I pondered on the sudden questions, thinking over my answer.  


“It was a few years ago, she had blonde hair and stunning blue eyes, kinda like yours. Her name was Chloe. We had been friends since Primary school. She was really nice and funny. She was my first love. We really loved each other.” I was now facing him as I told him all this. His blue eyes reminded me much of hers but his were much more brighter and more beautiful than hers.  


“Why’d you two break up?” he asked. His ran his fingers through the ends of my curly locks. My eyes avoided his as tears threatened to escape them.  


“We didn’t.” I paused before going on. He peered into my eyes. His blue eyes staring back at mine and for an instant they were her blue eyes, but only for a second and soon they were his again.  


“She died.” His orbs held sympathy.  


“H-how?” he asked quietly, afraid he might hurt me if he said it louder.  


“There was a accident, she was downtown, shopping with her friends when a guy pulled a guy on her and shot her straight in the chest along with each of her friends, then turned the gun on himself.”  


Louis’ mouth was open wide with shock. He shout his mouth and pulled me into a hug.  


“I’m so sorry, Harry,” he told me even though he never knew her. We held each other for quite a while until he finally pulled away.  


“My last girlfriend was Eleanor. She was real pretty, she had long curly brown hair and hazel eyes. I thought I loved her but looking back, I don’t think it was love.” He took a brief hiatus before going on.  


“She wasn’t who she portrayed herself to be. She told me she loved me when she was cheating on me the entire time.” I could tell that he hadn’t told this to many people, I doubt he even told his parents.  


“I’m taking a break from love. I’m not sure if I believe in it anymore,” he admitted. His fingers still played with steads of my hair.  


“Me too, I think I got my chance at it and now its gone.” Louis sighed and turned on his back. I did the same. We were both now looking at the ceiling.  


“Why does love have to be this way? Who needs it anyway? I don’t need it. I could live without it,” Louis conveyed.  


“I can’t.”  


He eyes shot to mine, examining them. I would of died to have known what was going on in his head at that moment. He seemed to be in deep thought, pondering something over. It was now raining hard, every now and then we could see lightning and hear thunder pound against the house.  


Louis sat up and drank some of his tea. I glanced over and saw my copy of Romeo & Juliet on the table. I grabbed it from the table. He was now on Act 4, almost to the end.  


“Why’d you highlight the book?” he asks.  


“Cause I’m a nerd when it comes to books,” I chuckled.  


“Thats already been determined,” he said smugly. He put his tea back down and laid his head on my chest.  


“Read to me,” he said. I did as told, flipping open the book to the page he had bookmarked and reading it out loud. He laid silent, glancing up at me as I read. Every so often he would ask me questions about the part I had just read.  


“Why would someone kill himself for love?” he asked as I finished Act 4. There was only one act left.  


“Cause, if the love is strong enough then you’re willing to risk everything for them and you can’t imagine life without them.” His blue orbs shined straight into my own green ones.  


“Did you feel that way with Chloe?” he asked meeting my gaze.  


“Our love was more of puppy love. I was sixteen at the time, I didn’t fully understand what it meant to fall in love.” He nodded his head and went back to his position on my chest. I went on to read the last Act. I’ll admit, I cried while reading the last scene to him. I think I saw some tears forming in his eyes too.  


“A glooming peace this morning with it brings./The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head./ Go hence to have more talk of these sad things./ Some shall be pardoned and some punished./ For never was a story of more woe./ Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” (5.3.305-310)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't really have any underlyng themes to it. Its more about the characters and letting the readers get the know the main character's past. Harry's character has quite a back story that you start to find out in this chapter. You find out that there's more to Harry than meets the eyes. Same with Louis, Louis has many layers to him which y'all will discover through out the book. This whole series is sorta based off of Romeo and Juliet, i personally love the play and put a lot of allusions to it in this story.


	8. Chapter VII: Fiduciary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

Louis and I are going to see Romeo & Juliet today at a local theater. I get dressed in my church suit and head downstairs.  


“Hey hazza,” Gemma says with a smile as she ruffles my hair.  


“Morning Gem.” I go over and grab my tickets, sticking them in my pocket.  


“Where are you going looking so nice?” she asks as she crocks her head at me.  


“The theater with Louis.” I slip my phone along with my ticket in my pocket.  


“What are you guys going to see?” I notice his car pulling up the driveway.  


“Romeo and Juliet,” I say as I run towards the door. I slip my shoes on as I hear his footsteps.  


“Well, have fun!” Theres a knock on the door, I open it to reveal Louis in a suit. I have to admit, he cleaned up quite nice.  


“Harry,” he said as a smile spread across his face. His eyes wandered me.  


“Louis,” I said forming a smile as well.  


“Shall we go?” he asked. I nodded my head. We left my house, driving off in his car. The drive wasn’t far. We mostly just talked about our weekends.  


“Have you seen the play?” he asked as he pulled in the parking lot.  


“Yeah, for my 16th birthday my parents got me tickets.” The lot was pretty busy, it took a while to find a spot. We saw lots of girls in dresses or skirts walking towards the theater.  


“We better not be the only guys in there,” he chuckled. He finally found a spot, pulling the car into it.  


“We won’t,” I assured him. We got out of the car, walking towards the theater. The theater is rather old fashioned. It is a dark red, burgundy color, its on the smaller side. It had a white marquee with black lettering that read, ‘Romeo & Juliet’. We walk up the steps, Louis stops in front of me, turning around to face me.  


“We should take a picture in front of this thing,” he says.  


“Sure,” I agree. I’ve never really liked taking pictures.  


He takes out his phone, on the camera setting facing it towards us so we can see our faces. He throws his arms around me as we smile wide as he takes the photo. We then turn back around and head inside. The lobby is filled with people, most of which are under 25 girls.  


“Do they have popcorn?” Louis asked as he glanced around. I chucked.  


“You have obviously never been to the theater,” I said with a grin.  
“I haven’t ever been to the theater,” he admitted.  


“Well, I’m glad I made you lose your theater virginity.” We both chucked at that, smiling at each other. We headed to our seats. We had fairly good seats. We sat right in the middle towards the front, so we could see the full view of the stage perfectly.  


“Is this like a musical version?” he asked as we waited for the show to start.  


“No, there is no singing in shakespeare.” The lights dimmed as the audience silenced. A member of the Chorus entered the stage and stated the Prologue, which I know by heart. Call me a dork but I mouthed along the words as he said them,  


“From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  


A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life  


Whose misadventure piteous overthrows  


Doth with their death bury their parents’ strife.  


The fearful passage of their death-marked love.”  


I could hear Louis chuckle beside me when he noticed how I was mouthing all the words. He slipped his arm around my shoulders as a friendly gesture. Warmth generated between us as he moved his hand up and down my shoulder. I glanced over at him grinning from ear to ear. He reached out and poked one of my dimples, which made my face redden. I focused back on the riveting story of Romeo & Juliet. As I watched the undeniable love between Romeo and Juliet, I realized just how much I wanted someone to love, someone to share my life with, someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss, someone that I would be willing to risk everything for. I was in love with the idea of love, in love with the idea of risking your all for the one you love. I wanted a purpose in life, and I wanted my purpose to be to love someone unconditionally and give them my all. The play was well, perfection. I even cried at the end, which Louis chucked at, at first then he wiped away my tears with his thumb and laid his head on my shoulder.  


“You will find that someone, Haz, and when you do it will be everything you hoped for and more,” he told me.  


“Thanks,” I whispered to him as I nuzzled him in closer.  


“You will too, Lou,” I then told him. He smiled weakly at me. I knew he didn’t believe me and I empathized with him for his lack of belief in love.  


The rest of the week went by really fast, Louis and I worked at the bakery everyday. On sunday, we arranged to meet up at the church, since we would both be there. You would think that spending five days in a row would make us sick of each other but we weren’t, in fact, I dreaded when I was without him. And that scared me. It scared the shit out of me that I was so attached to this boy that I had only known for what, a month? We arrived at the church twenty minutes before the service started. My dad and I went over to get our coffees where I would meet Louis. We ordered our coffees, waiting for the girl to make them.  


“How was working five whole days in a row with Louis?” my dad asks.  
“Fine, I didn’t mind it,” I admitted. Louis made work fun, he would always find a way for us to have fun. They handed us our coffees just as Louis came into the room. I smiled and walked over to him.  


“I’ll meet you in the service room, Harry,” my dad said as he left. Louis put his hand out in front of my coffee cup, I handed it to him. He put to cup to his lips and took a drink. When he finished he handed me back my drink with a smile.  


“Lets go to our seats,” he said. I nodded and followed him to where service was held. He looked rather handsome in his church suit, wait did I just call Louis handsome? I mean there was no denying that he was good looking but I couldn’t be attracted to him. I pushed any thoughts of the possibilities of that out of my head.  


We made our way to the third row where my family was seated. Louis gave each of my family members a hug, he then sat beside me as we waited for the service to start. His dad came out in his suit that I had seen him in all too often. He glanced over to Louis, smiled and began the service. Today, he talked of love.  


“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”  
As he went on to talk more of love, I felt Louis take my hand into his, interlocking our fingers. I tried not to stare at our hands, but I couldn’t help but to glance down at them. His hand was inlocked securely with my own, our fingers fitting together like two puzzle pieces. I then look up to see him grinning at me. As if my expressions were a reflection of his, a grin appeared on my face as well. He squeezed my hand as he looked back to his dad.  


“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically brings into play the religion aspect in this story. Where some people interpret the bible to say that homosexuality is a sin. I don't usually put a lot of religion in my books cause well, I'm an atheist, I don't believe in a higher power for various reasons. I decided to include religion in this story cause it just kinda goes with the story and is a huge part of the town and people. I personally believe that if there is a god that he accepts all his children whether they are straight or gay. And once again thanks for all the views and my second kudos!


	9. Chapter VIII: Factitiuous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

_Louis and I are on top of a large hill, lying on a blanket. We both lay on our backs staring up at the stars. Louis makes up what each constellation is, pointing at the different stars in the night sky._

_“There are the stars of Romeo and Juliet,” he told me._

_“Why there?” I asked crocking my head at him._

_Cause if you look closely you notice that their stars are crossed, they are star crossed lovers aren’t they?” he explains pointing at the stars that were indeed crossed._

_Yeah, they are,” I paused before going on._

_Just like you and I,” I said as our eyes locked on each other, riveting sparks that could bounce off walls. He smirked at me with a grin on his face._

That was so cheesy Hazza,” he muttered as we pulled our faces closer together, his hands on my neck while mine rested on his waist, we were now sitting up.

_"But you like the cheese don’t ya, Lou?” I asked teasingly. Our lips smashed against each other, sending shivers up my spine in the best way possible. The kiss was sweet, and passionate at the same time. He slid his tongue into my mouth as his hands tugged at my curls. A moan escaped my lips as my hands gripped the extra material of his shirt. My hands then ran up his back under his shirt as he deepened the kiss, making me moan again. “I love you, Louis.”_

I shot up wide awake in my bed. What the hell was that? It was all a dream but it felt so real. I could almost feel his lips against mine. But why had I been dreaming of him in the first place? I didn’t have those types of feelings for Louis, I couldn’t. I had sweat dripping down my forehead and my hair was greasy looking like it hadn’t been washed in days when in reality I had washed it the night before. “Harry!” a voice shouted as my bedroom door suddenly burst open. Niall revealed himself, he was already dressed in dark jeans with a white jumper. I rubbed my eyes as he made his way over to me. “What are you doing here?” I ask him. He sat at the edge of my bed as I propped myself up against the bed board. 

"Well, remember how I told you about my crush on Sydney?” I nodded my head remembering when he told me last week. 

"Well, I have date with her today,” he said as he fidgeted with the blanket. “That’s great.” He pondered on something then began picking at his fingers. 

That’s the thing, it’s a double date,” he said. 

"With who?” I asked. He looked down at the blanket before finally putting his hands in his lap, folding them together. 

"Mckenzie and you,” he said as quiet as possible. 

"Wait, what?” I gave him a confused look. 

"We are going on a double date, and before you go and say no, just think of it as a favor for me. Plus, you’re going to have to date another girl eventually.” His eyes met mine. He was right, maybe it would be good for me. Take my mind off of that horrid dream. 

"Fine,” I sighed. He smiled wide throwing his arms around me. 

"Thank you, I promise I will make it up to you, H,” he said as we pulled back from the hug. 

"Now go shower, we will be going out to lunch with them in an hour,” he said as he stood up. “Fine, see you then.” Niall left the room and my thoughts shifted back to the dream. Surely it didn’t mean anything, it was just a dream, just a stupid dream. Niall and I arrived at the diner by the ocean where we were going to have lunch with Sydney and Mckenzie. The entire car ride consisted of mostly Niall babbling to himself while I tried to keep myself from thinking of the dream. 

“You okay?” he finally asked when he noticed how silent I was. 

“Yeah,” I said forcing a smile. We got a booth in the back of the diner. We spotted the girls come into the diner and Niall waved them over. Sydney was a brunette with beautiful green eyes. Mckenzie was also a brunette but her hair was darker than Sydney’s and she had dark blue eyes that reminded me of Louis, but they were no comparison to his. They walked over to us and slide into the booth. Niall and Sydney started talking about something while I tried to focus on the menu. 

“I’m Mckenzie,” the girl said sweetly. She had a soft tone to her voice that reminded me of Louis. Why did I keep on thinking of him? What was wrong with me? 

“Harry,” I said as I forced a smile onto my face. A waiter came and we ordered our drinks. Niall carried most of the conversations while I kept to myself. Mckenzie would ask me questions here and there which I would answer effortlessly. Niall could sense that there was something going on but he didn’t push me in front of them. I kept on thinking of Louis the entire time, even though I tried not to. But every little thing reminded me of him and then my thoughts would wander to the dream. Even the fucking waiter reminded me of him. The waiter had his hair styled in a quiff just like Louis. And then we got cookies for dessert which brought back the memory of when I taught him to bake cookies. After we finished eating, we took a walk down the pier. There was no way I had a crush on Louis, I was straight, right? I glanced over to Mckenzie. She was pretty, but for some reason I didn’t find her attractive. Niall and Sydney held hands as they walked ahead of us. 

“You’re not into me are you?” she asked glancing at my green eyes. 

“I-I..” I stuttered lost for words. 

“It’s okay, I can tell you’re into someone else,” she said as she looked over to the sea. Her hair blew back in the wind. 

“So who is the lucky girl?” she asked with a light smile. What do I say? I can’t say Louis, I don’t even like him that way. Right? 

"Louisa,” I said after a minute. We could see Niall and Sydney in the distance saying their goodbyes. 

“Well, I hope things will go well for you two,” she said as Sydney called her. 

“I should get going, see you around.” I watched as she walked off to Niall who was kissing Sydney. I hadn’t kissed anyone ever since Chloe. I wondered what it would feel like to kiss a boy. Would it feel any different? A girl’s lips are soft and sweet. What would a guy’s be like? I once again dismissed the thoughts and walked over to Niall. 

“Thanks for doing this,” he said nearly beaming. “You have a good time?” he asked after a second. 

“Yeah,” I said forcing another smile. I seemed to be doing that a lot today. We got into his car and he drove me home. The drive was completely silent. We pulled into my driveway but he didn’t unlock the car. Instead he turned away from the wheel and faced me. 

"What’s wrong, Haz?” I cringed at the nickname that Louis had come up with. I glanced out the window, it was now dusk out, it was that time of year where the sun set early. 

“You could of said no if you didn’t want to come,” he said. I glanced over to him. His pale blue eyes were peering into me, trying to read my soul but found it unattainable. 

"It’s not that,” I said softly. 

“Then what is it?” My mind was going thousands of miles per hour, constantly thinking, pondering on the dream. I bit down on my lower lip, clenching my jaw. 

“Do...do you think dreams mean something?” I asked. He thought over his answer for a moment, lifting his chin. 

“Yeah, I do. I think dreams express what you’re afraid to admit.” My head shot around to look at him. Could it be possible that I had a crush on Louis, I was just afraid to admit it? Or maybe it was just some silly dream. I shook my head and unbuckled my seatbelt. 

"Is this what you’ve been worrying about? Some dream?” he asked. I nodded my head. 

“Not all dreams mean things, sometimes there’s no meaning to them.” I peered up from my lap to glance out of the corner of my eye at him. 

“How do you tell if the dream means something or not?” I asked quietly. 

“Normally if a dream keeps repeating itself or if the common theme keeps on showing up in a dream it means something.” 

It made sense. I would probably never dream of Louis again, it was probably just a one time thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is pretty big, Harry is starting to realize he may not just think of Louis as a friend. With this book, you have to understand that Harry isn't necessarily homophobic, its that all his life he's been taught that being gay is wrong and he's never thought to question that until now. Now, the other people in the town are very religious and some religions believe that homosexuality is a sin so that's what's going on here. I personally support gay rights and believe in equality being that i am bi myself.


	10. Chapter IX: Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

The sun shines brightly down on the field of daisies that I sit in. I am not alone though. The sun lights up his ever so blue eyes as he looks at me fondly. Our hands are linked together by our fingers, letting sparks light between them. We both laugh at some joke that Louis had just made, grinning from ear to ear at each other. Love is in the air. I lay my head on his shoulder and he kisses my forehead. I stare into his eyes that I had grown to love. 

“I really like you, Lou, I think I’m falling in love with you,” I tell him suddenly. He smiles at me, the same smile that could light up the dark and end wars. He kisses my forehead.

“I..” he then kisses my nose. 

“Love..” Next he kisses each of my cheeks causing them to blush red. 

“You too,” he whispers against my lips, making them quiver from want. He then places his lips on mine. This kiss is different from any other kiss I’ve shared. There’s sparks between us and I can feel the world around me stop when our lips meet. The kiss is passionate but not full of lust. Just by his kiss I can tell he loves me. And I was falling in love with him as well. 

I shot up once again from my bed, startled from the realness of the dream. I had dreamt of him again. This was only the second time I had dreamed of him but the fact that he had appeared in not just one of my dreams scared me. I was petrified that he was showing up in my dreams this way. 

Niall’s words echoed in my head, “Normally if a dream keeps repeating itself or if the common theme keeps on showing up in a dream it means something.” So these dreams had to mean something, I just wasn’t sure what exactly. I wasn’t in love with Louis, I knew that much. I hadn’t even kissed the guy in reality. But did I want to kiss him? I pondered on the thought for a second. Maybe I did want to kiss him. It’s not normal to want to kiss your friend. But Louis wasn’t just any friend, he was my best friend. He was different from the rest. He had a certain charisma about him that made him unique in the best way possible. I was endlessly fascinated by him. Everything about him screamed perfection but he wasn’t flawless, in fact he had many flaws. And I loved each one of them. He was impetuous yet the most genuine person I had ever known. He was loving and caring, yet he was opinionated and high spirited. He was absolutely astonishing. Everything about him from his nose to his toes, from his fears to his favorite color was just astounding. I envied him for that but in the nicest way possible, he inspired me. 

There was a knock on my door. 

“Come in,” I called out. Gemma walked into my room taking a seat on the edge of my bed. 

“Hey,” I said forcing a smile on my face.

“I just wanted to check on you, you’ve been up here all day,” she said softly. Silence grew between us for a while, while thoughts ran crazy in my mind. 

“H-how did you feel when you first realized you liked James in that way?” I asked her. She thought about her answer for a moment before answering. 

“I was surprised, he was my best friend for the longest time, and I never even considered the thought of us being a couple. But the thing is, love is unpredictable. We fall when we least expect it and who we least expect it to be with.” 

Gemma left my room moments later, letting my thoughts wandered back to Louis. I couldn’t like a boy, at least not in that way. All my life I had been taught that it was sinfully wrong to love someone of the same gender. This whole country believed that, not a single person I knew thought otherwise. If I had those feelings for a guy, I’d be doomed. Gay sex or as they call it here ‘sodomy’, is punished upon death. My parents if they were to find out I were having these feelings or dreams would be contempt. Everyone would look at me as if I had a disease that they could catch. I remember hearing about this one guy in the news, he was in his early thirties and was caught having sex with another man. People sent so much hate to their families, blaming them for bringing a ‘diseased child’ into the world. People stood outside the prison where the guy were to stay until execution, holding signs that despised homosexual acts. The two guys were hanged in the gallows behind the prison which they let people watch. Apparently people brought popcorn to the execution, well metaphorically they did. I don’t understand how people could watch someone be hanged and enjoy it. It’s sick, absolutely sick. People believe that God created men to love women and women to love men, not for men to love men and women to love women. Louis’ blue eyes popped into my head, his eyes were the most piercing shade of blue I had ever seen. His brunette hair that he would usually style in a quiff or on rare occasions, wear it down, letting it flop every which way. His short little petite body that was perfectly sculpted by God himself. And don’t even get me started on his ass. Yeah, these thoughts were not normal. I did not just think of him as a friend. I confirmed it then and there, I had a teeny, tiny, little crush on Louis Tomlinson. But, it was just a crush. And crushes, go away, they don’t last. I’ll be over it in a week tops. This feeling for my best friend won’t last, it’ll go away and so will the dreams. They have to. * * * 

It’s been a week since the dreams started and ever since, each night I dream about Louis. Most of the dreams are intimate dreams of us kissing and doing what lovers do. I’ve seen Louis at work, and I’ve been trying to act as normal as possible around him. It’s hard though. He’ll catch me ogle at him with more than just fond. Today, Louis and I will be hanging out. He won’t tell me what exactly we’re doing or where we’ll be going. I sit in the passenger side of his car. Louis keeps on telling me about some football thing but I keep on tuning out, getting lost in my thoughts. We’ve been in the car for quite a while and I don’t recognize my surroundings. The more we drive, the further away from civilization we get. He turns on a dirt road. There’s green grass surrounding us on either side of the road. Up ahead I can just see trees and can hear the chirping of birds. The road ends and Louis parks on the side. I get out and look around my surroundings. In front of us is a large forest. Trees line the middle, almost like in Harry Potter. I can hear the sound of running water, probably from creeks and small rivers. He takes my hand and leads me into the forest. I can’t help but notice the sensation when our hands touch. 

“How’d you find this place?” I asked him as we walked through the endless trees.

“Zayn and I would always go here to escape our parents when we were little.” 

A smile was planted on his face. The sun shined through the trees, riveting so much beauty, I didn’t even think was possible. The only word that could explain that place was; heaven. Everything about it was just so beautiful and blissful. The place held a certain tranquility about it. Butterflies flew about in the clear air. Louis pulled me along as he ran after them, trying to catch one in his hands. One landed right on his finger. We both stared at it in awe. It was so beautiful. It had a black body but its wings were a deep blue that was almost purple with yellow spots.

“Morpho Cypris,” Louis said as he looked down at it with admiration in his blue orbs. 

“What?” I asked.

“It’s the type of butterfly it is.” We watched in awe as it flew away, into its heavenly freedom. For a moment, I wish to be a butterfly. They were completely and utterly free. In a world like theirs, they were free to love whoever. I envied them because of that. 

We walked further into the forest to a creek that had some small fish and frogs. I could tell just by looking in Lou’s eyes that this place held a lot of memories for him. It meant something to him. 

“Not to be mean or anything, but why’d you bring me here?” I asked him. We stared at the creek watching the water. It took him a moment to answer. 

“I guess I just wanted to show you something that was special to me and be able to share it with you,” he told me as he held my gaze. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say to that. It melted my heart that I meant that much to him. 

“Thanks, it means a lot to me,” I said with a smile.

“C’mon, I have one last place to show you,” he said as he dragged me along. We run through the forest like two little boys running away from their parents. As we ran, we could hear the sounds of waterfalls and chirping birds all around us. Up ahead I noticed what looked like a cliff. We kept on running until we reached the end of the forest. He pulled me over to the edge of the cliff. I looked down to see the ocean beneath us, its waves crashing against the cliff. All we could see when we looked out was ocean water for miles and miles. The view was absolutely magnificent. 

“I’ve always loved the ocean,” Louis said as he stared down at the sea in amazement. The ocean was a deep elegant blue that matched his blue orbs. If I could I would of stayed there forever, stuck in our little neverland, where we could be fully free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Larry is almost here! So all the dreams are in italic. Basically this chapter is Harry realizing his feelings for Louis and trying to understand what this could mean. Nature is a huge aspect in this series, and so is the theme of freedom.


	11. Chapter X: Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

_Louis and I are in a field again. The same field as the other night. But this time there is an eerie sense in the air around us. It is midday and the sun is high in the sky. I connect my lips with his, feeling the heavenly sensation that I get every time we kiss. We mutter sweet nothings to each other as we snog the faces of each other. Thunder suddenly pounds the ground around us as the sky darkens with rain pouring down on us. We snicker but continue to kiss. We kiss so hard we don’t hear the noise of footsteps coming our way. Louis tugs at my curls as he slides his tongue in my mouth. One moment we are kissing ever so peacefully and then the next the world is falling around me as Louis is pulled away from me. I looked up to see several men in grey body suits, we can’t see there faces and each are armed. One of them is holding Louis back as he thrashes at the guy trying to escape. It takes me moments to get over the shock. I then find it within my strength to stand up. I run over to the man who has Louis captive but am pushed back by two men. My eyes water as I thrash the air in anger._

_“You can’t be together,” one of them says as a gun is pointed to Louis’ head. I try to run towards him but they hold me back with so much strength. “I love you,” I whisper as I close my eyes at the noise of the gun shot going off. “Harry!” a voice calls but I don’t threaten to open my eyes. He is gone. They killed him. “Harry!” it calls again._

I open my eyes to see my whole family surrounding me with worried looks upon their faces. The dream is still in my memory. I am covered in sweat, as I sit up looking around the room.

“Are you okay, Harry?” My mum asks with concern. I nod my head still confused. My mum takes a seat on the edge of my bed.

“Harry, you were screaming and thrashing about in your bed. Did you have a nightmare, sweetie?” she asks softly.

“I was screaming?” I question. They all nod, looking very tired.

“Sorry,” I mutter.

“It’s okay, sweetie. Are you having nightmares again?” I avoid all eye contact. It had been a while since my last nightmare. This was the first one in years.

“It was just a bad dream, thats all,” I say calmly.

“Okay,” my mum got up from my bed standing over to my dad.

“You should shower, we’re going out with Katy and her family tonight. It’d be good for you, H,” my dad told me offering a smile which I didn’t return.

“Do we have to?” I ask with a groan.

“Harry, it’s been four years since Chloe, you have to move on.” Little did he know I was much over Chloe, it was Louis who I wasn’t over.

“Fine,” I muttered as I rolled over getting out of my bed. I took a long refreshing shower with the vivid images from the dream fresh in my mind. I can’t let this little crush on Lou cost us our lives. I care about him too much to put him in any danger. I won’t do anything along the lines of telling him about my crush, I will just ignore it until it goes away. I really didn’t want to go on another date after what happened the other week with Niall. But I knew that I had to get over Louis. My parents were very close to Katy’s family. They live close by and our parents went to school together. Katy was a nice girl but she wasn’t Louis. Maybe I should just give her a chance. I run my hand through my hair one final time, making sure all the curls were intact. I then headed downstairs. Both my parents were already dressed and ready to go.

“You look nice,” my mum said with a smile.

“Thanks,” I muttered under my breath.

We are going to a local restaurant in town, not a really fancy one. To be honest there is only one fancy restaurant in town. We leave the house and drive to there. All the way there, my dad tells me about Katy and her family. Apparently, she plays football, and she has two younger brothers. It’s a really nice night, the sun is setting, making the sky look purple. I wonder what Louis is doing on a night like tonight. I imagine him hanging out with Zayn shooting hoops or going to the forest. For a moment a feel a sharp pain in my chest; envy. I was jealous of Zayn. He had known Louis longer than me. I shook my head and laughed at the thought that I was jealous of him. I had no reason to be. We went into the restaurant and saw them at a table in the back. Her entire family had dirty blonde hair. Her dad’s hair was slicked back probably by hair gel onto his head firmly. Both her parents were rather short, making her be just shorter than me. She had shoulder length straight dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. She was beautiful but nothing compared to Louis. I shook my head, I had to stop thinking of him. I took a seat next to her. My parents took a seat facing her parents. Our parents carried most of the conversation while Katy and I made small talk. Don’t get me wrong, Katy was a nice girl, a really nice girl in fact, but she’s no Louis. When we were done eating, Katy and I went to the arcade while our parents talked.

“I swear they would talk for decades if they could,” she uttered as we walked to the arcade room. I chuckled, she was a funny girl but not as funny as Lou. Katy tried over and over again to play the game where you try and get a stuff animal over to the thing.

“I swear this is fucking jacked,” she chuckled.

“Here let me show you,” I said as I placed my hands over hers, closing the space between us. I moved the level around, lowering it to the stuffed animals.

“Which one do you want?” I asked her.

“Surprise me,” she whispered.

I should of been turned on by that or at least found her confidence attractive. But I didn’t. I lowered the level and picked up a blue Carabear. I moved the level, dropping it into the thing. The top of the machine lit up, ‘WINNER’. I grabbed the stuffed animal from the machine, handing it to her as she turned around to face me. She smiled at me sweetly. She reached her arms around my neck, kissing my lips. I was shocked at first, not kissing back, but then kissed back knowing I had to give it a try. And you know what? I felt NOTHING. Nothing at all. Not even a single spark. When Chloe and I kissed I felt something, no I didn’t feel what I felt in my dreams of Louis and I, but I still felt something. She pulled away first looking a little disheartened. I wondered if she didn’t feel anything either. She sighed and offered me a soft smile.

“You’re a nice guy, Harry.” I had sure been hearing that a lot lately. I wanted to be more than a nice guy. I wanted to be loved, and not just by family.

“We should hangout more often...as friends,” she said as she handed me the carabear. I looked down at it in my hands with sad eyes. I really needed to get over Louis. She wrapped her arms around me in a friendly gesture.

“Save that for someone else,” she whispered in my ear. We pulled back from the hug, glancing at each other awkwardly.

When we left the restaurant my dad seemed really happy. We got in the car, it was now pitch black out. I glared out the window at the sparkling stars in the sky.

“It seemed like Katy and you got along well,” my dad said with a smile.

“She’s a nice girl.” I opened my window, letting the wind blow back my hair.

“But it’s not going to work out,” I said quietly. My dad wiped his head around to look me in the eye.

“Why the hell not?” He paused before going on, he was outraged.

“Harry, we have tried everything, having dinners with billions of families just to help you out!” he shouted.

“Well, did you ever think, maybe I didn’t want that!” I clamored.

“We’re just trying to help you out, Har. You can’t live like this forever, you’ve got to move on sooner or later.” I put my head in my hands then looked up briefly. 

This has nothing to do with Chloe!” I looked back out the window as tears threatened to escape my eyes. I was not going to cry, not here, not now.

“Then what is it?” he asked frantic. With my lack of answer he turned his head back to his window. The car suddenly fell very silent.

“I just don’t want you to end up alone,” he said hoarsely after a few moments of silence. I blinked away the tears that once again were threatening to escape. I looked down to see the carabear still in my hand. Maybe one day, just maybe, I’d be able to give it to Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this chapter is kinda deep. You learn in this one that Harry has a dark past with Chloe. You also see his dad and his relationship. Harry's dad is not being mean here, his dad has been trying to help Harry find that someone and he's had no luck, so its natural for him to be frustrated.


	12. Chapter XI: Abase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

I dreamed of him again last night. Only this time the dream wasn’t a nightmare, but rather heated. It consisted of Louis and I making out on a bed that had I not woken up soon would of escalated to not just making out if you know what I mean. Louis and I are going to the beach today. Its been another long week at work and we both thought it’d be nice to relax. Gemma and her boyfriend found a house and are in the process of buying it. I’m going to miss her when she moves out, I’m sure I’ll see her often but it’ll be weird not seeing her in the house everyday or eating across from her at the table. I was sitting in the family room waiting for Louis to pick me up. My dad hasn’t brought up the whole dating situation all week. I’m not mad at him. How could I be? All he wants is for his son to find his soulmate. But maybe he was trying too hard, in fact he was more into me finding someone than myself. Then again I did find someone, it just wasn’t going to work out. The doorbell rang twice and I got up, opening the door to reveal Louis. A smile grew onto each of our faces as we made eye contact. Louis made me happy. Very happy. Probably too happy. We hopped into his car, buckling up. He turned the radio on slightly, it was on some christian gospel station. I chuckled as I sent him a wired glance. Although, he was a pastor’s son he was not the type to be jamming out to music about jesus.

“I was driving with my dad the other day and he forced me to listen to this shit,” he explained as we drove in the road. You would never guess that he was the pastor’s son just by looking at him. It’s not that he was a bad boy, he was far from one. He’s spontaneous, brave, and advantageous. We pulled up to the beach, unpacking the car. The beach was surprisingly empty today. There was less than five people there. We went in the water first. We plunged into the water together holding hands, jumping in from a mountain of sand. When I lept into the water I felt myself falling in more ways than one. Heat was riveting from our hands and I knew I was falling for the silly boy with a mop of hair and stunning eyes. When I landed in that water with our hands still intact, I knew it was more than just a crush. I swam up to be met by blue eyes that matched the sky around us. We panted for breath. 

I was suddenly scared that I would lose him if he ever found out. And even though I had only known him for two months now, I wouldn’t be able to live without out him. I instantly pulled him into a hug, wrapping my arms around his back. He was caught off guard at first but then hugged back fondly.

“Can you promise me something?” I asked as I pulled him even close if that was humanly possible.

“Yeah, anything,” he said softly resting his chin on my shoulder. Tears threatened to escape my eyes as I blinked them away.

“Promise me that you’ll never leave me, no matter what happens,” I stated my heart pounding in my chest. He pulled me even closer to him and rubbed my hand with his hand. 

“I’ll never in a million years leave you, Hazza,” he told me in an angelic voice. Had I not been so frightened I probably would have made a move to kiss him. But I didn’t. I wasn’t as fearless as him. Someday though, I wish to be as brave as him. He pulled back from the hug letting his eyes search mine. He smiled at me and a smile reflected back on my own face. I wanted to see that smile everyday if possible. 

“C’mon Haz, let’s go swimming,” he said as he swam away, purposely splashing me in doing so. I swim after him, splashing him as I swim. He kicked his legs obnoxiously, getting water in my face. I swam under water and found him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, then reluctantly let go with one hand, using it to dunk his head under water. I didn’t keep him under long, I liked him too much. He came back up to the surface, I still had a hand lingering on his waist, he made no move to pull away so I kept it there. He chuckled with a smirk on his face. He then dunked me under the water for a moment. I gasped for breath, struggling against him under the water. I then suddenly without thought, wrapped both of my arms around his waist. He let go of my head and I rose to the surface, still keeping my arms wrapped around him. 

“Are you okay?” he asked me gazing into my eyes. 

“Y-yeah,” I shatter trying to contain myself. 

“Okay, you’re acting…” he trailed off, as I removed my arms from his waist.

“I’m acting what?” I asked curiously. He sighed going limp in the water.

“Nevermind.” I shake my head. 

“No, tell me,” I say. He sighed again and let his eyes meet mine.

“You’re just acting different, not in a bad way though. You just seem off, dazed off in your stream of thought. What’s bothering you?” he asked with concern. I couldn’t tell him though. Not yet, not here, not now. 

“Its nothing,” I say nonchalantly. I can’t fool him though. He can read me like a book. 

“C’mon, you can tell me,” he pleads. So I told me leaving out parts and names. I told of both dates that didn’t go well and the dreams but didn’t go into detail on what the dreams were. 

“The other night I had this horrible nightmare, it felt so real and I was terrified. I woke my whole family up by my screams. I’ve had nightmares a lot like the one I had but, it was a while back,” I explain. He held sympathy in his eyes.

“What were the first nightmares about?” he asks.

“They started a few years back, after Chloe they started. Most were involved me watching her get shot as I was restrained in some sort of way. I would wake up covered in tears with my parents by my side. They all felt so real, everything about them.” His eyes softened as he pulled me into a hug. 

We stayed at the beach rather late, swimming in the water for hours and talking for hours on end while watching the sun set. I found myself opening up more and more to Louis. I trusted him. When I arrived home, I saw Niall across the street taking the garbage out. I strided over to him. He had left his blonde hair down, drooping over his face while usually it was up in a quiff. He placed the bag in the pale and shot me a smile.

“Long time no see,” he said offering a smile. I still had a smile plastered to my face from seeing Louis. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been busy,” I say. 

“Yeah, I’ve seen Louis’ car parked outside your driveway almost everyday,” he said with no hint of envy. 

“Yeah, we’ve become pretty close.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and we walked over to the steps, sitting on them. 

“So have you been on anymore dates with Sydney?” I ask him. He gazed up at me smiling at the mention of her name.

“Yeah, we made it official last week,” he said with a smile. I glanced up at the stars that were now hanging above us in the dark night. 

“Have you been on any dates since our double?” he asks.

“Yeah, last week I went on one.” He shoots me a look of what I decipher to be hope. 

“How’d it go?” he asks. 

“She was nice but the spark just wasn’t there.” Niall sighed, puffing out his cheeks.

“You’re going to find that someone someday, Haz,” he told me as his eyes gazed into mine. 

“I hope so,” I mutter as I stare up at the stars. I wondered if Chloe was up there watching over me, making sure I got home safe every night. The air became very still between us. As sinful thoughts of Louis popped in my head, my body became unsteady.

“W-what d-do you th-think about homosexuality?” I shuddered, my voice tremulous. He popped his head up at me, making eye contact. 

“I think its one of the worst sins one can commit. It’s absolutely disgusting,” he says without thinking twice. I lower my head, running my hands through my hair. I was such an idiot to think for even a second that we could work. We would never work out, not here at least.

“Why do you ask?” Niall asks.

I lift my head up and mutter, “just wondering.” 

I laid in my bed rethinking the day over. My feelings for Louis were more than just a crush but not love yet. But we would never work out. Never in a million years. In this country a guy cannot hold hands with another guy nor kiss another guy. I wondered how my brain had become so tarnished, if all these sinful thoughts were Louis’ fault. But its not, I’m not sure whose fault it is. I can feel myself digging deeper and deeper each day, and soon I will have fully dug my own grave. It won’t work out between us but for some stupid reason my heart won’t comprehend that. Stupid cupid and his careless arrow, making people fall for who they aren’t supposed to. I guess there’s nothing I can do about it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos!! I may not post as much this week cause I'm really busy. So basically, Harry is beginning to come to terms with his feelings for Louis as well as his sexuality. You see Harry change in this chapter, putting his trust in Louis. And then there's Niall...Sorry I had to make him homophobic for the story. Just like with Harry at the begining, all Niall knows is that being gay is wrong and he's never questioned that. Its like how we are told that murder is wrong and we don't question it until later in life. Murder is still wrong though, and homosexuality is not wrong. The final paragraph allutes to Cupid and one of the quotes Shakespear so clevery made about Cupid being blind. 
> 
> “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
> 
> And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
> 
> ― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream


	13. Chapter XII: Aberration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

_“I love you,” a voice says in the dark. I lay on a blanket looking up at the stars. There is nothing in miles of us. I glance over to see Louis. “I love you, Harry,” he repeats. I smile to myself and kiss his lips. “I love you too, Louis,” I say as I start kissing down his neck. A moan escapes his lips as I kiss each patch of skin on his neck. I am on top of Louis, I can feel his breath hitch with each kiss. He brings his lips to mine which soon becomes torrid. Louis flips us over so he is on top. He moves his lips from mine and kisses my jaw line, making me whimper. He kisses every patch of skin on me as he makes his way to my shirt. In one swift movement, he removes my shirt and then his own. He finds my soft spot on my collarbone and makes sure to imprint his love on me. I moan numerous times as I can feel my pants become tighter and my member become hard. Once he had left his mark, he left a trail of kisses down my torso, kissing each of my tattoos. As he did so, each of our jeans got tighter and tighter._

 _“You ready, Boo?” he asks as he looked up at me when he met the rim of my boxers. I nodded my head. He unbuttoned them, then teasingly shoved his hand in my boxers stroking my hard on._

 _

“C’mon Lou,” I whimpered. He rolled his eyes as he pulled his hand out of my boxers and let me remove his skinny jeans. Once fully unclothed, we began the most sinful act. 

_I woke up with an unpleasant feeling in my boxers. I got out of my bed and noticed it was wet, and not with pee. I quickly stripped the sinful sheets, throwing them in the washer along with my boxers. As I waited for them to wash, I took the longest shower of my life, trying to wash the iniquity from my body. I was beyond disgusted with myself. What did this mean? There was no way this meant I wanted to sleep with Louis. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to have sex with anyone. I wasn’t a prude and I had been tempted to before but I had only had sex once before. But then why did I dream of doing it with Louis? My head began to ache from all the thinking. I stepped out of the shower and threw some sweats on. Maybe I should stay home from work today, recollect my thoughts and destroy the sinful thoughts from my brain. I called Louis up and told him I was ‘sick’. I just didn’t want to face him today to be honest. I’m not sure if I could handle that. My brain was so overflowing with crap that I felt exhausted just from thinking. I flopped back on my newly cleaned bed and shut my eyes to hopefully get some blissful sleep. I was just about to fall asleep when I was interrupted by the door bell. I reluctantly got up from my cozy bed and opened the door. And guess who was standing there looking ever so darling._

 _

“Decided I owned you a favor for taking care of me when I was sick,” he said with a grin. I just stood there dumbfounded. 

“Y-you don’t need to do that,” I said after a few moments. 

“Yes I do, that’s what friends are for.” He wouldn’t be calling me a friend if he knew what I dreamed of last night or would he? Don’t kid yourself, you know he’d be creeped out and would want nothing to do with you. 

“You gonna let me in or what?” he chuckled. I stepped aside, still in shock that he came here. 

“Do you want me to make you anything? Sour, tea..” he asked as I stride towards my room. 

“No, I’m good,” I told him as I opened my room door. I plopped down on my bed, and he laid beside me. 

“You look like you haven’t slept in days,” he comments. 

“I haven’t,” I tell him. A look of concern crossed over his face. We laid on our sides, facing each other. He brushed a piece of my hair out of my eyes. I stared into his deep blue eyes that never failed to consume me. 

“Why is that?” he asked. My breath hitched in my throat as my imagination started to run wild. I shut my eyes, forcing them to dissipate. My eyes shot open as I felt him place his hand behind my neck. 

“It’s okay,” he told me in a tranquil voice. But I was anything but tranquil, my body was a mix of hormones and emotions that were lost causes. I looked to his soft pump lips that seemed so desirably kissable yet so sinfully unkissable. My lips began to tremble as tears filled my eyes. I wanted him so bad yet I knew I could never have him. Even if he felt the same way about me, we would never work out, what I want with him will always be unattainable. I closed my eyes once more, these feelings had to perish. Somewhere deep down, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Louis turned on Netflix and forced me to watch The Vampire Diaries. I rested my head on his chest as we watched episode after episode of season 1. After each one, he would give me an analysis of the episode. 

“You’re such a dork,” I chucked as he analyzed the episode we just finished watching. 

“And you’re not?” he smirked as he poked one of my dimples. 

“True,” we both snickered and he put on the next episode. * * * 

On that friday, we went to the beach again. We didn’t go swimming though, we just walked along the water. 

“Let’s get some ice cream,” he suggested as we passed a ice cream stand with a small line. I nodded my head as I followed him in line. 

“Two twists on waffle cones,” he ordered smiling at me. 

I took out my wallet but he shook his head, “I got this.” He paid the guy and grabbed our ice creams. We took a seat on a bench by the water, watching the waves crash onto the shore. 

“I think this is my favorite place here in this small town,” he commented as he stared out at the sea. I nodded agreeing. 

“Its always so full of life and beauty,” he said with a smile. We licked our ice creams in delight falling into a peaceful silence. 

“You never told me what your favorite book was,” I said after a moment. 

“I don’t read many books, there’s only one book that I’ve read that I like,” he told me. 

“What book was that?” He took a bite of his cone staring out at the beach. 

“Lord of the Flies.” I had read the book for school a couple of years back, I didn’t remember too much about it. 

“I like the themes in it. Its the one book that doesn’t glamorize the world and humanity,” he explained. Louis finished his ice cream and glanced over to me. 

“You have some ice cream on your face,” he chuckled. I used my sleeve to try and wipe it off. 

“Wrong side.” I tried again still missing it. 

“Here,” he said softly as he took his thumb, he moved closer to me and wiped the ice cream off my face. He lingered there for a moment too long and our eyes met. I wanted to kiss him more than anything in the world at that moment. His lips looked so soft and sweet, I just wanted to have the honor of kissing them. I turned my head, going in for it, forgetting every thought in my mind. And then all the negatives came back at once and I pulled away before he noticed what I was about to do. I had almost let my feelings get the best of me and risk everything. I couldn’t let that happen. These feelings had to go away.

_

_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, Harry realizes he has sexual attractions to Louis and that itself is a sin that could send him to hell in somes' point of view.


	14. Chapter XIII: Accentuate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

I sat at the beach, Louis’ and mine gulcium. I overlooked the sea as the sun set down on it. Scriptures from today’s church runs through my head. 

_“Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always remains strong. Love never ends,” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)._

 _ _Memories of Louis and I flashed through my mind; the day we met when my green eyes entered the world of his glimmering blue ones, when I gave him his first cooking lesson in which he was horrible and I without thinking pulled my arms around him showing him how to roll the dough, and when we went to this very beach, sitting where I am now, where we laughed and swam and pushed each other around having a tickle war.__

 _ _

_“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination,” (Leviticus 18:22)._

 _ _I think of when Louis had dinner with mine and Angela’s families, when Louis grabbed my hand on a sunday after church and pulled me into the water, how I felt something when he grabbed my hand, how I could get lost in his endless ocean blue eyes.__

 _ _

_“If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense.”(Leviticus 20:13)_

 _ _I remember the dreams I’ve been having, each one more sinful than the last. I remember how yesterday as Louis wiped away ice cream from my lip and my eyes locked on his, how I desperately wanted to kiss him, I didn’t though.__

 _ _

_“You know they're the one when one want to spend every waking moment with them. When you want to know everything about them, from their favorite color to their darkest secret. When you’re with them, you feel infinite, like you can take on the world. They should inspire you to be a better person, and you should admire everything about them, even their flaws.”_

 _ _I think of his eyes that are endless pools of blue and how imperfectly perfect he is, how if I could I would spend every waking minute with him.__

 _ _

_“You know when you put their needs in front of your own, caring more about their happiness than your own.When their emotion reflect your own, when they’re happy, you’re happy. When they’re sad, you’re sad. You know when no matter how mad at them you are, you still love them. You know when you live to make them happy, smile, and laugh.”_

 _ _I remember the time when I took care of Lou when he was sick, and how my heart ached just to see him so ill. I remembered the stabbing in my chest every time Louis looked sad or an unknown expression entered his features. I thought of how just seeing his face, made my day. How making him smile and laugh was like landing on Mars.__

 _ _

_“Don't you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people-none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God,”(1 Corinthians 6:9-11)._

 _ _I had an epiphany, I, Harry Styles, was in love with another man. Something that is frowned upon here to put it lightly. But I am so in love. I have fallen head over heels into oblivion. It’s inevitable that we won’t end up together, we’re not meant to be, we’re star crossed lovers that will never be. Not because our love is not true, cause it sure as hell is. But because of society and how homosexuality is outlawed here. So outlawed that ‘sodomy’ as they refer to gay sex as is punished by death. But I love him dearly. What am I to do? Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I can’t win either way. But I can’t hide my feelings for him any longer. I love him and all I want to do is kiss his pink lips as I tell him so. How am I to tell him this? How do I even begin to tell my best friend that I am in love with him? What if he is disgusted or doesn’t feel the same way? I couldn’t bare to lose him. But at the same time, I couldn’t bare another second without knowing he is completely mine. I guess I’ll just have to be brave like Louis for once. Take a chance and hope for the best. I decide to head home, it's far past midnight and my parents will kill me if they found out I snuck out. I jump off the rock and shove my hands in my pockets as I begin the walk home. I probably should've drove here, considering its a long walk but my parents would of heard my car drive off. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone but Louis about my love for him, they would be ashamed of me. It would have to stay between us. If you had told me last year that I would fall in love with a boy, I would of laughed, never in a million years did I imagine this. I guess love isn’t something you can expect nor predict. I reach my street and see every house has its lights out. I can see Niall’s bedroom window with his small lamp turned on. He is still afraid of the dark and can’t sleep without a small light. I smiled to myself and walked up the driveway. I tiptoed to the door and opened it as quiet as possible. Once inside, I tiptoed ever so carefully to my room. Once safely in my room, I collapsed on my bed, finally free.__

 _ _

When I woke up that morning, I smiled to myself only to have it fall when I remembered what I would have to do today. I called Louis up. 

“Hey Haz,” his sweet voice said. I could practically see him smiling on the other end. I smiled fondly. 

“Hey Lou, can we go to that forest you took me to a while back today?” I asked as my heart raced in my chest. 

“Yeah, I’ll be on my way to pick you up soon,” he said. We said our goodbyes and hung up. My hands were shaking as I went through my wardrobe trying to find the perfect outfit. I went through my clothes, disregarding the ones I didn’t like which happened to be a lot. I sighed as anxiety filled me. I wondered why I couldn’t be fearless like Louis. But I was anything but that. 

“Morning Haz, you going somewhere?” Gemma asked as she entered my room. 

“Yeah,” I said not daring to turn around. 

“You need help finding an outfit?” she asked as she gazed at the messy pile of clothes I disregarded. I turned around to face her, sighing and nodding my head. I stepped aside, collapsing on the bed while she went through my clothes. 

“Where are you going, that’s got you so nervous?” she asked curious. My silence gave away my answer. 

“Oh my god, my little Hazza is going on a date!” she exclaimed in an excited voice. 

“Its not really a date,” I mumbled. She ignored me and pressed on as she continued to look through my clothes. 

“So who is the lucky lady?” she asked. 

“Louis-a,” I said hoping she wouldn’t notice the lie. I didn’t even know a Louisa in this town. 

“Oh, Louisa Johnson?” she asked as examined a t-shirt of mine. Now I remembered, Louisa Johnson went to secondary school with me, she was the weird girl everyone avoided on purpose that picked her nose and stalked random people. Of course I had to pick her to use as my fake date. 

“Y-yeah.” She decided on a plaid button down shirt with a white shirt for underneath and skinny jeans. Once I was dressed, I made sandwiches for Louis and I and put them into a picnic basket along with a checkered blanket. By the time I was finished Louis was knocking on my door. I could feel the butterflies restless in my stomach as I opened the door. We both smiled at each other, eyes shining. I grabbed the basket and we went to his car. 

“What’s in the basket?” he asked as I put it in the back of his car. I took my place, shotgun and he started the car. 

“You’ll see,” I said. A smile had still not left my lips. We pulled out of the driveway and began our drive to the forest. My nerves grew with each mile we drove. Louis talked most of the drive cause my mouth was unable to form words. He pulled up to the dirt road and parked the car. I noticed the clouds in the sky that indicated rain was on its way. Great, the universe really hates me. I grabbed the basket from the car and we began our walk in the forest. 

“You okay? You’re awful quiet today,” Louis said as we walked. My heart pounded in my chest. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” I assured him. We made our way to the end of the forest, where the ledge that looked over the ocean was. 

“So are you going to tell me what’s in the basket now?” he asked arching an eyebrow. 

“We’re having a picnic,” I told him as I pulled out the blanket from the basket. I laid the blanket down and we took a seat on it. I then pulled out the sandwiches from the basket. I handed him one and then got out the drinks. 

“What’s the occasion?” he asked as I poured each of us some lemonade. 

“There’s no occasion,” I said with a nervous smile. We began to eat our food in a comfortable silence. As we ate, the nerves kept on building up inside of me. Louis finished his sandwich and smiled brightly at me. 

“That was really good,” he told me as I finished my sandwich. I had to tell him now, I had stalled long enough. 

“I lied,” I said with sudden bravado. His eyes met mine as his smile dropped. 

“There is an occasion.” Louis sat up a bit more, straightening his position. 

“You’re not firing me are you?” he chuckled nervously. 

“No, I’d never fire you, Lou,” I told him as I started picking at the grass nervously. 

“Then what is it?” he asked with curious eyes. 

“I really like you, Lou,” I told him as my eyes shot up to meet his briefly. 

“I like you too, Haz.” My heart fluttered at the nickname. I bit down hard on my bottom lip as the nerves grew even more. 

“It’s more than just that.” Thunder suddenly roared around us and rain started pouring down from the sky. 

“Shit,” I muttered. We both looked up at the dark sky that hung over up and got to our feet. He grabbed my hand and we raced towards the car. The rain continued to pour down on us as we ran. It seemed much longer than on the way here. We stopped to catch our breaths under a tree. Once Louis caught his, he opened his mouth to speak. 

“What were you trying to tell me?” he asked. My eyes scanned every inch of him with pure lust and love. Everything about him was so perfect. I had never wanted anything more in that moment. I became dauntless and brave in that moment as I without a second thought, connected our lips, wrapping my arms around his neck. I kissed him with more passion than I had ever before. And he kissed back, wrapping his arms around my waist. No, the kiss wasn’t perfect and our lips clashed together a few times but there was something I felt when we kissed that made me want to kiss him again. I pulled back for a mere second, his hands held my head. 

“I love you,” I whispered to him. We both breathed heavily. 

“I love you too,” he told me after a moment. I smiled at how flawless the moment was. 

“Our parents can’t know about this, no one can know about this. We could get in so much trouble if anyone were,” he told me. 

“I’m willing to take that risk.”

__

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Larry has arrived! Harry finally accepts the fact that he loves Louis and make a move. Throughout the first part of the chapter are bible verses about love and homosexuality. Harry is in this chapter, analyzing the bible and contradicting it. He sees that he's in love but the bible states that his love isn't love. But he comprehends that his love is still love no matter what people wrote ages ago in a book.


	15. Chapter XIV: Affable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

A smile never left my face that night nor the day after. I was literally beaming. Everyone noticed my change of mood. 

“How was your date?” Gemma asked at dinner. I smiled even wider if that was possible at the memory. 

“It was really good,” I told her. My parents looked at me with smiles. 

“Who was this with?” my dad asked. 

“Louisa Johnson,” my sister answered for me. My smile began to fade as I picked at my food, my appetite suddenly gone. After dinner I went to my room and called Louis. He answered within the first ring. He sounded content. 

“What do you say to going on a date tomorrow?” he asked, his voice filled with excitement. 

“Depends, does this mean I’m your secret boyfriend?” I asked. I was laid on my stomach on my bed smiling like an idiot. 

“Yes, boyfriend,” he said with a chuckle I wish I could see. 

“Okay, so I’ll pick you up at five tomorrow.” We hung up and I went to bed. I had the first full night of sleep in weeks. And my dreams didn’t contain him cause for once, my life was better than my dreams. I spent the next day anxiously watching the clock tick by. 

“Going on another date?” Gemma asked as I stared at a blank TV screen. I nodded my head, a smile forming on my lips without permission. Gemma took a seat next to me, she smiled at me, her eyes as bright as her smile. 

“I’m really happy for you, Haz. You deserve to find that someone,” she told me as she slung her arm around my shoulders. For a moment my smile disappeared as I wondered if she would say the same if she knew who I really loved. But I forced the thought out of my mind, I finally found that someone, I wouldn’t let the gender of that person ruin it. There was a knock on the door and I jumped up from the couch. 

“Have fun!” Gemma called as I closed the door behind me as I went outside. Louis smiled wide at me. A smile so bright, it made the sun envious of its brightness. We went over to his car and drove off. Once in the safety of his car, he reached out and took my hand into his. Just that simple gesture sent sparks through my body. 

“So where are you taking me?” I asked him as I turned my head to study his appearance. He hair laid flat on his head today, it had gotten quite long since I first met him, it was now all the way to his shoulders but he managed to pull the look off. He had on black skinny jeans and a white tank top that showed off his defined muscles. I then looked down to myself, I too had on black skinny jeans but I choose to wear a dark green jumper and tie my hair back with a headscarf. 

“Its a surprise,” Louis told me with a smirk. 

“I hate surprises,” I pouted. He pulled up to a stop light, turning to look me in the eye. 

“You’ll like this one.” The further we drove the more sketchy the view got, the houses weren’t the prettiest by the road. It looked like we were on the outskirts of the town. It still hadn’t stopped raining from yesterday, pouring down the entire drive. Louis pulled up to a deserted home. It looked like it hadn’t been lived in, in years. The shingles on the roof were tearing off and the paint was washing away. 

“What is this place?” I asked him as he opened my door for me. He took my hand into his and we ran into the house, trying not to get drenched by the rain. 

“This was my grandma’s house growing up, my mum was raised in this house,” he told me. We stepped inside, the electricity didn’t work here, that’s how run down it was but somehow, Louis had managed to make the inside look beautiful. I looked around to see candles all around the big open room. The house was really small, the very first room was the biggest. It had no furniture in it at all. Louis had set up two bean bags in the middle of the floor in the room with some take out chinese food by it and a radio on the floor. 

“Shall we?” he asked gesturing towards the bean bags. I chuckled, taking a seat on the blue beanie. He sat on the one next to me and handed me the food. 

“So, did you come here a lot to visit your grandparents as a kid?” I asked as we began to eat. 

“Yeah, but when they both died my parents let the bank have the house. I have always had a special place in my heart for this house, I practically grew up here,” he explained. The rain was still pouring down on the house, lighting up the room with lightening every few minutes. I felt special getting to know this part of him. I could tell just by his tone of voice that this place meant a lot to him. And it meant a lot to me that he took my here. But why here of all places? 

“Not to be rude or anything, but why did you bring me here?” I asked. 

“Cause, I want you to get to know every part of me. Past and present, good and bad. I know we’re ill-fated but I really want to make this work,” he told me with sincerity in his eyes. 

“You really make me happy, Haz. And I’ve never wanted anything or anyone so bad in my life.” He was being so vulnerable and honest, and it opened me up to a whole new side of him, the side that I got the sense that he didn’t show to too many people. 

“It scares me how much I want this to work.” I put down my food and smiled fondly at him. I cocked my head to the side, looking him in the eye. 

“You’re amazing, you know that Lou?” Something about his eyes told me he didn’t. I reached my hand up to touch his face. 

“I’m not that amazing,” he said peering downward, blushing. 

“You are though, you’re brave and selfless and funny and confident and extraordinary.” My hand was on his cheek, making his eyes lock on mine. 

“I want this too,” I then said after a moment and let my lips meet his with pure bliss. His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his lap as we continued to kiss. He bit my lip, making my groan and slid his tongue in my mouth, so our tongues could dance together in sync. There was music playing softly in the background. I recognized the tune to be a cover of Elvis’ classic Can’t Help Falling in Love. Louis pulled back, making me whimper cause the loss of contact. 

“May I have this dance, Styles?” he asked as he stood up, offering me his hand. I took it with pleasure, letting him pull me to my feet. I wrapped my hands around his neck while his wrapped around my waist as we swayed back and forth to the lyrics. 

_“some things are meant to be. take my hand, take my whole life too.”_

 _ _We rested our forehead against each other, staring fondly into each other’s orbs.__

 _ _

“I love you,” I whispered to him. He smiled sincerely. 

“I love you too.” And then the space between us was gone and his lips were pressed against mine. I couldn’t think of a better day, or a better way the night could have gone.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to analyze in this chapter, just some cute larry fluff. Why do you guys believe in Larry? I personally believe in them cause well my friend has been a shipper since the beginning and one day I looked them up and soon I was watching evidence after evidence on youtube and then I began doing my research about them and soon I was a full obsessed shipper. Thanks for all the kudos and reads!!


	16. Chapter XV: Amicable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“You’re getting good at this, babe,” I tell Louis as I slide my hands around his waist. He just finished frosting a cookie, he used different colored frosting to make it look like a rainbow. Memories of how he frosted like a five year old when he first started working floats through my mind making me chuckle. 

“Is that so?” he says with a playful smirk as he turns his head to look me in the eyes, placing his hands over mine. 

“Yeah,” I say simply as I plant a kiss on his temple. He threads his fingers through my curls as he pulls my face to his, connecting our lips. The kiss is passionate but not too heated. We both made an unspoken decision to keep things slow. Our lips move in perfect sync, his tongue sliding into my mouth, making me moan. I pull back and we both have smiles that go to the moon and back. 

“You should come over to dinner tonight,” I suggest. 

“Will your parents be there?” he asks. 

“Yeah, please?” I plead. His eyes lure into me as he gives in. 

“Fine.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips and we go back to work. When we arrive home to my house, my dad is watching a football game with Gemma’s boyfriend while I can hear my mum and Gemma in the kitchen. We slip our shoes off laughing at some crazy story Louis just finished telling me. 

“Hey boys. I didn’t know you were coming over to dinner, Louis,” my dad says as he glances at us from the couch. We walk over to the couch standing over to the side. Louis slips his hands in his pockets nervously. 

“Yeah, Louis mentioned that his parents were out of town, so I invited him over,” I told him smiling at Louis. 

“Well, you’re welcome here any time, Louis. Dinner won’t be ready for another 15 minutes.” My dad offers him a polite smile which he returns. 

“Thanks Mr. Styles.” 

We head up to my room. Louis examines every part of my room, as if memorizing it so he could look at it later. I realized that this was only his second time in my room. He soaked in every inch of the room, taking it all in, as if...as if it were a part of me. Which it was. It wasn’t much, there was a bed in the middle with green sheets and the room was painted a sky blue. I had few posters on the walls and on the shelves were dozens of books. He slid his fingers across the binding of each book. His eyes then glanced over to the record player set up by my bed with a set of records on the table. He looked through each of them, studying each with equal importance. 

“Where’d you get all of these? I can’t even find these things in my grandparents things,” he says. I walk over to where he stands, standing a safe distance apart. My breath hitched in my throat as the memory of when I was given it flashed before me. 

“Chloe gave it to me for my birthday, it was her dad’s.” Silence spills over the room, realization in his eyes. He ran his fingers over the player carefully then glanced up at me. 

“Do you miss her?” he asks quietly, as if he were afraid that if he asked louder he would offend me. 

“Yeah, of course.” Keeping his hand on the player, he steps closer to me. 

“Do you still love her?” he asks heavily. I close the gap between us, leaning my forehead on his as I shake my head. 

“Not the way I love you, I will always remember and care and love her but as a friend. I no longer dwell in the past of old memories, I’ve moved on, accepted the fact that she’s gone and there’s nothing I can do about it but move on.” Louis stares at me with astonishment in his blue orbs. Like I am some sort of king that he idolizes. 

“It’s what she would want me to do,” I say with a struggled voice. He wraps his arms around me, rubbing my back in circles. We get called down to dinner and all sit around the table. 

“Louis, would you like to lead us in a prayer?” my dad asks. He agrees and we all bow our heads. 

“Dear Lord, thank you for all the blessings you’ve given us. Thank you for the amazing friends and family that surround us. Thank you for putting the food on the table and giving us a reason to live. Thank for all you’ve given us, and the connections you’ve helped us make. A men.” Louis and I locked eyes smiling at each other. 

“You going to be a preacher like your father, Louis?” I cut into my meat glancing a look at Louis. 

“No, I think I’ll probably end up doing something in the entertainment business, like a actor or football player.” The conversation stays casual talking about Louis’ family and life at home. 

“So Louis, has Harry told you about his new girlfriend?” Gemma asked. I nearly choked on my chicken, ending up coughing and downing some water. Louis raises an eyebrow looking from Gemma to me. 

“Harry’s got a girlfriend?” he questions. Gemma jumps right on in. 

“Yeah, they just started dating the other week, he hasn’t stopped smiling since that date. Her name’s Louisa.” A smirk appears on his face as he turns to me. 

“Now that you mention it, he has told me about her. He’s fallen head over heels for her. From what I hear she’s quite the catch. Isn’t that right, Haz?” Louis chimes with mischief in his eyes. I cough to avoid choking again. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” I mutter. 

After dinner, we go back to my room. Once the door is shut behind us, Louis gets as close to me as possible. 

“So, Harold tell me about this Louisa, what does she look like? What’s your favorite thing about her?” he asks even though he knows damn well that she doesn’t exist. 

“Well, she’s quite extraordinary. She’s unlike any other person I’ve met. Not to mention she has the prettiest blue eyes.” He slides his arms around my waist as he backs me up against the door. 

“Pretty blue eyes huh? Prettier than mine?” I slam our lips together, kissing him with so much desire. His hands cling to the back of my shirt as I run my tongue over his as I flip us around, slamming him against the door as our tongues fight for dominance. My hands stay planted on his waist while our tongues move miles in a race of some sort. I can feel us both going hard from the intensity of the kiss. I pull away but he pulls me right back, kissing down my neck to my shoulder where he decides to leave his mark on me, biting down onto my skin making a moan escape my lips without consent. When he’s finished I have a scar to prove that he is mine and I am his. 

“Good luck covering that up, Harold.” I chuckled smiling. 

“I’ll get you back for this, Tomlinson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter continues the show the bond between harry and louis. it also shows some of harry's past, which as the story progresses, you will learn more and more about.


	17. Chapter XVI: Aesthetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

I was in middle of Gemma explaining how I should bring Louisa over for dinner one night when I got saved by the ring of my phone. I glanced to the screen, smiling when I saw the Caller ID as Louis. It was just past noon and yet Gemma somehow thought I was awake enough to discuss my ‘relationship with Louisa’.

“I should take this,” I said as I grabbed my phone, getting up.

“Fine but this conversation is not over Harold!” she shouted after me as I left the room rolling my eyes while I clicked the accept button.

“Hey, Hazza are you busy tonight?” he asked with enthusiasm.

“No, why?” I asked as I hopped onto the kitchen counter.

“Well, Zayn has the flu so he’s letting me have his tickets to the Coldplay concert tonight, do you want to go with me?” I caught a hitch of nervousness in his voice. I smiled wide, grinning from ear to ear, my eyes as bright as the sun.

“Depends Lou, is this going to be our first public date?” I jeered with a smirk.

He chuckled, “Yes it will, Hazza. We’ll have to lay low on the PDA but once the lights are out we can do whatever you want.” My smirk only grew.

“Whatever I want? Mhmm, I may just take you up on that, making a mark of my own on you.” Gemma walked in the room with the biggest grin in the world.

“Is that her?” she mouthed to me. I nodded my head cause what else could I say. No I’m actually dating Louis and we’re going on a date tonight which I plan on leaving a love bite on his neck. Yeah cause I could so do that...Not. She gushed poking at my dimples as I turn red as a tomato.

“I gotta go, I’ll see you tonight, babe.” Gemma mimics me then grabs my cheeks like I’m still some kid.

“You know, it’s sounds really sexy when you call me that. I’ll pick you up at half past six. See you then, babe.” I hang up the phone and try to walk out the room without Gemma following me at my heels. She does anyway.

“Where are you two going tonight? Maybe she can have dinner with us before you two go,” she went on pushing me past my limit. I was now making my way up the stairs with her still tailgating me. I turned on my heel and snapped.

“She’s not coming over for dinner anytime soon! Just leave it alone! It’s none of your goddamn business!” As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. She searched my eyes for answers.

“I’m sorry for pressuring you Haz, I just want you to find that someone.” She turned around and went back downstairs.

I made Louis wait for me in his car, not wanting to risk getting caught in my lie. I hated lying to them but what other choice did I have. If they dare find out who I was really dating, and kissing, they would disown me. Well, maybe not that far but they would look at me differently-they would look at me like I had some type of disease that they could get by just talking to me. I had seen it with my own eyes how people in this country treat homosexuals. They not only call them unspeakable words but some people would even physically beat up the person if they weren’t in prison. If one was caught having sex with someone of the same gender or just even suspected of having sex with someone of the same gender and were deemed guilty they were punished by death which here was hanging by the gallows. It just made me sick to my stomach to think of what could happen if people found out about Louis and I. We arrived at the stadium and went to our seats which were on the floor right by the stage.

“This is amazing Lou, I’m going to have to bring Zayn over some soup tomorrow to thank him,” I said. And then the show began. The opening act was The Fray. The lights were completely out except for the ones pointed at the stage so without worry, I wrapped my arms around Louis’ waist as we swayed back and forth to the motion of the song.

_“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness.”_

We sang along to every song of the opening act, letting the lyrics swept out of our mouths. When they finished it was intermission. As time neared towards when Coldplay would go on, the floor got more and more crowded. I had Louis in front of me and laid my hands on the bars to protect people from trampling us. He kissed my cheek as the lights dimmed again. The stage lights went on and Chris Martin rose up on a piano onto the stage. He sang the lyrics to their biggest hit ‘Fix You’. The audience sang along in perfect sync, it sounded like a symphony. The sound of their voices all clashing together still somehow in tune was beyond astonishing. I had never been to a concert before. I knew it was an experience I would never forget. Although, I knew all the lyrics, I didn’t sing along. I was mesmerized by the way the audience’s voice and the bands’ synced together so flawlessly, almost like it was a recording. They went on to introduce themselves and then began their latest single, Sky Full of Stars. As they sang I encountered every memory of Louis and I. I thought about how different Louis was from anyone I had ever met. And how he made me feel more special than anyone I had ever met. He made me feel a part of something….something special. He strived to be the best at everything yet he stayed unique and his own individual. He hadn’t let the cruelness of the world and the people in it change him nor corrupt him….not yet at least. I loved him….no I was in love with him. I had never fallen this deeply, this quickly before. The way he made me feel with him or just simply texting or thinking of him was indescribable. No words could nearly explain how miraculous he made me feel. But deep, deep down in my heart, hiding in the dark there was a part of me that knew no matter how perfect we were for each other, we would never work, not because we weren’t meant to be, but because of how society looked and treated people like us nowadays. It shattered my heart to know that. I choose to ignore that small voice in my head that pleaded to back away now before I fell harder but I knew I had already fallen past the point of return. There was no turning back now.

The main singer, Chris, began a speech thanking everyone for coming and telling them to use their camera flashlights for the next song. Louis and I had switched positions somewhere between then and now. We both got out out phones, putting on the flashlight setting. Chris went over to the piano and began to sing the lyrics of their lesser known but not less amazing song, Midnight. Everyone waved their phones in motion of the song as he began to sing. The lyrics of the song are absolutely beautiful.

_“In the darkness before the dawn.”_

Louis had his arms wrapped around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

_“In the swirling of this storm.”_

We swayed in motion to the slow tune.

_“Rolling round, and with apologies.”_

I glanced around, watching the lights of the cameras sway back and forth.

_“And hope is gone.”_

It was beyond beautiful.

_“Leave a light, a light on.”_

The lights were captivating, swaying back and forth somehow in perfect unison.

_“Millions of miles from home.”_

With the lights swaying back and forth like that they looked like stars in the night sky.

_“In the swirling swimming on.”_

The flashlights suddenly turned into stars before my eyes, I was staring up at a breathless night sky.

_“When I'm rolling with the thunder.”_

Stars are beautiful but allusive.

_“But bleed from thorns.”_

You look at stars and typically you think of infinities; infinite time with the person you love.

_“Leave a light a light on.”_

But what most people choose to leave out is that some infinities are bigger than others.

_“Leave a light a light on.”_

Not everyone gets that happy ending with the one they love.

_“In the darkness before the dawn.”_

This isn’t some cliche disney movie.

_“In the darkness before the dawn.”_

There are no happy endings here.

_“Leave a light a light on.”_

Louis kissed me on the cheek, sending shivers up my spine.

_“Leave a light a light on.”_

I just wish we would have a larger infinity than others’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah this chapter was inspired by The Fault in Our Stars. I saw the movie the day i wrote this chapter, so yeah, sorry not sorry. It also beings into play the theme of infinities and happy endings and whether happy endings do exist in our world. I know deep chapter. I tend to be a deep person.


	18. Chapter XVII: Ambiguous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while?” Niall asked me. I felt bad, I hadn’t talked to him since we talked about my dreams which was a couple weeks ago. 

“Sorry about that, I’ve been busy.” I had been using that excuse far too often with him. I’m surprised he still comes around, I’m glad he does though. 

“Yeah, Harry’s been really busy,” Gemma interrupts as she enters the room, slipping on her shoes. Both of my parents are at the bakery. 

“I thought you were leaving,” I say rolling my eyes at her. 

“I am, just wanted to make sure you told Niall about your new girlfriend,” she said and then opened the door leaving the house. I was really hoping she wouldn’t mention that. But it seems like she’s been telling everybody. The thing about Niall is that unlike everyone else except Louis, he can see right through me. He knew when I’m lying. 

“Harry,” Niall snapped his fingers in front of my face. 

“What?” I asked. 

“I asked who this new girlfriend of yours was,” he repeated. I was lost for words, cause I knew if I told him the lie that I’ve told everyone else, he’ll see right through it. But the thing is, I can’t tell him the whole truth either. I sigh deeply, avoiding eye contact. 

“There is none.” Niall stared at me dumbfounded. 

“So what was Gemma talking about then?” he asks, arching an eyebrow. 

“My family thinks I have a girlfriend, but I don’t.” He crooked his head to the side confused. 

“Why’d you lie to them?” His voice is full of concern. 

“I just wanted them off my back about getting a girlfriend, they were always on my case about that, making dates for me.” Niall scotches closer to me on the couch. 

“Is that the only reason you’re lying to them?” For a second I consider telling him. Telling him everything about Louis and I. And then a voice comes into my head. 

“I think its one of the worst sins one can commit. It’s absolutely disgusting.” 

I couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand. 

I dropped my head and focused back to the TV that played lightly in the background. It was on some news channel. 

“Today, Liam Payne was arrested for engaging in homosexual sex. Payne will be staying in jail until his execution which is scheduled for Monday.” Niall’s eyes are on the screen too now. 

“We went to school with that kid,” Niall says. 

“Yeah,” I say quietly. Niall shakes his head turning the TV off. 

“I just don’t understand it, its absolutely disgusting. He deserves to go to hell.” Tears were forming in my eyes as I stood from the couch. 

“I-I forgot I have this thing to do,” I stuttered. I felt a lump form in my throat. 

“O-okay, I’ll see you around then.” Niall is almost at the door when he spins on his heel to face me. 

“Harry, you know you can tell me anything right? I just want what’s best for you.” His face was sincere and sympathetic. I nodded my head and he surprises me by pulling me in for a hug. 

“I just don’t want to see you getting hurt.” With that he leaves my house. I stare at the place that he had stood moments ago dumbfounded. What did he mean by this? He can’t possibly know about Louis and I. There’s no way, we’ve been so careful. I go to my room, sitting by the window, looking out at the rain. How did I end up here? I remember Liam from secondary school. He was on the football team and was popular. He was also really nice. He was the one guy who would stick up for anyone. Who would be there to stick up for him? All it would take was one slip, one moment and we could get caught causing a downfall of events. I didn’t know what I would do if my parents found out. They would feel let down and disgusted by their own son. And to be honest, I don’t think I would be able to handle that. I love my parents and I look up to them but if they no longer looked at me like they loved me I think I would lose it. 

Tears stained my cheeks. I don’t understand why it even matters if two guys love each other. Its no different from a girl and a guy loving each other. Why is it such a big deal? Can’t I just be happy with the one I love and have that be all that matters? Is this how Romeo felt when he fell Juliet? Probably. I bury my head in between my knees. I love him so much, I just want them to see that and not be disgusted by that fact. I guess some loves are just not meant to end happily. * * * 

After church on Sunday, Louis texted me to meet him in one of the rooms. I followed his directions to a room in the back of the church. I open the door to see a smiling Louis. He bounded over to me, placing his hands on my waist when he finally was as close as possible to me. The room was small and dark. There were desks around the room and a chalkboard in the front of the room. I guessed that this was the bible study room. 

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear, his breath hot against my neck. No matter how many times he said those words to me, the meaning never lessened and I never got tired of hearing him nor saying it back. I could feel his hand slip behind me to lock the door. I chuckled beaming at his bright features in the dark light. 

“I love you too, Lou.” In one sudden movement, his lips were on mine and my hands were laced in his hair, tugging at the ends of it while his shoved me back against the door. The kiss was heated but so passionate that I could feel how much he loved me with each kiss. I flipped us around, my hands on his back pulling him as close as humanly possible. We wanted to take things slow but we were also hormonal boys. I moved my lips from his lips to his neck, making him moan. I could feel the pressure of his hard on against mine in our tight jeans. My hands ripped his shirt open running up and down his toned stomach. 

“I’m in love with you, Lou. Every bit of you,” I muttered as I left a trail of kisses down his torso. He knelt his head back as he moaned out my name. His hands were in my curls, digging into my scalp as I started grinding my body against his. He repeated the action back to me, we did this for a while, grinding our mostly clothed bodies against each other. There was a sudden knock on the door that had us jumping up, scrambling to regather ourselves. 

“Louis? You in there?” A voice that sounded like his dad’s called. Louis threw me a bible and opened the door. 

“Hello, father,” Louis said trying to sound casual while the bulge in his pants told otherwise. 

“Hello, Louis, Harry. We are going to be leaving soon, meet us in the front of the church.” He then stride off in the distance. We both let out a deep breath that we didn’t know we were holding in. Louis took a seat up on the desk while I sat on a desk directly across from him. 

“That was close,” Louis said. I nodded my head. 

“We have to be more careful, Lou. Did you hear about that Liam guy?” He glanced over at me noting my sudden seriousness. He then nodded his head. 

“He went to my school, I knew him. I-I just don’t want you to get hurt,” I explained to him. Louis got up from the desk, striding towards me, placing his hands on my hips when he got a safe distance to me. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt either, babe.” 

The sudden understanding of the consequences of our relationship lingered between us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Niall is back! So this chapter give y'all more of an insight into Niall and Harry's friendship. Also at the end of chapter, Louis and Harry realize the consequences of their relationship. thanks for all the support on this book! it means the world to me to see your comments and kodus, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section.


	19. Chapter XVIII: Abstract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

Louis and I walked hand in hand through the forest, the very same forest where I told Louis I loved him. Its past supper time but the sun is still bright in the sky. We walked all the way to the top of the hill, laying down a blanket, then taking a seat. Louis pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. 

“I remember how nervous you were when you first told me, your hands were shaking and your voice was tremulous, you kept on running your hands through your hair. It was quite cute,” Louis said with a smile. He rested his head on my shoulder. 

“I wasn’t that nervous…” I countered. He chuckled. 

“You so were.” I blushed red and he poked one of my dimples. I leaned back against his chest as we watched the sun fall behind the clouds. I felt safe there in his arms wrapped around me, it felt so familiar and so much like home. I would of stayed in his arms for the rest of my life if I could. They’re soft but at the same time protective. The irony is I won’t be able to stay in his arms forever, one day they will rip me out of his grasp. And after that day, life will not be worth living anymore. 

“What are you thinking about, Haz?” Louis asked me as he gazed down at me. The sky was getting darker by the minute, the dark surrounding us. 

“We’re not going to make it are we?” I asked with sadness in my soft eyes. Louis’ eyes softened as he tightens his grip around me. 

“No, we probably aren’t but that doesn’t mean our love isn’t any less real.” That was the part I was having trouble understanding, if our love was real then why did people despise loves like ours? 

“Why can’t we just be together without having to worry about the law? We love each other, thats all that should matter,” I tried to explain outraged by humanity. 

“I don’t know, Haz. All I know is that I love you and I am willing to risk everything to be with you.” My jaw dropped a bit, understanding the entirety of that statement. 

“M-me too.” 

The sky was now completely dark with stars covering the darkness. I leaned back against Louis’ chest, he kissed the top of my head. 

“I wish we could stay here forever, hidden from reality,” Louis said softly. He laced his fingers together with mine. Everything fell very still in the silence of the night. 

“I’m scared Harry,” Louis admitted his voice tremulous. I glanced up to his blue eyes that never failed to amaze me. 

“Of what?” I asked. His eyes fell from the sky. 

“So, this is how Romeo felt. The only difference is that we’re not scared of our parents dying but us.” His eyes were glowing in the light of the full moon. 

“I don’t wanna end up on those gallows.” His voice broke as tears trickled down his cheeks. Brave Louis was scared. I remembered when I thought he was fearless. 

“I-I don’t want to be the one to lead you to your death,” he said with a cracked voice, breaking down. I reached up, wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

“I’m willing to take that risk, Lou. I love you so much and I’m willing to sacrifice it all for you. Yeah, I’m scared as hell but I love you and that’s all that matters. We’re in this together, remember?” I gave him a slow, loving kiss on the lips. He nodded his head as I pulled away and pulled me in closer to him. 

I got home late that night, my parents waited up for me. They stared accusingly at me. 

“Where were you Harry? We were worried sick,” my mum said. I took my coat off and took a seat at the table. 

“I was with Louis,” I told her, telling the truth for once. 

“Let us know next time when you go out,” my dad said. I nodded and went to my room. I had a dream that night, no it wasn’t a dream….it was a nightmare. 

_The night was dark and I was being lead outside. I had handcuffs over my wrists and I wore a orange jumpsuit. Guards lead me out the back door to the swingin’ party. The gallows were spread about, staring hauntingly at me. One of which was occupied. The guards lead me over to the crowd of people who surrounded one of the gallows. I could barely make out their features in the dark and I kept on hoping I was seeing the wrong person. But I wasn’t. I looked to the man’s eyes, they were a shimmering blue that I couldn’t mistake even if I were miles away. His hands were handcuffed behind his back, he kneeled on the ground in front of a bucket. His shaggy hair was long and looked like it hadn’t been washed in ages. The guards brought me into perfect view of the scene. They smirked at me as our eyes locked. Tears sprang from both Louis’ and mine eyes._

 _“I love you,” Louis whispered to me._

 _

“I love you too,” I whispered back. I wanted so badly to run over to him and hug him. But I couldn’t. One of the body guards grasped my arm to insure I couldn’t break loose. I then watched as guards forced Louis to stand on the bucket. The guard then reached to grab the rope. I lunged forward but was shoved back. 

“You can’t do this!” I cried out as tears poured down my face. I kept on thrashing about, trying to break free. Frustrated, one of the guards shoved me to the ground, “There is nothing you can do to stop them.” Hesitantly, I relinquished watching the horror scene unfold in front of me. The guard placed Louis’ head through the rope then took a step back. I was sobbing by now, I rolled onto my side, wrapping my arms around my knees as screams and cries shook my body. In one sudden careless movement the guard like it was something he did everyday kicked the bucket out from under him, making my dear Louis hang in the air, lifeless. 

_When I awoke, my parents and Gemma and her boyfriend were all surrounding me with sympathy on their faces. They looked down at me like I was a wounded animal. I was still shaking from the nightmare and had sweated right through my clothes. I looked around me knowing they wouldn’t have that sympathetic look when they found out who I was in love with. Tears escaped my eyes as I broke out in sobs._

 _

“Oh Harry,” my mum said as she wrapped her arms around me, letting me cry into her shirt, soaking it with tears. The rest of them just stared at me, they had never seen me like this, not since Chloe died. And that was five years ago. 

“It’ll be okay,” she told me as she stroked my hair while I continued to soak her shirt. That only made more tears come considering I knew it wasn’t going to be okay. I went on sobbing for a good ten minutes, when the sobs started slowing down she pulled away a little bit to look me in the eye. 

“What happened, Harry?” she asked with concern. I studied each of their expressions. Gemma’s boyfriend was in utter shock while my dad looked concern and Gemma looked about ready to hug me. 

“C’mon Haz,” Gemma said as she opened up her arms for me. I latched onto her, leaning into her embrace. She ran her fingers through my curls as she kept on saying a calm, “shhh.” We pulled back from the hug and she studied my expression. 

“What was the dream about?” she asked in a soft voice. 

“Ly-lynching,” I said shuddering. All of their eyes softened breaking by just looking at how broken I was. 

“Oh Harry,” Gemma said as she pulled me into another hug. My mum and everyone else joined in on the hug, letting me sob into their shirts. Throughout the day, the images from the dream never went away.

_

_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably one of my favorite chapters I've written, its really deep and sad but the theme is very evident. At the beginning, the darkness is a symbol of the darkness of ones heart, the stars represent the good in the world while the darkness represents the bad. The theme of human nature and fate is brought up in this chapter. The main theme of this novel is the evil and dark side of human nature and that everyone has a dark side to them, everyone has the ability to cause affliction. But, its what people chose to do with their abilities that defines them. This chapter really says a lot about cynical. Cynical means believing the worse in human nature. This chapter spells that out in the lynching dream, Harry is being haunted about losing Louis all because of who he fell in love with. I wrote this story to prove a point, that people shouldn't be punished for who they love. You don't get to chose who you fall in love with, so who are we to judge and punish people for something they didn't chose? 
> 
> This chapter was hard for me to write cause well, hanging is a tough subject for me. My cousin, was married to this guy, Ross a couple years ago. They were in love and got married and had two beautiful daughters. But Ross had some issues, emotional and mental issues. In the August of 2009, Ross and my cousin, Ashley got in a huge argument, Ashley ended up taking her daughters with her to spend the night at a friend's house. Ashley had school the next day, but she was worried so she texted Ross' dad to go check on him. His dad found that Ross had hung himself in their house. It was very hard to comprehend that people are hung for various reasons all over the world and he chose to hang himself. I'm still trying to understand it myself. Do any of you know anyone whose committed suicide?


	20. Chapter XIX: Allegiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“Harry, Harry, Harrrry!” a voice whispered, pulling me awake. I opened my eyes to see Louis by my bedside. It was midnight, what was Louis doing here? I looked around wondering if it was a dream but came to the conclusion that it wasn’t. 

“How’d you get in?” I groaned as I rolled on my side to face Louis. 

“Your window was unlocked.” He seemed surprisingly awake for this time of night. 

“Not to be rude but why are you here?” He chuckled as he pulled me out of my bed, I noticed he still had PJs on. 

“C’mon, just follow me.” He laced our fingers together and drugged me out of my house. His car was not parked outside the house. 

“Did you walk here?” I asked as he pulled me along. 

“Yup.” It was pitch black out but there was a full moon that lit the way to wherever we were going. I soon realised where he was taking me, the beach. Our feet dragged along the sand as he lead me towards the ocean. 

“Why?” I asked. 

“It’s a full moon, Harry,” Louis said exhilarated.The thought that he could possibly be drunk crossed my mind but he wasn’t, this was typical spontaneous Louis. 

“C’mon, we’re going for a swim, Haz.” I stopped walking and just stared at him. 

“Are you crazy, Louis Tomlinson?” I asked, my voice visible in the cold. He chuckled, closing the gap between us. 

“Maybe,” he whispered. He took his jacket off and glanced over to me. 

“Get undressed, we’re going skinny dipping,” he said as he pulled his shirt over his head. Even in the dark I could tell he was fit. I felt suddenly insecure of my body, it wasn’t that I was fat, I just didn’t have a six-pack. Louis placed his hands on my hips, sensing my hesitation. 

“Haz, nothing is going to make me love you any less.” I nodded and without further thought lifted my shirt over my head. We both just stared at each other’s bare chests, this was new territory for us. 

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Styles,” he said then slide off his flannel pj pants. I slid mine off, now shaking from the cold. 

“Don’t be scared,” he said as he closed the space between us once again. His hands went to the rim of my boxers. 

“Trust me, okay?” He then slipped my boxers off. I then did the same to him. 

“See, it’s not so bad.” 

We then ran into the water with our fingers locked together like fools, fools in love. The water hit us like a thousand needles all at once. We swam far out where no one would see us. Where it would be just us and no one else for miles. Once we were far out, I kissed Louis but this kiss was different than the other times, there was more need and desire to it. Our lips worked against each other as our hands explored each other. His hand ran over each of my tattoos. He then moved his lips from mine, kissing each of my tattoos. I felt myself growing harder and harder with each kiss. I had never wanted anyone more in my whole life in that moment. I brought his lips back up to mine, kissing him with so much desire and lust. Our tongues fought for dominance as I made him moan. I lifted him up, letting him wrap his legs around my waist as we continued to kiss. He was surprisingly light. I carried him over to a rock and set him on it. He spun us around, so I was on the rock and started grinding down on me. My hands tugged at his hair as he did so, moaning out incomprehensible words. I pulled away for a mere second. 

“Louis, I-I want you so badly,” I told him, my words slurred. 

“Do what you please,” he whispered in my ear before he bit down on my earlobe. I flipped us back, sitting him on the rock and kissed my way down his body, making sure to kiss every single inch of his flawless flesh. 

“I love you, Lou,” I kept muttering as I did so. When I reached his most vulnerable part, I glanced up for permission. He nodded his head. At first, all I did was touch it, afraid to do anything else. I then started stroking it, he was already hard. 

“Harry,” he said through gritted teeth. I then with an ounce of bravery took his member into my mouth. I knew very well the risk I was taking when I took him into my mouth. I was risking our lives but I wanted to show him how much I loved him. It was more than that though, he already knew how much I loved him, I didn’t want to be innocent no longer. I had never wanted anything so bad. I began to suck, moving in rapid movements. Louis buckled under me, his eyes shooting back with pleasure. His hands grasped my curls, tugging them hard as I fastened the movements. Soon, the apex was met and he was coming inside my mouth. I had never loved anyone so much in that moment. The way the full moon lit his nude body made him look beyond flawless. I pulled back and we both just sat there, trying to catch our breaths. Moments later, Louis did the same to me. It felt exhilarating, like I could taste the stars when I came. It was my very first time doing that with anyone and I was glad it was with him. I walked out of that ocean without a doubt in my mind that I loved that man more than anything or anyone in the world.


	21. Chapter XX: Alacrity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

After that night, Louis and I grew closer, if that was even possible. One afternoon, we decided that we wanted to get to know each others’ friends and for our friends to know each other. So we decided on going on a camping trip, Louis, Zayn, Niall, and I. We told them of the plan and picked out a weekend. Niall was very excited about the idea, he knew that I was very fond of Louis and I think he just wanted a better understanding of why. Plus, Niall loves camping. So, here I was in my basement digging through storage trying to find a sleeping bag. Niall had a tent, and so did Louis, so we figured two to a tent. The storage room was an absolute mess, suitcases, toys, and old clothes all over the place. I walked to the very back of the storage room and spotted the sleeping bags under a bottom shelf. I bent down, studying the four different sleeping bags, determining which one to take when I felt someone slap a hand on my ass. I turned around to see none other than Louis Tomlinson. I raised an eyebrow at him, crossing my arms. 

“You really gave me no choice Styles, with your cute little bum all up in the air,” he justified. I shook my head as I chuckled. 

“So what are you doing in here?” he asked as I turn back around. 

“Getting a sleeping bag.” I grabbed my dad’s sleeping bag since I hadn’t used mine since I was eight, so I would probably not fit it. 

“You know we leave tomorrow morning right?” he questioned. I nodded my head as we headed upstairs. 

“Have you even started packing?” I shook my head as we reached the top of the stairs, opening the door. 

“Well, let’s head to your room so I can help you pack.” We entered the hallway, walking towards my room. 

“Is that the only reason you want to be alone with me in my room?” I sneered in a hushed voice. He was one step behind me, he placed his head right at my ear. 

“I think you already know the answer to that,” he said sending shivers up my spine. I opened the door to my room, Louis closing and locking it behind him. I barely had time to put my sleeping bag down before he pushed me onto the bed, hovering himself over me. We kissed frantically, touching each other in places only lovers do and tugging on each others’ hair. His hands slid up and down my torso as we muttered, ‘I love yous’ to each other. He ground his body down on me as I moved my hands down his back until they reached his bum, where they stopped and squeezed, making Louis make the weirdest yet cutest sound in the world, it was the mix of a moan, groan and yelp. He covered his mouth with his hands as he blushed red, embarrassed at the noise. 

“That was cute, baby,” I told him as I left a soft kiss in his hair. I squeezed his bum again, letting my hand linger there after this time. He held back the noise this time and went back to grinding his body against mine as we kissed with amok, breaking apart only for breath. We were both growing increasingly hard in our pants. 

“Lou, w-we sh-should really st-start packing,” I stammered out. He sighed and gave me one last kiss, this one short and sweet then got off of me. I grabbed the duffle bag that I had gotten from the storage room earlier. Louis opened one of my drawers and picked out a few jumpers. He handed them to me as I folded them up and placed them in the suitcase. 

“So now I need jeans and Pjs,” I started listing off the things I needed as Louis grabbed them for me, having been in my room so much he practically knew where everything was. Once we had all the clothes figured out, Louis went into my bathroom to grab what I would need. Louis came back in and dropped a pile of things on my bed as he took a seat on my bed, leaning against the backboard. I went through the pile, sorting it. I then came across some things Louis had put in the pile on purpose. My smile dropped as I picked up the two items. 

“Lou,” I sighed as I glanced up at him. 

“What?” he asked as he hid a smirk from forming on his lips. I put down the condoms and the bottle of lube and took a seat on the bed beside him. 

“I want to do that with you, hell you know that,” I said mentioning towards my hard on that was still present from the make out session. 

“But, I want our first time to be special, not out in the woods where bears and our friends can hear us. It’s been a while since I’ve you know, and I’ve never done it with a guy, I’m just not ready yet. I need more time.” He nodded with an understanding in his eyes. 

“My first time was with Chloe when I was fifteen, and sure I had it a few times after her death but those were meaningless. It’s just hard for me, y’know.” His blue eyes read into mine as he intertwined our fingers together. 

“You don’t have to sell yourself to me, Haz. I understand.” * * * 

“HARRRRY!!! TIME TO WAKE UP!” a voice shouted in my ear that could be none other than Niall Horan. I groaned as I rolled over, pulling the covers further up. 

“Five more minutes,” I groaned. Niall yanked my blankets out from under me, leaving me shivering. 

“No, Styles. It’s already quarter to nine, you have fifteen minutes before they’ll here,” he informed me. I hesitantly roose from my bed as Niall tossed me the clothes Louis had picked out for me to wear today; a white v-neck with a flannel shirt and black skinny jeans. I threw the clothes on and we went to the kitchen. 

“Morning sleepyhead,” my mum said fondly as she placed a plate of chocolate chip pancakes in the middle of the table. Niall grabbed a plate as he stacked five pancakes onto his plate. 

“Thanks Anne,” he said as he stuffed his mouth full with a pancake. I chuckled as I took three onto my plate. 

“So where are you boys going to?” my mum asked. I cut into my pancakes eating them in an orderly fashion unlike Niall who looked like he was in heaven. 

“Some place Louis used to go camping when he was a kid, its over by the mountains,” I told her. She nodded her head as she started cleaning up the kitchen. There was a knock on the door which meant that Zayn and Louis were here. I rose from my chair and opened the door. Louis and Zayn stood on the other side of the door. 

“Morning Haz,” Louis said as he took a step inside, Zayn following close behind him. Once inside the house, Louis introduced Zayn to Niall. They then joined us for breakfast. 

When we finished eating, we piled our stuff in Louis’ car along with ourselves and headed onto the road. 

"So, has Harry stolen Louis from you too? ‘Cause Louis has for sure stolen Harry from me,” Niall said jeering. Zayn let out a light chuckle. 

“I’ve definitely seen less of him but he seems really happy, so I’m happy for him.” Niall nodded smiling at me. The drive went by quick between the small chatter of getting to know each other and Louis holding my hand where Niall and Zayn couldn’t see. Louis parked the car and we got out our bags, put them on our backs and began hiking. We were at the bottom of one of the smaller mountains. There were a dozen mountains that went on for miles and woods that were on either side of the mountains. Louis led the way while I followed behind him with Zayn at my heel and Niall in the back. We went on walking for hours only stopping for water as we watched the sun start to go down around us. We reached the top of the second mountain just as the sky began to darken. 

“It’s beautiful, ain’t it?” Louis remarked as we all looked out at the darkening sky around us. 

“Yeah, it is,” I said smiling like a child on Halloween. We could see the shadows of the other mountains from up there and hear the bugs and nature around us. Louis slipped his arm around my back, what most people would think of a friendly gesture but I knew otherwise. His eyes searched the shadows with amazement even though he had seen the breathtaking sight before. My eyes gleamed at how happy he was. I caught Niall looking back and forth between the two of us. 

“I guess we should set up camp,” Zayn said as he took off his bag. Louis nodded pulling his arm away from me and pulling his bag off as well. With the four of us, we were able to set up the tents and start a fire quickly. We now all sat around the fire roasting s’mores. Niall and Zayn argued over who made the better s’more while Louis and I fed each other burnt marshmallows. It was getting quite late and Louis and Zayn went to bed inside Louis’ tent. 

“We should probably head to bed too,” I said as I began cleaning up the marshmallows that had dropped on the ground from when Louis and I were feeding each other. 

“You love him, don’t you?” Niall suddenly said. I turned around looking Niall in the eye, he was being 100% serious. I tried to hide my face in denial. 

“Don’t deny it, Haz. I’ve seen the way you look at him and the way he looks at you.” He paused for a moment, waiting for me to look up at him, which I did. 

“Just because its two guys doesn’t make it any less noticeable, H.” I took a seat on the log next to him, staring at the fire. 

“A-are you fine with it?” I dared to ask. He chuckled. 

“Did you not hear me that one night?” I shuddered. 

“I still think it’s a sin, but I also care about you and I know that you are the happiest you have ever been in a long while.” I nodded my head meeting his blue eyes. 

“Be careful though, Haz. I just don’t want to see you end up like Patrick or Liam.” I nodded my head with a bit of relief. 

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” I asked in a quiet scared voice. 

“No, Harry. You know what would happen if I told and that is the last thing I want to see happen to you.” Niall paused for a moment before going on. 

“I may not agree with this decision you’re making by being with him but I still love you like a brother.”


	22. Chapter XXI: Tribute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

Today was the day. The day that I wished to skip over each year. The day that I hated and dreaded most. I would be doing so well and then the day would arrive and all the sorrow of that day would return. Mother nature seemed to agree with that theory seeming so that it seemed to rain every year on this day and this year was no exception. I could hear the rain from my bed where I still lay even though it was already noon. I had no plans of getting out of bed today. I rolled in the bed trying to go back to sleep, hoping to sleep the day away. But regrettably so, once I was up, I was up. So, reluctantly I got out of bed, fished out my grey sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt and threw them on. I headed down the hall, Gemma had found a house and was moving out next week. There were boxes all around the house filled with her things, making the day twice as depressing. I drained out the little energy I had on this day and made some tea then slumped onto a chair staring out at the grey weather with the rain pouring from the sky with a mug in my hand. It had been four years ago today that Chloe was shot. I remember getting that life changing phone call and nearly dropping the phone when I heard she was at the hospital in critical condition. There were thunderstorms that day but nevertheless, I raced out of the house driving to the hospital she was at, running stoplights and going above the speed limit to get there as fast as I could. Nothing could prepare me for what laid before me at the hospital. Chloe’s mum, Diane was sobbing in her dad, Peter’s arms. They uttered the words I was incredulous to hear. I ran to the room they said she was at and there she was. But she wasn’t really there. Her lifeless body was being covered with a body bag and her lifeline was flat. Her flesh was paler than a ghost, her hair laid dead flat on her face and there was a bloody open bullet wound in her chest. That was not the Chloe I knew. I remember sinking to the floor of the ICU and sobbing, screaming for her to come back. But she never came back. 

I wanted to die that day, leave the world with her. It wasn’t like we had only known each other for a few months or only dated for a little while. I had known her my whole life, she lived right next door, on the house opposite of Niall’s. She was my best friend, I had grown up with her, took my first steps with her by my side, went to the carnival for the first time with her when I was five and she was the only girl who didn’t have cooties, baked my first meal with her help when I was eight, watched my first PG-13 movie with her when I was ten, had my first kiss with her when I was twelve, she was the first girl I asked out, and when I was fifteen, she was the first girl I had sex with, she was also the first person I ever loved that wasn’t family, and then at sixteen she became the first person I ever lost, the first funeral I ever went to. I loved her and there was still apart of me that still loves her and there will always be a part of me that will love her. I went through a deep depression after her death, didn’t leave the house for weeks, luckily it was summer so I didn’t miss any school. I would spend almost all my time cooped up in my house, watching the world change around me as I stayed stuck in the past. I didn’t touch a stove for months, ate only a meal a day, and only went outside when Niall or my parents forced me out. I would spend days in bed, not ever leaving it except to go to the bathroom. Months went by and people started getting over her loss but I was still stuck in the past. Before school started back up, her parents sold the house and moved back to England. When school started, I didn’t put any effort into any of my work, which wasn’t usual for me, who was usually a straight A student but those years I only passed because of the teachers sympathy for me. When the depression didn’t go away, my parents started to worry, so they took me to a doctor, who suggested seeing a grief counsellor and taking antidepressants. So I started on a low dose of Cymbalta and went to a counselor once a week. It didn’t help though. And soon it was the one year anniversary and I was still stuck. That was when I was the worse. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I wasn’t even living anymore, just existing. So, that night, I snuck a bottle of wine from the cellar and downed far too many pills down my throat. My parents found me a few hours later and took me to the hospital where they pumped my stomach, bringing me back to life against my will. I was on suicide watch and ended up staying there for a couple weeks learning how to properly grieve. And when I arrived home from the hospital, I started getting better, going outside more, doing better in school, hanging out with Niall more, and eventually started dating again. But I never dared to forget the memories I had with Chloe. I kept them stored away for days like today when I missed her the most. I had told Louis all of this a while back, on the first date. I remember the sympathy in his eyes. He hugged me and told me I was the strongest person he had ever met. 

“You have anything to eat yet?” Gemma asked bringing me back to the present. I wondered how long she had been in the room. I held up my tea and she shook her head with worry. 

“Want me to make you something?” she asked. I shook my head and she sighed. 

“Harry, you have to eat.” I just wanted the day to be over. 

“It’s been four years, Harry. You have to move on, fully.” I didn’t want to though, I didn’t want to act like she had never been in my life, like she hadn’t left a huge impact on my life. 

“I’ll be in my room if you need me, H.” She kissed my hair and left the room. 

I hadn’t gotten a single text from Louis, not that I had expected to, he had work today and he probably didn’t even know today was the day. So, I spent my day reflecting back on memories of Chloe and I as I watched the day fade by. I was rather surprised when I heard a knock on the door after dinner. The rain had stopped now and was replaced with stars and a full moon that lit up the sky. I opened the door to see Louis. He looked at me for a mere second then pulled me into a hug, running his hand up and down my back in a comforting motion. When we pulled back, I saw two lanterns by his feet with a lighter. I crooked my head at him motioned towards the lanterns. He dragged me outside onto the driveway with the two lanterns in his hands. 

“She’s watching over you, you know that right? She’s still here, Haz,” he said softly as he planted his feet in the middle of the driveway, looking up at the sky. 

“She’s up in the stars now with my grandma,” he said pointing up at the stars that shined down at us. We fell silent for a moment. 

“What’s with the lanterns?” I asked. 

“The living send lanterns to the sky to let the dead know that they’ll always remember them.” He grabbed the lanterns and handed me one. 

“It’s time to move on, Haz. That doesn’t mean forgetting what happened nor the memories you two shared together. It means coming to peace with whats happened and accepting that there’s nothing you can do to change what’s happened.” He grabbed the lighter and lit both of the lanterns. 

“To moving on,” he said as he let his lantern float up into the atmosphere. 

“To moving on,” I echoed as I too let go of my lantern, letting go of all my regret and dread, and finally, fully, moving on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based off true events, well that lantern part is, my cousin, Keaton's friend did the whole lantern odeal with him and well I think they got a bromance going on between them or maybe a romance;) Anyway this chapter really throws it all out there what happened in Harry's past. The lantern is a symbol of moving on in this story.


	23. Chapter XXII: Treason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“So, where are we going today, Hazza?” Louis asked me as we drove down a busy road. 

“My primary school,” I told him as I pulled into the parking lot. 

“Why?” he questioned. I picked a parking spot and turned to face him once the car was in park. 

“Cause no one goes to a school in the summer, plus I wanted to show you a part of my childhood.” We got out of the car, the school was completely deserted. I was probably the only person who actually enjoyed school. 

“You liked school that much, Haz?” Louis asked as we walked up the hill. We were currently in the playground. 

“Yeah, I did.” As I stood on the hill, overlooking the playground, memories of my childhood consumed me, Niall and I having competitions on who could roll down the hill the fastest, Chloe and I walking through the Memorial Garden, Ed teaching me how to build a snowman, Chloe and I sharing our first kiss in the Memorial Garden after visiting our old teachers one day. 

“What you thinking about, Haz?” Louis asked as he stepped closer to me. 

“Lots of memories here.” He nodded his head as he wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my cheek causing me to smile. 

“C’mon, let’s go to the playground.” 

With that, he grabbed my hand and raced towards the playground. For that moment, we become innocent little kids again, swinging from each monkey bar, jumping off the swings, seeing who could jump from the highest, having races down the slides. I wanted to stay that way forever, not having a care in the world, having the biggest problem be who stole the cookies. But my innocence is long gone, but its always nice to be a kid again if even just for a moment. 

We walked hand in hand through the Memorial Garden. 

“My school didn’t have one of these,” Louis said as we stopped walking standing in the middle of the garden. It wasn’t really a garden though, the Memorial Garden has a white picket fence around it and inside were bricks that lined a pathway through the garden with names engraved on the bricks, on either side of the pathway were numerous plants and flowers, towards the back was a big tree with a wooden bench around it for little kids to sit on. I glanced down at the bricks and sat down on them. I used my finger to point to one that was in the middle. 

“When she died, they had her name engraved in a brick,” I tell him as I point to a brick with Chloe’s name on it. He sits beside me, pulling me into his lap. He simply comforts me with his soft touch. I sat in his arms for quite some time in a peaceful silence. After a while, we got up and walked out of the garden. We made our way to the building, the school was all brick. Once we reached the building, I pushed Louis up against the brick wall, connecting our lips. He grabbed my hips, grinding our bodies into each other as we continued to kiss. His hands threaded through my curls as he let out soft moans every now and then. Louis pulled back from the kiss and grabbed my hand as we ran into the building. We ran through the dark building hand in hand. We reached a classroom that had been left open. We went into the classroom, locking the door behind us even though no one was there and sucked each other off. 

* * * 

Today was the day that Gemma would move out. I sat in my room, staring out at the cloudy sky. I didn’t want her to move out as selfish as that is. I liked having her here, having her peak into my business and nagging me. I watched from my window as my dad and James brought boxes into the moving truck. How could someone just pack up their whole life into boxes, it didn’t make sense to me. I’ve always hated moving. I remember when I was three, how I watched the movers pack up all my life into boxes as I shed tears in my treehouse. 

“Harry?” Gemma said in a soft voice. She stood at the door. I glanced up at her, sending her a small, fake smile. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Haz,” she said as she joined me in my window seat, wrapping her arms around me. I leaned into her embrace as silence lingered in the room. 

“You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?” she whispered in my ear. I pulled away from her embrace as our eyes locked on each other. I couldn’t deny it, she could read it in my eyes. She nodded her head. 

“You don’t have to lie to us, Haz,” she told me. But I did. I avoided eye contact with her. 

“Gemma,” I said after a moment. Her eyes read into mine. 

“You’ll love me no matter what, right?” I questioned. There were tears in her eyes as well as mine. She rested a hand on my knee. 

“Of course, Haz,” she reassured me. I looked back out the window at the stormy weather. It was the end of an era, I could feel things were going to change. And I had a feeling that they were going to be for the worse. 

“They’re hanging him today,” I said after a moment. 

“What?” I sighed as my eyes met hers. 

“Liam, they’re hanging him today. The kid from my school.” Tears dropped from her eyes and she wiped them away with the sleeve of her jumper. 

“I’m so sorry, Haz.” Her eyes offered sympathy. 

“D-do you think he deserves it?” I dared to ask. She squeezes my knee as she shakes her head, letting tears spring from her eyes. 

“No.” I could tell she was hiding something behind her eyes. I had a feeling that she too, somewhere in her life, kissed a girl. 

“No one deserves to die, Harry,” she told me, her voice hoarse and raspy. I nodded my head. I knew then that I would have at least one person on my side. 

“No one?” I asked. A darkness took over my eyes, some people did deserve to die. Like the guy who killed Chloe. And murderers and rapists deserved to die. But not homosexuals, love should not be a crime. You can not help who you fall in love with. 

“No one.” I pulled her into a hug, knowing it would be the last hug from what would seem to be forever. She patted my back with her hand as I heard the soft sound of her sobs. 

“You loved a girl once, didn’t you?” I whispered in her ear, so quiet only she could hear. More tears fell from her eyes, smearing her makeup. She simply nodded her head. 

“That was a long time ago.” But she knew very well that people of this town didn’t care when it took place, just that it happened in the first place. 

“What was her name?” I asked in a hushed tone. We were still hugging with our chins resting on the other’s shoulder. 

“Macy.” I remembered Macy, she was Gemma’s best friend back in secondary school. They were inseparable, until one day Macy stopped coming over. She pulled back from the hug and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve, only smearing her makeup more. 

“You can’t tell anyone about this,” she told me in a hushed tone. 

“I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of the chapter displays one of the main themes of this novel, loss of innocence. And how innocent little kids are and how we all were once innocent and we'd do anything to have that innocence back, not know about the pain that haunts this world. I bolded a part in the second half of the chapter to really get to you guys that it is significant and is foreshadowing the following chapters. It also brings the theme and idea of karma and whether people get what they deserve.  
> I would like to thank every single one of you who are reading this story, it means the world to me cause this story means a lot to me. I went through something similar to what Harry went through but obviously on a much less extreme scale. Thanks for all the reads, it really is amazing.


	24. Chapter XXIII: Trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

Today is Zayn and Perrie’s wedding. Louis invited me as his ‘date.’ I didn’t even know that Zayn was engaged until Louis told me. Apparently, Zayn and Perrie have been dating three years and are in love. The wedding is at the beach, which is where I’d always wanted to get married. I step into Louis’ car and we drive off. 

“So, do you have any part in the wedding?” I asked him. We were already almost there. 

“I have to give the toast,” he told me. We pulled into the parking lot which is filled. 

“You nervous?” He nodded his head as he parked the car. I glanced over to the ocean remembering the last time we were here and chuckled. 

“What?” Louis asked. 

“Just remembering the last time we were here.” 

He smiled at the memory and we got out of the car. White chairs were lined in rows in the sand, at the end was the altar which was made of wood and had light blue flowers spun around it. A good amount of the seats were already taken up. Louis took me to where his family was in the second row. The music started, I recognized the music right away, it was the instrumental version of Skinny Love by Birdy. Louis placed his hand on my knee, knowing that is the only affection he can show. Louis’ two younger sisters skipped down the aisle with a woven basket in each of their hands, throwing light blue flowers in the sand. They then took a seat by us. Zayn walked down the aisle next with his older brother. Zayn was wearing a black suit and had a blue rose clipped onto his jacket, his tie matched the flower. I could tell the wedding colors were white and blue. He then walked some other guy who I am assuming is Perrie’s friend or brother down the aisle. He then walked the bridesmaids down the aisle. Perrie appeared, her blonde hair was pulled back into a beautiful bun with two pieces of hair hanging out at each side of her face. Her dress was long and white with lace on it, showing off her curves. Zayn smiled brighter than the sun when he saw her. Her dad walked her down the aisle as people gush at how beautiful she was and took pictures. When she reached Zayn, she hugs her dad and then she joins Zayn’s side. They held hands and whispered words I wish I could hear to each other. Louis’ dad was standing behind them with a bible in his hand. 

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the bringing together of these two families and the love that these two have for each other.” He goes on to talk about love and what love really is. 

“Love is something that only happens once in one's lifetime if they’re lucky. Love is when someone is willing to put their needs in front of others, love is when two people get along so well that they could spend forever just talking, but if you love someone it doesn’t mean you don’t fight with them, you fight with them because you love them and you want what’s best for them. Love is about creating that balance between two polar opposites and finding a place to meet in the middle. When you allow it, love can do anything.” 

The ironic thing about his speech was that we all knew very well that he didn’t believe that love could do anything. Cause if it could, I would be the one getting married today, I would be that one trading vows with Louis, trading ‘I Love yous’ in front of a crowd of people who supported our love even though we’re both guys. Love does not conquer all. If it did, Liam would not have been hung from the gallows last week and neither would have the hundred people who have been killed because of whom they love. It didn’t seem fair. But maybe that was how life was. I had learned that at a young age with Chloe’s death. And here I was, being reminded of that and laughing at myself for forgetting that all these years. I would never get married, I realized in that moment. Not with Louis at least, and if I couldn’t get married to him then I didn’t want to get married to anyone. Rather be alone than live a lie. All my life I had dreamed of being the man waiting by the altar watching the one I love walk down the aisle. When I was younger, I thought that one would be Chloe then at sixteen that dream was smashed. And now, it has been smashed again. Louis and I could never get married. Not here, not now, not ever. Things just didn’t work that way. Happy endings don’t always exist. The ceremony ended and the reception started. There was a dance floor set up by the water along with speakers and some chairs and tables were set off to the side. The DJ turned the music up and people were out on the dance floor getting drunk. I watched from afar as sweaty bodies ground together on the dance floor. Couples were all over the floor, dancing like there was no tomorrow. They all looked really happy, or maybe they were all just drunk. The only time I found myself really happy was when I was with Louis. The reality of the cruelness of humanity had hit me, knocking away all my innocence and hope. I didn’t look at the world the same anymore. I no longer thought that there was more love than hate in the world, I no longer believed that the light could outshine the dark, I no longer believed in the good in one’s heart. Yeah, I saw the good in Louis’ heart, a lot of it but I realized that there was bad too. There was bad in all of our hearts. I’d liked to believe that it was just this town, but I knew better than that. I had heard stories of the slavery in America, bombings in Afghanistan, and stoning in Iran. There were oppressions everywhere just on different groups and here it happened to be homosexuals. The sun was completely out of view and the stars were sprawled out across the dark sky. The Earth was beautiful, it was the people on it that weren’t. But, there was still some good in the world. Some people were yet to be corrupt. Gemma and Niall were some of the ones who had stayed uncorrupt all these years. Louis too. Niall had a heart of gold, he lived to make others happy. Gemma lived to comfort the ones she loved. And Louis lived to just simply live. He loved nature and the thrill of living, but at the same time he knew of the darkness of the world and he was careful to walk on eggshells around the darkness. 

I was currently sitting on the sand, digging my feet in it, watching the party. 

“What you still doin’ over here, Haz?” Louis asked me as he took a seat on the sand next to me. I didn’t answer back, I wasn’t sure I was capable of doing so. 

“You should join me on the dance floor, it’s really fun,” he said with a smile on his face. Unlike the rest of the people on the dance floor, Louis wasn’t drunk, at least not on alcohol. When I still didn’t answer back his smile faded as his eyes took on a serious nature. I thought of that one part of the pastor’s speech that talked of how lovers emotions reflect off each other. 

“What’s wrong, Haz?” he asked. I dug my feet into the sand more as I looked out at the ocean. I sat in this very place where I realized my love for Louis. 

“We’re never going to get married, at least not to each other,” I said as I felt a lump in my throat. Louis dug his feet into the sand as well. He nodded his head. 

“B-but I don’t want to marry anyone except you,” I told him as tears sprang from my eyes. 

“Me too, Haz, me too.” We sat there in silence, realizing the reality of this relationship. 

“We don’t need marriage to prove our love to each other,” Louis said after a moment. I picked up sand in my hand. 

“That’s not what this is about, Lou.” I opened up my fingers and let the sand slip back into the earth. 

“Harry, I know this relationship isn’t going to work in the long run. I’ve known that since day one. Our feelings are still real and as long as they are, I am going to do everything I can to make this relationship work.” He placed his hand on my chin, forcing our eyes to meet. “Me too, I just wish that were enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is filled with themes.  
> 1\. American Dream;  
> everyone has that dream of walking down the aisle one day with the one they love waiting for them. Harry realizes that he will never be able to do that, and that his dreams are unattainable.  
> 2\. Loss of Innocence;  
> Harry loses his innocence when he realizes that life isn't fair and he will never achieve his dreams and that he was stupid to think that in the long run him and louis could work. Harry realizes that there is more hate than love in the world and how cruel humanity is.  
> 3\. Does love conquer all?;  
> this novel shows both sides of this and all my books do. weather love does conquer all is debatable in this book. and weather love is strong enough to make everything that is so horribly wrong right. and weather love is really worth it in the end, is love really worth losing the ones you love?  
> 4\. Do happy endings really exist?;  
> This novel goes back and forth with this and whether a happy ending is achievable. in this chapter, however, harry believes that happy endings don't exist because a happy ending would be him marrying louis but he can't do that. he thinks he will never get his happy ending.  
> 5\. Good vs Bad:  
> everyone has a good side to them and everyone has a bad side to them. Harry realizes this, that even his Louis has a bad side to him. Everyone has the opportunity to be evil, but not everyone take that opportunity.  
> Symbols:  
> 1\. the rock where harry realized his love for louis is a symbol of their love and fate.  
> 2\. the sand slipping through harry's fingers is a symbol for how uncontrollable and fragile life can be.


	25. Chapter XXIV: Termination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

Warning: This chapter contains violence, sexual content and homophobia.

It rained that day. It rained that entire day Louis and I were working. It never stopped nor lit up. We could hear thunder and lightening from inside the bakery. Louis and I were making the last batch of cookies of the evening. I put the tray of cookies in the oven. I turned back away to see Louis sitting on the counter. He had on a grey jumper and black skinny jeans and he left his hair down today. I stride over to him and place myself in between his legs as he wraps his arms around my neck, kissing my lips. He traced his tongue around my mouth, asking for entrance which I allowed. He pulled me closer to him as his legs wrapped around me, locking me in. We continued to kiss, my hands running under his shirt, while his latched onto the hair on my neck.

“I love you,” he whispered between kissed.

“I love you too, Lou.”

“You should come over for dinner,” Louis suggested as I locked up the bakery for the night.

“Sure,” I said as I gave a quick peck on the lips. I pulled back and put the hood of my rain coat over my head while Louis shoved a beanie on his head.

“You should wear beanies more often, they look cute on you,” I told him with a smirk as I hopped in shotgun of his car. He started up the car with a smile laid on his lips.

“Note taken.” I chuckled as we drove off into the rain.

On the drive there, Louis tells me of the drama I missed at the wedding. Apparently, some of Zayn’s friends got so drunk they ended up fighting over some older women, who was the mum of one of the bridesmaids. We laughed as he continued to tell me more of the ridiculous gossip. We pulled up to his house. Not a single person was outside, well except for a few kids jumping in the puddles in the road. We got out of the car and headed up to his house. When we opened the door, Louis’ sisters came running over, the twins wrapped themselves around my legs.

“Harry! Harry! We haven’t seen you in forever,” they kept on saying. I chuckled, smiling down at them.

“Louis, is that you?” his mum called.

“Yeah mum, I’m home. Harry’s going to have dinner with us if that’s fine with you,” Louis said as he took off his vans.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” His mum appeared in the hallway seconds later.

“How have you been, Harry?” she asked me with a smile. The twins were prided off my legs and ran off chasing each other. Lottie came down the stairs and smiled when she saw me.

“I’m good,” I said with a smile. Now that I was free, I took off my boots and rain coat.

“Hey, Lottie,” I said as I waved at her.

She blushed and waved back.

“We’re going to be in my room, call us down when dinner is ready,” Louis said as he grabbed my hand, leading me upstairs.

His room was exactly how I remembered it. He went over to his drawers while I laid out on his bed.

“I’m going to change out of these wet clothes,” he said as he grabbed black sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt. He lifted his jumper over his head, revealing his toned torso and small tummy. I noticed something different about him though. He had a bandage on his arm. I jumped up from his bed and stopped him from putting on his sweatshirt.

“Anxious now, are we?” he chuckled. I laid a hand on the bandage and his eyes turned serious.

“What happened?” I asked him. He shook his head and unraveled the bandaged. There was no scar nor bruise nor scrape. But under the bandage was black ink, a tattoo, a tattoo of a bird to match the two on my chest.

“You got a tattoo,” I mustered out as my mouth gaped open. His eyes flickered to mine.

“Yeah, I wasn’t planning on it, I went with Zayn yesterday and I was helping him pick one out and when I saw this, I knew I had to get it.” I traced my fingers over the ink of the bird.

“It’s just like the ones on my chest,” I muttered still in shock. He blushed red.

“Yeah, that’s why I got it. I’ve been thinking about what you said that day while we were at the beach for the first time. How you would like to be a bird ‘cause they can just fly away when things get bad.” I nodded my head remembering that day while still tracing the ink with my fingers.

“I think I’d like to be a bird too,” he admitted. I nodded and then leaned down and planted a single kiss on the inked bird. I then looked up and met his eyes. I wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed his lips. I pulled away and just smiled at him.

“My parents are going to kill me though when they find out,” he says as he puts the sweatshirt on.

“I think they’ll forgive you.” There is a knocking on the door and we both go downstairs.

Everyone is seated at the table except for Mr. Tomlinson. He’s probably working late at the church. The dinner is really good although I have no idea what it is. I keep my hand on Louis’ thigh the entire dinner, moving it up every now and then. The conversation is kept casual as we talk about the wedding and what we’ve been doing the past few weeks. Once dinner is over, Louis and I go back up to his room. Once the door is closed behind us, Louis’ lips are on mine and he is pushing me back onto the bed.

“You’re driving me crazy, Styles,” he says in between heated kisses. He spread his legs out, so that his legs are on either side of me. He grinds his body down on me, not breaking the kiss. My hands run under his shirt and pull it over his head. He grinds down even harder and I grind back, causing both of our hard ons to smash into each other. Louis lifts my jumper over my head and throws it on the floor, he then goes back to kissing my lips as we grind our bodies against each other. We chuckle into each others skin between kisses. We are completely mesmerized with each other, unaware of the world around us.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, LOUIS!” a booming voice yells. We both pull away and look up to be met by the inevitable. Louis’ dad, the fucking pastor is staring at us in disgust. No, disgust would be an understatement. We are both frozen in panic. Our lips are swollen and both of our shirts are off, while are hard ons are still vividly present.

“What the hell is going on?” he yells, the door is still open from which he must have opened while we were kissing. Lottie stands behind her dad, frozen in place as her eyes skim between her dad and us. Louis crawls off me as we both sit up, feeling suddenly vulnerable.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Louis stammers out.

“Then what the hell is it, Louis?” his dad ululates.

“D-dad, I can explain.” His voice is as tiny as a mouse filled with fear. I don’t know what to do, I just want Louis to stop panicking.

“Sir, this was all my fault,” I tell him. His stern look turns to me.

“I don’t want to hear from you!” he shouts. He then shoots daggers at Louis with his eyes. I can tell that Louis is about to crawl up into a ball and cry. His hands and arms are shaking with fear.

“Sir, would you please let me explain,” I tried again in my calmest voice.

“No, I want you to go! Get the hell out of my house, you faggot! Louis will no longer be allowed to see you nor work for you.” I stare at him with hysteria in my eyes. He lunges forward and grabs Louis.

“You’re coming with me.”

He then drags Louis out of the room and down the hall. I remain there, paralyzed by the devolution of events. We both knew someone would find out eventually. In the back of our minds there was always that voice that reminded us of the consequences if we were to get caught. I look up to see Lottie just standing there like a ghost. I stand up numbly and throw on my jumper. I walk down the stairs, there isn’t a sound in the house except a faint scream. Once I am on the main level, I notice Louis’ mum in the kitchen sobbing. The twins are on the floor, puzzled at the whole ordeal. I make my way towards the door but something stops me, an unknown force. I turn to the side and look down the stairs where I can hear screaming and cries coming from. I creep my way down the stairs, walking on my tippy toes, trying to make as little noise as possible. When I am far enough down the stairs to see, I wish I had never gone down. Louis lays on the floor, bleeding all over the place. His dad is yelling at him as he kicks Louis’ gut repeatedly. I make a choice in that moment and run down the stairs.

“Get off of him!” I shout at his dad. Louis glances up at me weakly. His eyes are bruised along with his nose which is bleeding. His dad steps away from Louis and shoves me back against the wall.

“I thought I told you to go!” he yells at me as he clenches my shirt. My eyes glance over to Louis, who is clenching his stomach. He mouths an ‘I love you’. And all of our time together flickers before my eyes. The job interview, our first time at the beach, our frosting war, watching the sun set in the forest, our first kiss in the rain, our first date, dancing to Elvis, skinny dipping, sending the lanterns up to the sky, and moments ago, Louis being torn away from me. I had a revelation in that moment; I was in love with Louis and I would do anything for him. I come back to the present, his dad is no longer hovering over me but is beating Louis again as he yells at me. I stare down at my once fearless Louis. 

“Harry, go,” he says with all the energy he can muster. I turn around and go back up the stairs. I slip my shoes on and grab my rain coat. I look behind me one last time before leaving. The twins are in front of me in their Pjs. Their mum is still sobbing on the table.

“Where are you going Harry?” one of the twins ask.

“Home.” I crouch down to get eye level with them.

“When will you visit us again?” the other asks. They look at me with so much hope and innocence in their eyes.

“I won’t be coming back,” I tell them with a lump in my throat.

I don’t give them a moment to ask why and leave the house. I don’t feel like going home. I’m going to break down once the reality of all this hits me and I can’t do that at home. So I just drive, I don’t know where I’m going but I just keep driving. Tears run down my cheeks as I drive for miles in the storming rain. I drive and drive, trying to comprehend all of this. We were caught. By Pastor Tomlinson. How could we have been so stupid to not lock the door? It was over now, wasn’t it? He was probably going to report us tomorrow and we’ll be going to the gallows. The part that scares me the most is that I wouldn’t mind going to the gallows if it meant I didn’t lose Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rain in the beginning is a symbol of the darkness and bad to come. I really tried to make it apparent how happy and tranquil that day started for the characters and how in the end it becomes the worst day of their lives, the calm before the storm. louis getting a tattoo is very significant, he's letting himself be who he wants to be not what his parents want him to be. The bird symbolizes freedom. the irony when louis says, 'my parents are going to kill me when they find out' and then that night his dad nearly kills him but not for the tattoo. Louis loses his innocence in this chapter, he is the strongest and bravest character in this book and yet, all of that is taken away from him in that moment when his dad is beating him. the main theme of this chapter is sacrifice and risking it all for the one you love. Harry realizes that he would do anything to be with Louis.


	26. Chapter XXV: Tranquility

I eventually stopped driving, and when I did, I found myself at Louis’ grandparents’ house. It was still raining, I ran inside and took off my soaking boots and raincoat. The candles from Louis’ and I first date were still in the house, along with the bean bags. I went searching the house for blankets, I was freezing. I found some in a storage closet and wrapped myself in millions of them as I curled up in a ball in the bean bag. Memories from earlier still ran through my mind, tries fell from my eyes and I began sobbing. I screamed, and yelled, and cried, and cried. There was this aching pain in my chest that wouldn’t go away and was making the whole world spin. I didn’t care what time it was or if I ever made it home, or even if I lived to see tomorrow. I just wanted Louis. Sure enough, when I had cried myself dry, someone opened the door. I stayed in my bean bag, afraid it was a robber. I heard the sound of footsteps and heavy breaths along with sobbing. I got up from my bean bag and walked over to where the noise was coming from. In the hallway, Louis stood soaking wet, with blood stains on his clothes, a black eye and probably a broken nose. He almost looked unrecognizable. He looked so weak, and fragile, and broken. Things that I had never used to describe him before nor thought I would. He looked up and met my eyes, which were red and swollen. I stepped close enough to him to pull him in my arms. I wrapped my arms around him, both of us sobbing into the embrace. We stayed like that for quite a while until I reluctantly pulled away.

“How’d you get here?” I asked him.

“When my dad stopped beating me, he returned upstairs, I waited about fifteen minutes then snuck out and drove my car here.” I nodded my head and he followed me over to my pile of blankets which were on the floor. He sat on the blankets and removed his shirt to examine his wounds. There were bruises starting to form all along his stomach. It looked serious, like he should go to a hospital but we both knew he couldn’t go.

“Is there a first aid kit around here somewhere?” I asked. He shook his head. So I grabbed a cloth and wet it. I then sat on the ground with him and cleaned his wounds. He would hiss or clench his jaw when I reached a sensitive area. When I was finished, I placed the cloth of the floor and pulled him into another hug.

“I’m not going to stop seeing you. I don’t care what he says or does. I love you, Harry and he can’t change that,” Louis told me as he pulled away from the hug but didn’t move any further away from me. It was such a sweet gesture but I cared about him too much.

“Lou, you can’t, he’ll hurt you again if you do,” I told him. He placed a hand on my chin and forced our eyes to meet.

“Harry, he can hurt me all he wants, it won’t make me love you any less. We can’t let him win.” I understood what he was trying to convey in that moment. I realized how strong of a man he was and for that I admired him.

“Can you do something for me, Haz?” Louis asked suddenly, his eyes softening. I nodded my head.

“Anything.” He glanced down, nervous. I placed a hand on his chin but his eyes avoided eye contact.

“Lou, what it is?” His blue eyes met mine.

“Make love to me,” he said in the quietest voice. My green orbs just marveled at his blue.

“You sure?” I asked. He nodded his head.

I connect our lips, starting slow, letting the sparks fly from the kiss. The kiss soon became heated, Louis laid down on the blanket and I crawled on top of him while still kissing him. He removed my shirt tossing it to the side as I removed my lips from his and started sucking on his collarbone. “Harrryyy,” he moaned out as his eyes shut. I smirked when I had left a mark and began kissing each patch of skin, repeating ‘I love you’ after each kiss. I was soon at the belt of his jeans. I looked up for permission even though I knew I already had it. He nodded and I unbuckled his jeans. I then proceeded in pulling down both his boxers and jeans in one fluid motion. I teasingly began stroking his cock. Louis’ eyes shut and he moaned out profanities as he gripped the sheets. “Please Harry, don’t tease,” he said through pants. I released him and removed my own pants. “You don’t happen to have a condom or lobe do you?” I asked him. He shook his head and I turned him on his back. I had never done it with a guy before but I had read up on it a few weeks back after the camping trip. I began kissing his shoulders, then I kissed down his spine as he quivered beneath me. “Okay, Lou I’m going to go in now,” I told him as I lined myself up with him and placed my hands on his hips. I then slowly went inside him. I could tell it hurt him by the way he hissed and bit his tongue. I then began thrusting my body in him in a very slow motion. He gripped the sheets even more as more profanities and ‘I love yous’ left his mouth. Soon he was begging for more and my movement became rapid. I just focused in on his back as I moved in and out of him. The moon shined down on his back so I could see the bruises on it that I didn’t make. With his small body underneath me, I realized how petite he was. He was so small and fragile yet he was the strongest person I’d ever met. Soon he came and I collapsed above him. I planted a kiss in between his shoulder blades then carefully moved myself out of him and laid myself beside him. He turned on his side and rested his head on my chest. I kissed his hair knowing I had never loved anyone more in that moment. He was absolutely beautiful inside and out. He was different and unique and magnificent. And I hoped that one day, I could be as strong as him. He was a true individual. He didn’t copy off of anyone else, if anything people copied off of him. He strives to be himself while people strive to be more like him. He was the one person in the world that wasn’t trying to be a copy of everyone else. He was the only person in the world that hadn’t let the darkness of the world ruin him nor his perspective on the world. I wondered how someone who had faced so much pain could be so strong. I came with the only answer that made sense; he just kept moving. He never once stopped to feel bad for himself or reflect on the bad nor past. He appreciated all that had happened, the good and bad because it had made him into the man he is today. He had been shaped by his mistakes and made an effort to fix them. I decided then that he had to be the one to make it through out of the two of us, not because I wouldn’t want to live without him but because he deserved to live more than I did, because he would find a way to get over this.


	27. Chapter XXVI: Taint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

When I returned home, my parents were furious with me that I didn’t call to tell them where I was. They had bags under their eyes and their hair was a mess.

“Where were you?” my mum asked. I had spent my whole drive here coming up with the perfect lie. “I was at Niall’s and we ended up falling asleep while watching the World Cup, sorry I would of called,” I explained. I honestly just wanted to get to my room so I could be alone.

“Okay, well tell us next time, Harry.” I nodded my head and turned to go upstairs. “Harry, wait, did you forget that today is our golfing day?” my dad said. I did totally forget but who could blame me with all the crap going on right now. The last thing I wanted to do was golf.

“Do we have to go? I’m not feeling good,” I said as I faked cough. My dad didn’t fall for it though and next thing I knew I was getting dressed for golfing. On the drive there, I tried to have as little conversation with him as possible.

“So how are you and that girlfriend of yours?” he asked as he drove the car. I stared out the window at the world passing by around me. Terrible things happen everyday and life just goes on like nothing ever happened.

“We broke up.” It didn’t seem fair that I was able to have a decent conversation with my dad while Louis was getting beat up by his dad. It didn’t seem fair that Louis’ parents knew and mine didn’t. I felt extremely selfish but at the same time I knew they couldn’t find out.

“That’s too bad.”

The sun was shining down on the grass that was green as ever and ocean that shined in the sunlight. It didn’t seem fair of mother nature to be so happy right now when my world as well as Louis’ was crashing down. I had learned that a lot of things weren’t fair. Life in general wasn’t fair. It was always the nicest people that got their hearts broken, the rudest people that were the wealthiest, the smartest people that couldn’t afford college, the dumbest people that got in to uni just by their last name, and the kindest people that got treated like shit.

We made our way to the golf course and I let my dad start the game.

“Who broke up with who?” he asked as he swung his iron.

“It was mutual, we both agreed we weren’t right for each other.” He came back over to me and I apathetically swung my iron, sending the golf ball only a few feet.

“You should have Louis come by for dinner more often, he’s a nice kid.” I nearly choked on air. As far as they would know, Louis would never come by again.

“Louis quit,” I forced myself to say. The words sound foreign coming out of my mouth but I know it must be done.

“What? Why?” My dad looked confused. But so was I, why did this have to happen to Louis of all people? It didn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense, not anymore.

“He got a job as an assistant coach on the secondary school’s football team.” My dad took his turn, not even caring how far the ball went.

“That’s too bad, he’ll still be around though right?” he asked. I shook my head. I took my turn, this time not even hitting the ball. My dad didn’t even seem to notice or if he did, he didn’t care.

“Why?” he asks. And I wish I could know why too. But sometimes life just isn’t fair, and the nicest people get hurt. I stayed silent and he stepped closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, offering support.

“You’ll make up,” he says reassuringly.

“We won’t.” I step away from him swinging at the ball again, this time the ball goes into the pond. My dad just stares at the pond motionless. “

That’s too bad, Harry. You know I’m here for you if you ever want to talk, y’know,” he says as he steps forward taking his turn.

“Do you ever think that maybe there isn’t a happy ending for everyone?” I suddenly ask him as I take a seat on the grass. I pick at pieces of the grass as I stare at the pond.

“Yeah, I do. Not everyone deserves that happy ending.” He takes a seat on the grass next to me.

“But what if someone deserves a happy ending but they don’t get it?” I ask. He sighs and turns his head to look me in the eye.

“Not everything in life is so simple. People don’t always get what they deserve. But sometimes people go through the bad to be shaped into someone different, someone better. Challenges, make us stronger, Harry.” He smiled softly, seeming happy with his answer, I not so much.

“Not all challenges,” I told him. He shook his head, agreeing.

“No, not all challenges.” We sat there in silence for a while, just staring at the pond while listening to the nearby sound of people making holes.

“Would you love me no matter what?” I asked him.

“Of course, Harry,” he said without hesitation.

“Even if I did something that wasn’t legal?” I asked in a quiet voice. His eyes shot to meet mine.

“What are you on about, Harry?” he asked with a serious expression.

“Nothing, I’m just curious.” I sighed and looked up at the sky. There were puffy white clouds in the sky, the kind that made different shapes and animals.

“Would you?” I asked reminding him of the question he had yet to answer. He sighed and leaned back on his hands.

“Honestly, yes I would.” But I knew he wouldn’t. He’d turn on me in the second he found out. We all lie sometimes.

“Have you ever thought of getting out of this town?” I asked him.

“Yeah, all the time,” he admitted.

“And why haven’t you?” His eyes met mine.

“Cause I have a family here, I’ve got a home here, I can’t just pack up my things and leave. I might not always like this place all the time but it’s still my home.”

But this wasn’t home anymore. Not for me. Not for Louis. It never would be home again. We would never feel safe again. Always glancing over our backs, making sure no one was there. We could never be feel safe again. I don’t like this world, no change that, I don’t like most of the people in this world.

I wasn’t able to see Louis until the next week. Work was lonely without him there, I had grown so accustomed to having him there, I forgot what it was like before I knew him. I haven’t been sleeping again. I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep since the incident. Everyday on my walk to work, I glance over my shoulder every second, afraid Mr. Tomlinson or the police will be there. I miss him. I miss having him around all the time. I miss being able to see him in public and texting him late into the night. I miss seeing him interact with his friends and family. I miss having him over, I miss seeing him in my room. I miss his conversations with my dad about the latest football game. Today, Louis and I are finally meeting up. I’m meeting him in the forest soon. My parents have been sending me sympathetic looks every time they see me. They walk on eggshells around me, making sure not to push my buttons and leave me my space. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I get in my car and drive to the forest. It is my first time leaving the house since the incident other than for work. I don’t feel right about seeing him even if I would die if I went another second without him. I just don’t want to risk us getting caught or him getting hurt again. I can’t stand to see him hurt. The pain is unbearable, like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest, like I can’t breath or see a tomorrow.

I arrive at the dirt road and find his car is already there. I walk down the path listening to the birds chirp and wind. I reach the middle of the forest to find Louis sitting on a rock watching fish swim in the pond.

“Hey, stranger,” I say with a smile as I come up behind him. He stands up as a smile evolves on his face. He pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. I lean into his embrace, realizing how much I missed the feel of his arms around me.

“I missed you,” he tells me. Its the longest time we’ve ever gone without seeing each other. When he isn’t around, its like half of me is gone. Like I’m only half whole, like I can’t laugh or smile without him. We are soon making up for the lost time and are making out in the dirty ground by the pond. Before we know it, clothes are removed and we are making love in the middle of the forest. Louis collapses on top of me and rolls onto the grass. I wrap my arms around him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Our forehead touch as we take shaky breaths.

“I wish we didn’t have to sneak around,” he says once he’s caught his breath. He places a curl behind my ear and presses his lips lightly against mine.

“Me too.” We fall silent, listening to the world around us. We can hear fish jump in and out of the pond, birds sing songs and crickets.

“What are we going to do, Lou?” I asked him unable to stand any more silence. His arm rests on my side while mine rests on his hip, my thumb tracing circles on it.

“I don’t know, Haz,” he said in a quiet, soft voice. I didn’t either.

“I wish people could just understand that we love each other just like any man and women.” But that wasn’t the reality of the world. They didn’t understand.

“The world isn’t a wishing-granting factory,” I quoted. Louis chuckled.

“You read too many books.” The thing he didn’t understand was that books were my escape from reality. They were the one place where happy endings existed. If only we could have a happy ending. Louis deserved a happy ending, and I’d like to think that I do too. But happy endings don’t exist in this cruel corrupt world. Fairytales aren’t real.

“What are you thinking about, Harry?” Louis asked as he poked my nose. I let my chest defeat as I let out a sigh.

“The future for us,” I say grimly. He buried his face in the dirt, knowing there would be no future for us. He lifted his head up, his hair covered in dirt. I ruffled up his hair, letting the dirt fall out.

“Let’s not focus on the future, let’s just live in the now.” I nodded my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all should take note of a couple things in this chapter. The tone of this chapter is very different from the past chapters, its no longer happy and romantic but sad and depressing. Also, harry's relationship with his dad, harry is indirecting asking his dad if he would love him if he knew he was gay and his dad tells him he would, hint this will play a big part in upcoming chapters.   
> THEMES:  
> 1\. Fairness and whether life is fair, do people get what they deserve.   
> 2\. Challenges and whether they make us or break us, this story implies that challenges reveal us.   
> 3\. What is home? Harry realizes that home is not a place but within a person, when he is with Louis, he is home.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, reads, and bookmarks. Means the world to me:)


	28. Chapter XXVII: Truth

I didn’t like the sun anymore. It was always shining in your face all happy when you weren’t. It would shine down on all of the darkness making people believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel when sometimes, there is no light, its just an illusion. I don’t like illusions nor suns. I now preferred the rain. It shared my sadness as well as dark view of the world. It was the start of a beginning and sometimes the end of a story. It started lives as well as ended them. I wondered when the rain would take mine. When it would take Louis’. I sat on my window seat in my bedroom, watching the rain pour down on the atmosphere. I hadn’t seen Louis for a week, I hadn’t left the house since. Not even for work. I stopped going the day after I saw Louis again. It was too much a reminder of what was. And what could have been. The rain drenched the plants that my mum had planted with Gemma before she moved out. There were two little boys jumping from puddle to puddle in their rain boots and raincoats. They laughed as water would splash at the other when one jumped. They kicked the water making it fly up, watching as it hit the other boy. I envied them. Their innocence. Their friendship. The way they could be out in broad daylight and not have to worry about getting caught with each other. Lightning streaked across the sky making the boys jump, startled. They exchanged glances and then went back to jumping in the puddles. I turned my head away from the window, looking around my room. On my dresser was a picture of Chloe in a summer dress, her blonde hair curly with my arms wrapped around her waist with the biggest smiles on both of our faces. Next to it was another frame, it was the picture Louis and I took together before seeing Romeo and Juliet. It was the only picture I had of him. I wish I could turn back time so I could of taken more pictures of us, so I would forever have his memory. But I can’t turn back time. 

Next to the pictures was the bear that I won Katy. 

“Save that for someone else,” her voice echoed in my head. But I couldn’t give it to anyone else. I would never be able to give it to Louis. There was a knock at the door. My parents would check in on me from time to time, bring me food which I never touched. 

“Come in,” I shouted. The door opened to reveal Niall, he had on light blue skinny jeans and a sweatshirt with a football team on it. I hadn’t seen him in a while. He smiled at me and took a seat on the window seat. 

“Love sucks, eh,” he said offering a small smile. 

“How’d you know?” I asked. He sighed. 

“You always sit here when you’re sad, and your dad kinda told me about Louis quitting.” He offered a sympathetic smile. 

“He didn’t quit.” My eyes never even neared his. His eyes reminded me too much of Lou. 

“I didn’t think so.” I could see him nod his head out of the corner of my eye. 

“Pastor Tomlinson walked in on Louis and I making out,” I told in a small tremulous voice. He let out a deep sigh and patted my knee in sympathy. 

“What’d he do?” Visions of Mr.Tomlinson beating Louis flashed through my mind making me cringe as tears collected in my eyes. 

“He told me to leave, that I would never be able to see Louis again and then he took Louis to the basement.” I shuddered at the memory. 

“He beat him, Niall. He beat him.” Tears began pouring down my face and sobs escaped my lips. Niall pulled me into his embrace, hugging me. 

“Oh Haz,” he said in a soft tone as he stroked my back. We pulled away from the hug and he just stared at my dismal eyes. 

“It’ll be okay,” he said in a sad voice. 

“No it won’t and you know that!” I sobbed. He reached forward, letting me sob into his sweatshirt. 

“Sydney cheated on me,” he told me after a moment. But he knew that his pain was in no comparison to mine. 

“Sometimes, it just isn’t meant to be, Haz.” I shook my head, letting tears fly off my face. 

“But we love each other, we’re meant to be, I know we are.” He pulled away only a tiny bit to let me look into his eyes. 

“Sometimes, love isn’t enough.” Those were the most true words he had ever said to me. It was the sad, bitter truth. 

“Why?” I asked. He brushed a random curl out of my face. 

“Because that’s not how this world works unfortunately. Everything isn’t as black and white as they seem. Sometimes, things get in the way of love, driving people apart. Everything is very fragile.” I sobbed. I sobbed for Louis, for the innocence I had lost, for the darkness of a man’s heart. Eventually, I cried myself dry. The rain had subsided to a sprinkle and the sun was starting to make its way through the clouds. 

“One day, two guys will be able to hold hands in public without judgement nor legal consequences,” Niall told me. 

“Why can’t that one day be today?” I asked him as I lifted my head from his chest, staring out the window. There was a rainbow in the sky. The two little boys from earlier were pointing at it smiling wide. 

“I don’t know, Harry. I don’t know why bad things seem to happen to the best people. It isn’t fair to you, Haz.” I met his eyes, looking straight into his eyes. 

“It’s not fair to Louis,” I told him. Niall stayed there for a while, not speaking another word. We both just stared out the window. I love Louis. I love him more than anything. I had never felt so passionate towards anyone or anything in my life before. And I desperately wanted things to work out for us. But in the back of my mind, I knew they would never work out for us. We couldn’t go on hiding forever. We’d eventually get caught, be sent to prison and probably hang on the gallows. But I didn’t want to have that fate. I didn’t accept that. But I knew it was the inevitable. I just didn’t want to admit it. 

Niall went home but I remained in that spot, watching the two boys play about. They reminded me of Louis and I, only we didn’t get the chance to meet when we were younger. I wish we did. I wish I had Louis there when I lost Chloe to help me get through it. I wish I had him there with me every step of the way. But either way, we would of ended up here. A girl and a boy were walking down the street, they stopped when they say the rainbow. The girl smiled at it, pointing to it. She had curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. She and the boy both looked to be sixteen. The boy had a baseball cap over his head, he had freckles and red hair under the cap, his eyes were a golden brown. He wrapped his arms around the girl’s waist, kissing her cheek. I envied them. I envied that they could show affection towards each other in public. I envied the smile on both of their lips as well as the old couple that admired them. I envied the way the two boys looked at the couple. I envied the way the sun shined down on them, like it approved of them. I envied their happy ending. I got up abruptly from the window seat, going over towards my dresser. I glanced at both pictures, studying the smile on my face, and the way the other gazed into my eyes. They looked the exact same to me, there was no difference between Louis and I than the couple outside. And I was outraged by that. If there was no difference then why did everyone act like there was. I picked up the carabear. 

“Save that for someone else,” her voice echoed in my head making my head spin. 

“I can’t!” I shouted as I ripped the head off the bear as sobs escaped my lips, tears streaming down my face. I threw the remnants of the bear at the wall and sank to the floor. I buried my head in my hands as sobs shook my whole body. I would never have that happy ending.


	29. Chapter XXVIII: Transparent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

I begged my parents to let me stay home from church. It didn’t work. So here I was in my church suit, trying to hide from pastor Tomlinson in the bathroom of the church. The service hadn’t started yet and if it was up to me, I would stay in here the whole service. It didn’t feel right to be in a church anymore. I’d been thinking about God and religion a lot. I read the entire bible, trying to make sense of everything and finally I came to the conclusion that I didn’t believe in a god. Not anymore. I did some research on different religions and beliefs and how religions were formed. In the end, I found I was atheist. It didn’t make sense to me that there was a god that created a Universe as corrupt as this one. If there was a God the world wouldn’t be this way. People made up religions to give themselves a security about the afterlife and answer the question of how. They wanted something to believe in so they created a God. But I don’t need some invisible guy in the sky to believe in. I don’t need people judging me based off some book written thousands of years ago. I don’t need religion nor a god. I glanced down at my cross necklace my dad got me when I was fourteen, I had never taken it off. It didn’t feel right wearing it anymore. I stood from the toilet as I unhooked the gold chain from my neck. I then lifted the cross over the toilet and dropped it into the bowl. 

“You never were much help to me anyway,” I whispered as I flushed it. 

I joined my parents in the service room. I hid my face behind a bible, trying to look like I was reading it. 

“Harry!” I turned around to see Gemma. I smiled and ran into her arms. It was the first time I’d seen her since she moved out. 

“I missed you, Haz,” she told me. 

“I missed you too.” We pulled apart and she just stared at me, taking in my appearance. I had bags under my eyes from not sleeping in weeks now, my hair was disheveled and greasy, my fingernails were bitten to the bone, my lips were dry and beyond chapped, and the usual gold chain was gone from my neck. 

“You're not wearing your cross,” she said looking into my empty green eyes. My parents turned to me, noticing my bare neck. 

“Yeah, I lost it,” I lied. Her eyes read into me, understanding the un-understandable. Mr.Tomlinson took his place and we all sat down. I couldn’t look at him. And when my eyes dared to creep to his figure, they saw a completely different person than before. What they once saw as pure, powerful, and admirable was now immoral, bastard, and deplorable. His eyes that I once saw of light and happiness, were now dark and unworthy. I concluded that he was illusive. He made people believe that cause he was a pastor he was someone to look up to when he was shameful. He stopped mid sentence when his eyes met mine. He just stared at me as his lips curled up in disgust. People started to turn around to see what he was looking at, they were soon all exchanging glances between the pastor and I. I shot him a smirk and he returned to his bible only to return his gaze to me. 

“We tend to deceive others into thinking we are one thing when we are another. Murders claiming they are fathers, rapists claiming to be the smartest in school, and homosexuals to be the ones who just can’t find love.” His eyes met mine when he spoke the last part. “I did find someone to love,” I whispered to myself. The thing was that he was deceiving them too. He made them believe he was holy and accepting when he abused his own fucking son. We all hide, we hide behind a mask. One that we create on our own. One that shows what we want others to see, not what we ourselves want to see. We do this, to lessen judgment and to feel better about ourselves, to feel part of the crowd, to feel like everyone else. But we cannot hide behind these masks forever. Sooner or later, the mask will fall off or be torn off, exposing our true selves and getting more judgment than we would have in the first place. 

After church, everyone gathered outside for refreshments and to socialize. 

“How you been Haz?” Gemma asked me with a soft smile. 

“I’ve been okay,” I said truthfully. She smiled at me, the sun lighting up her eyes. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing at my church?!?” a voice yelled from behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. Everyone was staring at us as he continued to charge towards me, his face scrunched up in anger. 

“This is a place of worship, I will not let bastards into my church!” he shouted. Behind him appeared the blue eyed boy I had grown to love. 

“What point of never wanting to see you again did you not understand, kid? Did I not make it clear enough for ya?” Louis lowered his head, his eyes a dull, doleful blue. 

“Sir, please calm down, there are guests around,” Niall said in a calm voice as he tried to usher him away only to be pushed out of the way. 

“I will not calm down until that bastard leaves!” He was yelling and pointing right at me. People stepped away from me in disgust. 

“I’ll advise you to leave now, Styles unless you want me to expose your true identity.” 

I locked eyes with Louis, had it would of just been me he would be exposing, I would of stayed my ground. But it wasn’t just me. And I knew that by exposing me, he’d be exposing us. I couldn’t let that happen to Louis. Louis’ eyes read into mine, understanding. I put my paper cup down and walked down the grass hill. I could hear the silence spread as I made my way to the pavement. I looked around seeing people still staring as they whispered to each other. I watched as Louis was dragged by his father to talk to someone. The hot sun was shining down on me in my black church suit. I sank down to the side of the sidewalk, loosening my tie and unbuttoning my jacket. I didn’t even try to hold back the tears that poured down my face. I placed my head in between my legs as I sobbed, letting out muffled screams. I didn’t even care about getting kicked out. It was the realization that at any moment, that man could turn Louis and I in, sending us to the gallows. As much as I hated the people in this world, I didn’t want to die. I had so much life left to live. I didn’t want my life to be cut short by the gallows. 

“Why can’t I just love him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Themes:  
> 1\. Appearance vs Reality: not everyone are who they seem to be, pastor tomlinson for example is not who he displays himself to be. People make themselves appear to be someone that isn't truly them, they put a 'mask' on to display want they want others to see. They do this to save their reputation and sometimes their lives. but in the end, reality will come out and the mask will be ripped off.   
> 2\. Power of Love: so basically at the end of this chapter, harry is saying he would do anything to spend more time with Louis because their love is so powerful, its something he can't live without.   
> Symbols:  
> 1\. harry getting rid of cross necklace = losing hope and faith in god and religion  
> Irony:  
> Basically pastor tomlinson is preaching that people deceive others to hide their true selves and he is the one who is deceiving everyone.


	30. Chapter XXIX: Transpire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“We should probably leave, the store is going to close soon,” I told Louis as I leaned down to give him a kiss. We were in the dressing room at a department store. I had made Louis try on a ridiculously big hat, while he had me try on the biggest, ugliest scarf he could find. 

“Who says we have to leave.” He stepped on top of my boats and used the scarf to pull my face as close to his as possible then connected our lips. His tongue traced the outside of my mouth before entering. He pushed me back up against a wall of the changing room as he deepened the kiss, rolling his hips on mine. 

“Lou, we’re going to get locked in here,” I moaned out. He licked my ear, then whispered into it. 

“Isn’t that the point, Hazza?” I took a step back, he had the most serious face on. 

“No, Lou. We’ll get in trouble.” The lights were dimming down and we could hear noises dwindle. 

“But wouldn’t it be nice to be able to have the whole night to ourselves here, we could play with the toys and try on all the clothes and buy wedding rings.” I sighed knowing that there was no way out of this. All of the lights were turned off and we could hear a door lock. I could see the outline of Louis’ lips curve into a smile. He pulled out his phone, putting the flashlight app on. He crept to the door and opened it, sneaking around the corner. I followed behind him, clumsily falling into things here and there. 

“God, you’re such a klutz, Hazza.” He flicked the light on, and our eyes were burnt from the brightness. Smiles slide onto both of our faces as we observed our surroundings. We were on the second level, where we could see every part of the store from. Clothing racks with every size and color were surrounding us while on the floor there were numerous aisles of toys and a life size princess castle. Louis’ eyes marveled at the beauty of it all. He grabbed my hand as he skipped down the stairs, running towards the castles. He went down on his hands and knees as he crawled into a pink plastic castle. I bunked my head a few times on the plastic but eventually we made it to the balcony of the castle. 

“Oh art thou Harreo, why art thou Harreo,” Louis exclaimed as he threw his hands out in the air. I chuckled as I stole a kiss from him. He sank to the floor, just laying there. 

“Oh art thou Harreo, only a true love’s kiss can save me,” he said as he made a fake coughing sound, pretending to die. I rolled my eyes as I kissed him from my sideways angle. His lips tasted rough and sweet. His hands grasped the material of my shirt, pulling me on top of him. I fixed my position, planting my legs on either side of his hips, pulling his hands over his head as I went back to kissing him. 

“Why are you holding my arms captive?” he asked innocently. I shook my head. 

“Cause if I let your hands loose, you’ll start feeling me, and we can not have sex in a child’s play structure.” Louis frowned at me, a playful one. 

“Why not?” I shot him a serious glare. 

“C’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t had fantasies about us getting the nasty on in a castle.” He began to wiggle his arms free of my hold. 

“No I have not,” I said chuckling. In one sudden movement, he pulled free from me, and flipped positions with me, staggering his hips on top of mine. 

“Well, I have,” he stated as he began sucking on my neck. I gave in letting him fuck me in a child’s play structure, hoping that no one would buy it. * * * 

“I’m going to make you the best s’more you have ever tasted,” I told him as I placed two giant marshmallows on a cane over the fireplace. 

“You do realize that’s a cane right?” Louis asked chuckling. I stood over the fire, leaning over to get the perfect angle. I felt Louis slap my bum with his an oven mitt. I turned around sneering at him. 

“What? You’re bum looks cute in that onesie.” We had to both throw on onesies since our clothes were, well, wet. So now, we both had on christmas onesies. Louis giggled, it was the most cute and precious sound my ears had ever witnessed. 

“Oh no you didn’t.” He smacked my bum again, giving me a smug look. I turned around the cane still in my hand. 

“I’m going to get you for that, Tomlinson,” I sneered. He stood up from his chair and began running around as I chased him with the cane still in my hand. We ran around the entire store chasing each other, laughing at how much fun we were having, letting the seriousness of our love slip away. And for a moment, we were innocent little kids again, like the day at the school. 

“GOTCHA!” I shouted as I jumped out, wrapping my arms around Louis’ waist. He turned around, still in my hold. 

“What’s my punishment?” he asked with big eyes. I shoved the cane with the marshmallows in his face. He latched his mouth onto the side of the cane with the marshmallows on it and began sucking it, moving it in and out of his mouth. I jokingly hit him in the arm. 

“You pervert!” I chuckled. He finished eating the marshmallows and used the cane to pull me to him. 

“I love you, Harry Styles,” he told me as his arms wrapped around my neck, mine resting on his hips. 

“And I love you, Louis Tomlinson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really any major themes or symbols in this chapter, it's basically a break from all the drama kinda like a whole chapter of comic relief.


	31. Chapter XXX: Temerity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

It wasn’t raining today. But it wasn’t sunny either. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, neither was there a sun. The sky was a grey color that made you think rain was on the way but it never came. It was windy but the hot kind of wind that made you dread going outside. It was the kind of day, you spent in the air conditioning, not even going outside to get the mail. But I went outside that day. My parents were working full time at the bakery now that I refused to work there and Louis had ‘quit’. I decided it was time to see Gemma and catch up. I saw her at church but we never really got to talk. I got in my car, cranking the air conditioning as high as possible and drove to a local diner. I pulled up to the diner, seeing Gemma’s car in the parking lot. The heat was so unbearable, there wasn’t a single person outside. Everyone would dart from air conditioned building to building with their shorts, hats, and sunglasses on. I entered the diner, spotting Gemma in a booth near the back. I recognized a couple people from church in the diner, who gave me weird looks. I slid into the booth and took my sunglasses off. 

“Sure is hot out today,” Gemma remarked. I nodded my head, looking at all the people that surrounded us with their ears wide open. 

“Can we talk somewhere else?” I whispered to her. She nodded her head and we darted from the diner. Once outside, we both went to my car. 

“Do you wanna just go back to the house?” I asked her. She nodded her head as I began to drive. I tapped my hands on the steering wheels as my nerves built up inside of me. I was nervous to tell her about Louis and I. But I had to, the truth was going to come out soon and I’d rather she hear it from me first. I parked the car and we walked inside. 

“Mum told me that you haven’t worked at the bakery for a couple weeks now,” Gemma said as she took a seat on the couch. I took a seat on the other side of the couch and looked into her green eyes that resembled mine. 

“Yeah, I haven’t been out of the house much,” I admitted. She sent me a concerned glance. 

“What’s been going on, Harry? What was pastor Tomlinson talking about?” Her eyes showed she was only curious because she cared about me. 

“Remember the day you moved out? How you told me you loved a girl once?” I said in a quiet voice. She nodded her head. I took a deep breath. 

“I love Louis, Gemma. I love him.” Her mouth gaped open as she covered her mouth with her hand. 

“And he loves me too, we’ve been seeing each other in secret for a while. I wasn’t planning on telling you, or anybody for that matter until a couple of weeks ago.” My hands began to sweat as I tried to focus on picking lint off my shorts. 

“I went over to Louis’ house one day after we finished up at the bakery, I stayed for dinner. Then after, we went to Louis’ room where we made out. Pastor Tomlinson walked in on us.” I paused before going on shuddering at the memory. 

“He was so angry, he looked at us like we were criminals, like we had murdered his mother. He yelled and yelled at both of us, telling Louis that he could never see me again nor work at the bakery anymore. He then told me to leave as he dragged Louis to the basement. But I didn’t leave. I followed them into the basement. He beat him up, Gem. He punched him, and kicked him and hit him again and again.” Tears had gathered in Gemma’s eyes, her hand was still over her mouth as tears began to pull down her face. 

“Oh Harry,” was all she could say as she pulled me into her embrace. We both sobbed into each others arms. I wasn’t exactly sure why she was crying but then it clicked, she had loved a girl too, but she never got caught. The realization that her little brother got caught and not her was overwhelming to her. The what if scenarios filled her head along with the it should have been me scenarios. We pulled away from the hug after a few moments. 

“I still see him, just in places no one can see us. The thing is, Gem, I’m not scared of them finding out who I am, I’m scared for Louis. I don’t care what people think of me, but if, if Louis is sent to the gallows because of me…” Tears poured down my face without permission. Gemma’s eyes read into mine, understanding. 

“You’re so much braver than I ever was, Harry.” She smiled softly as she placed one of my curls behind my ear. 

“Do you want to hear some good news?” she asked, trying to cheer me up. I nodded my head. 

“James purposed,” she said with a small smile as she showed me her diamond ring. I smiled and hugged her again. 

“I’m so happy for you,” I told her. We pulled back from the hug, wiping away the tears with our hands. Seeing at how happy she was, reminded that sometimes, in rare occasions, there are happy endings. Sometimes, the good people fall in love with someone who deserves their love. That there is good in this horrible world. That their infinity would be bigger than our infinity. As selfish as it is, I wished the roles were reversed. But she deserved that happy ending. Gemma left not too long after. After she left, I got in my car with a cardboard box in the back and drove off. I pulled into the familiar dirt road and parked the car. The scent of the forest I had grown to love consumed me. I smiled remembering the first time Louis and I kissed, as well as the blow job he gave me by the pond. I grabbed the box and carried it through the forest until I reached the pond. I sat down on the dirt and opened the box. I lifted out the items inside the box and put them in numerous places all over the forest. Now anyone who entered the forest, would know our little secret. I had put a copy of the only photo of Louis and I together in a tree. I put the ticket from the Coldplay concert in a smaller tree that looked like the ones that were chopped down around christmas time. I hung the necklace Louis gave me on a tree and put the carabear on a rock. Lastly, I put my copy of Romeo and Juliet sticking out of a bush. 

When I had emptied the box, I went out to the field far out just beyond the trees from Hogwarts. I lied myself in the tall grass and just stared up at the cloudless sky, smiling. All the memories of Louis and I ran through my mind as I watched birds fly in the sky. The world could sure be cruel at times, hell at times it made you feel like leaving it, like ending the pain for good. But the world could also be amazing at times, it could be beautiful and magical. In the midst of this mess, I had forgotten that. I had focused on the bad instead of the good. The good was right in front of me. And even though, I knew the good wouldn’t stay forever, it was enough just to have it. You cannot have the good without the bad. In all bad there is good and in all good there is bad. In the dark there is lightness, in the light there is darkness. I forgot to thank the world for giving me the good. For giving me Louis. Rethinking things now, made me realized that I wouldn’t change a single thing about Louis and I, not even his dad finding out. Cause you know what, having his dad find out brought out this incredible strength in me that I didn’t even know I had. It made me not take things for granted, it made me realize how incredibly strong Louis is. How even in the darkest hours, he managed to smile and not a fake smile. How even when his own dad turned on him, he still managed to see the good in the world. And that itself showed how selfless he was, how undeniably beautiful he was. And I was incredibly lucky to be able to call him mine. I wanted to shout it from the tallest building with the loudest microphone that he was mine cause I didn’t give a damn what people said or claimed. Because, I love him and that is all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter focuses on Gemma's and Harry's relationship. Put yourself in Gemma's shoes for a second, her younger got caught for a crime that she got away with. She feels guilt and the it should of been me scenarios are scrolling through her head. Also there is major character development with Harry in this chapter. The past few chapters, Harry's been focusing on the bad in the world, saying that happy endings don't exist, that everyone will become corrupt. And here, he is realizing that sometimes happy endings do exist, sometimes the good people get what they deserve, and as horrible as his future might be, he's happy for Gemma, that she gets that happy ending that he will never have. And at the same time, he wishes it were him that could have that happy ending. At the end of the chapter, Harry realizes that he did get a happy ending, he fell in love, he experienced what its like to love someone so much you would risk your life for them, to truly be happy.


	32. Chapter XXXI: Endearing

“Can I look now?” Louis asked as I stopped walking. I had my hands over his eyes as I lead him through the forest. 

“Yeah,” I said as I took a step back, removing my hands. His eyes marveled as he took in his surroundings of the items placed throughout the forest and lights streamed through the branches. He smiled wide, his eyes sparkling, looking like the ocean when the sun shined down on it. 

“It’s beautiful Harry,” he said as he walked through the forest looking at each item. 

“I love you Louis, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me. You’ve changed me, in the best way, you taught me how to live again, Lou. You taught me how to love again when I thought I never would. You’ve made me realize that there is good in this horrible world. That sometimes, there are happy endings, even if they don’t look like a happy ending.” Louis just stared at me, his eyes reading into mine as I held both of his hands. 

“If I died today, that'd be okay cause I would die knowing what it feels like to truly, truly love and be loved back. And I cannot thank you enough for that.” Louis smiled as he leaned on his tippy toes to kiss my lips. The kiss was short and sweet but filled with love. We then continued walking through the forest walking hand in hand as I showed him each of the items. I couldn’t stop thinking about Louis and how I’d come to love this beautiful, brave, man-child of a human being. And to have him love me back. It was one thing to fall in love. But it was another to have that person fall in love with you too. It was hard to comprehend the love between Louis and I because it was so strong, so strong that we could feel its invisible force but yet people called our love fake, or a sin. If this was a sin then I’d commit it everyday for the rest of my life. This was what it felt like to fall in love past a point of no return, to be so in love, you’d risk anything and everything for that person. 

Louis and I reached the cliff where we sat down on the grass and watched the sun set. I played with Louis’ hair as he sat in between my legs. His hair was getting long, it was to the bottom of his neck now. 

“We won’t be able to keep hiding like this forever,” Louis stated. I nodded my head. 

“We’re only postponing the inevitable,” he said in a sad voice. I moved my hands from his hair and laced our fingers together. 

“If it means getting to spend more time with you, I’ll postpone it as long as I can,” I told him as my eyes met the sinking sun. The sky was fading from a blue to a light purple. It reminded me that even the sun falls down at times, but somehow, it raises back up each day. And when it did fall down, it was beautiful and magnificent. When we fall down, it hurts like hell sometimes but eventually we get back up. And you know what? The more times you get knocked down, the more it shapes you into the person you become. It turns out that the strongest people are the ones who have been knocked down the most. Pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it. Learn to cope, to move on. Learn to use it to the best of your abilities. Learning from your mistakes and not making them a second time cause you learned the first time. That was the beauty of the world that no matter how many times you fall down, you always, always find a way to get back up. No matter how hard it seems. 

The next day, I went to the church with Niall. Niall asked me to go with him. He’s getting this major surgery on his knee and he’s scared that something may go wrong. The church was completely empty when we arrived, there wasn’t a single pin drop of sound. 

“Do you want me to wait outside or..” I asked him as I looked around the church. 

“No, stay in here but not like here…” he seemed nervous, like he hadn’t done this many times before. 

“I’ll just be over there, you’ll be just fine,” I said offering a smile. I went over to where the confession booth was. I had never been in one before and for some reason, I went into it. I could hear the guy enter it on the other side. I couldn’t see him though, there was a black curtain up. I didn’t even know what I was doing in there. But surely enough, my voice began to speak without my acknowledgement. 

“I um, I’ve never really been in one of these before so I’m not exactly sure how they work. So I guess I’ll start with this, I’ve fallen in love again. But this time is different from the last. This time, my emotions are a billion times more powerful than the last. I didn’t think that I would experience this feeling ever again after I lost my girlfriend. But I have and its amazing. Its made me see the world in a whole new perspective. Its made me believe in things like love again. But its not that easy. Cause not everyone looks at things the way I do. They don’t understand it. They won’t even listen to my explanation and just go straight to calling me a faggot. Confessionist, I’ve fallen in love with a boy.” I could hear a gasp on the other side but I kept on going. 

“But I have the same feelings for him that y’all have when you love a girl. I was always taught that homosexuality was wrong growing up but now that I’ve come to see the other side of things, I don’t think that way anymore. Its not any different. But then again, they send you to the gallows if you have sex with someone of the same gender, what do they call it? Oh yeah, solemnly, but you know what, having sex with a man is not like having sex with a animal. Its still a fucking human being. I’m sure you think I’m a freak who should be hung on the gallows but guess what? I don’t give a fuck what you people say about me, if you all are too ignorant to see that this love I have for him is real then fuck you for not practicing what you preach. If God loves all his children then I’m pretty sure gay flies under all children. But no, being gay is wrong so wrong you people send us straight to the gallows, and for what? For falling in love! You can’t help who you fall in love with, you don’t choose who you fall for, you just fall. And you know what, I’m proud of who I am. I’ve accepted it, and I’m not scared of people like you anymore. So I guess you won’t be seeing me here again and not because I’m scared you will report me, cause I don’t believe in a god that would send someone to hell for love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly love this chapter.  
>  Okay so themes for first half of chapter:  
> \- Challenges in life make us stronger  
> -When one falls down, you must get back up no matter how many times you have to do so  
> \- Love is worth fighting for and it conquers all.   
> \- Pain never goes away, you just learn how to live with it
> 
> Second part of the chapter really focuses on religious beliefs and how religion contradicts itself. How in the bible it says god loves all but yet homosexuals are not considered under all. Harry is furious at the fact that people are getting punished and killed for falling in love when one does not get to choose who they fall for. He's questioning the Bible and the god everyone worships.


	33. Chapter XXXII: Extirpate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you listen to Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World while reading this!

My dad insisted we go golfing for the second time this month. They had just finished building a new part of the course so he wanted to check it out.  


“Do you think you’ll ever come back to work?” my dad asked. I hadn’t thought about it much to be honest. But I knew I probably didn’t have a lot of days left and I wasn’t going to waste them in the bakery.  


“No.” His eyes saddened turning a darker color. I was going to miss him. I was going to miss the way he looked at me like I was the best thing in his life. I was going to miss the way his lips curled up in a smile everytime he was proud of me. I was going to miss how he smelled of the morning dew and lunch meat. I was going to miss his green eyes that reminded me so much of my own. I was going to miss the way we could talk about anything and everything. He won’t look at me the same once he finds out. He won’t speak to me the same. His lips won’t curl up into that proud smile. I’m not sure I could handle that. He’s my father, I don’t want him to want to be anything less.  


“You have to go back sooner or later, Har,” he said as he turned to me, putting down his iron. I sighed, he didn’t seem to understand that there may not be a later.  


“What’s been going on Harry? You haven’t been yourself. Is it the breakup with Louisa? Is it that Louis quit?” His eyes peered into mine desperately wishing to understand my pain. I sighed as I let myself sink to the grass. He sank down beside me, not taking his eyes off of me.  


“Can you promise me something?” I asked.  


“Anything.” Tears were forming in his eyes as he read into the pain I had been holding back.  


“Promise me that no matter what happens, that you’ll always love me, no matter what I do.” His eyes held my gaze as he nodded his head.  


“Harry, there is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you. You’re my son, always will be no matter how old you get or what happens.” I nodded my head and pulled him into a hug. I prayed to the world that he would keep his promise.  


It was the first round of September celebrations that next week. Louis and I made plans to watch fireworks that night. I have always loved the September celebrations which consisted of two holidays just eleven days apart where we celebrated our country. Everyone would wear our country’s colors; royal blue and white. There are carnivals, parades, house parties, fireworks going on everyday for the whole two weeks. I got dressed in my royal blue hoodie and black skinny jeans. I heard the doorbell ring which was strange since I had told Louis to meet me there to avoid questioning by my parents and his parents finding out. I ran downstairs, racing to the door but my dad got there first opening the door to see Louis. He had on a white and blue tank top and black jeans. He had one of those ridiculous headbands on that light up and had ‘INDEPENDANCE DAY’ spelled on it in big letters that were blue and white. My dad’s expression went from shock to happiness as his lips curled up in a smile.  


“Nice to see you again, Louis.” He stepped away from the door to let me take his place and sent me a smile.  


“I thought we were meeting up there?” I asked in a hushed voice. His lips formed a smile as his eyes lit up the instant he saw my face.  


“I wanted to surprise you,” he smirked. My cheeks blushed an embarrassing side of red. I could feel my parents’ stare on me but I didn’t bother to turn around.  


“Nice headband,” I chuckled as the obnoxious thing continued to shine different colors.  


“I got you one too,” he said as his smile doubled in size. Sure enough, he pulled out the same obnoxious headband out of a plastic bag. He brushed my curls away from my face then placed the headband on my head. The lights from my headband were shining onto his face and had we had no audience I would of snugged him right there and then.  


The car ride was really short and soon enough I was able to figure out where we were headed, the beach. We went to a side of the beach that I had never been before. There was no sand by the water but there was a giant grassy hill that overlooked the ocean. The hill was completely deserted. Louis laid out a blanket for us to sit on then got out another one to keep us warm, it was rather cold that night. He then got out a box of store bought frosted blue and white sugar cookies.  


“You sure went all out,” I commented as I sat on the blanket and grabbed a cookie.  


“How could I not? I almost love this holiday as much as Christmas.” He grabbed a cookie and bit into it. The sun was long gone and a beautiful, bright full moon replaced its place.  


“That was pretty risky coming to my house,” I said after a moment. We could hear a band playing in the distance, probably down at the main part of the beach. I recognized the band to be Jimmy Eat World.  


“I know, I probably shouldn’t of done it but I hate this, I hate hiding our relationship and I don’t know, I just wanted to not worry about hiding it for one moment.” I nodded my head, understanding him completely. The fireworks began and we grew silent as we listened to the music as the fireworks went off.  


_“There's no one in town I know  
_

_You gave us some place to go.  
_

_I never said thank you for that.  
_

_I thought I might get one more chance.”  
_

Each one was a different color and shape than the last, lighting up the sky in a different way than the one before.  


_“What would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
_

_I never said thank you for that,  
_

_now I'll never have a chance.”  
_

My focus left the fireworks and shifted to Louis.  


_“May angels lead you in.  
_

_Hear you me my friends.  
_

_On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
_

_May angels lead you in.”  
_

He held a studious gaze, watching the fireworks contently.  


_“And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time.  
_

_A song for a heart so big, god wouldn't let it live.”  
_

The lights from the fireworks lit up Louis’ face, making his blue orbs dazzle in the night light.  


_“May angels lead you in.  
_

_Hear you me my friends.  
_

_On sleepless roads the sleepless go.”  
_

He was captivated by the changing show of fireworks as he wore a smile on his face.  


_“May angels lead you in. May angels lead you in.”  
_

I knew I would do anything for that man in that moment.  


_“Hear you me my friends.On sleepless roads the sleepless go.”  
_

Anything to get to spend another moment with him.  


_“May angels lead you in.”  
_

Anything to get more time with the incredible human being he was.  


_“May angels lead you in.”_

 

I got home late that night but both my parents were still up, sitting at the dinner table. I went over and sat at the dinner table with my family. My parents exchanged glances then shifted their gaze to me.  


“What happened at church on Sunday? What was Pastor Tomlinson talking about?”my mum asked. I set down my fork.  


“I-I don’t know.” They looked at me incredulously.  


“Harry, you know you can tell us anything,” my mum said sweetly.  


“Can I?” I questioned as my eyes met hers. Her eyes softened.  


“Of course, Har. Nothing you tell us will make us stop loving you.” I let out a chuckle, a bitter humorless chuckle.  


“Really, Mum? If Liam was your son, would you love him?” I asked. She looked taken aback as silence strayed between us.  


“Why would you say that?” she asked quizzically.  


“Just answer the question.” Her eyes shot down to the floor, refusing to meet my gaze.  


“You wouldn’t, would you?” I said as my eyes glared at hers. She still didn’t look up.  


“You wouldn’t love me anymore or look at me the same, would you?” I pressed. My dad dropped his fork and glared at me.  


“Why does it matter Harry? Its not like you’re gay!” He shouted across the table at me.  


“And what if I was? What would you do?” We were both standing from the table, staring at each other infurtad.  


“What are you saying, Harry?” my mum asked in a small voice.  


“Nothing, I’m not saying anything.” My dad crooked his head as he stared at me.  


“A-are implying that you’re gay?” he asked me looking me straight in the eye. I chuckled and put on my mask.  


“What? No, why would you even think that?” I asked making them incredulous to me being gay.  


“Then why’d you bring it up?” My dad asked, his voice softening.  


“Liam was a friend of mine back in school and I don’t know, I was just curious what you guys would do if he was your kid.” They nodded their heads buying the lie. They stayed quiet for a moment as my dad took his seat.  


“So what would you do?” I pressed on.  


“What would we do if what?” my mum asked.  


“What would you do if Liam was your son?” My eyes glanced back and forth between the both of them, trying to find any evidence of their true emotions.  


My dad chuckled, “No son of mine would turn out gay.” It was a stab in the chest.  


“But what if he was, would you still love him?” I asked in a tremulous voice.  


“Let me ask you this Harry, would you still love your son if he was a murderer?” my dad asked with a straight face.  


“No.” I bit my lip, afraid of where this was going.  


“Then there’s your answer.” Tears threatened to escape my eyes.  


“So you wouldn’t love him anymore?” I looked at both of them and they nodded. I coughed to force back a sob.  


“Well, I’m going to go to bed, night.”  


I went to my room as fast as I could, feeling the tears making their way down my cheeks and the sobs making their way up my throat. I slammed my door shut as tears poured down my face. I broke down in sobs as my dad’s words echoed in my head.  


_“Harry, there is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you. You’re my son, always will be no matter how old you get or what happens.”  
_

I grabbed a photo of my dad and I at a golfing tournament. We both had smiles on our faces and held our irons.  


_“Would you love me no matter what?” I asked him. “Of course, Harry,” he said without hesitation. “Even if I did something that wasn’t legal?” I asked in a quiet voice. His eyes shot to meet mine. “What are you on about, Harry?” he asked with a serious expression. “Nothing, I’m just curious.” I sighed and looked up at the sky. There were puffy white clouds in the sky, the kind that made different shapes and animals. “Would you?” I asked reminding him of the question he had yet to answer. He sighed and leaned back on his hands. “Honestly, yes I would.”  
_

Tears dropped on the frame. He lied to me. I picked up the photo and threw it at the wall. He will never love me for who I really am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so sorry I didn't update for like two weeks, I was out of town. Anyway, this chapter really focuses on Harry's relationship with his parents and how much he loves them and cares what they think of him. And his dad tells him he'll love him no matter what, just like most parents do but in the end when asks him if he would love him if he was gay he said he wouldn't. The main theme in this chapter is betrayal, betrayal by your own family, realizing the your family will not ever love you for who you are.


	34. Chapter XXXIII: Euphoria

There was a knock on the door early that morning. I wasn’t expecting Louis until later, and Niall was getting his knee surgery today, so I had no idea who it could be. I opened the door to see Zayn. I hadn’t seen him since his wedding. 

“Hey, Zayn,” I said offering a smile. I wasn’t expecting him. We weren’t exactly friends, sure we got along but we didn’t hang out just the two of us. 

“Can you talk?” he asked as he stepped inside anyway. 

“Sure,” I said as I watched him slip his shoes off. He took a seat on the couch as I sat next to him. He didn't say anything for a while, just picked at his nails as he stared at the carpet. 

“So,” I said making him look me in the eye. His hair was a wreck, like he didn’t even attempt to style it let alone brush it and his eyes were dull and had bags under them. 

“I haven’t seen you at Louis’ in a while and wasn’t sure if you knew what was going on with him,” he stated. He seems nervous. I urged him to go on. 

“He’s been avoiding me, not answering my calls or texts, only talking to me in one word sentences. And well, about every night I hear screaming coming from his house, its always the same two voices, his and his dad’s. Sometimes theres more than just shouting like things breaking, sometimes it sounds like someone is getting beat up,” he shuddered as he told me this. I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair. 

“Louis told me about how him and his dad have been fighting a lot lately, mostly verbal but sometimes physical. He never told me what they were about. I’m worried about him too.” I placed my hand on his shoulder for comfort. I sugarcoated things but I couldn’t let another person find out about us. 

“You should go over to his, talk to him about this. He could use his best friend right now.” He nodded his head and got up. 

“Thanks,” he said as he offers a smile. 

* * * 

The sun was just starting to go down. Music played loud through the speakers. Groups of teenagers, old married couples, as well as young couples were all over the carnival and then there was Louis and I. We could hear the teenagers lively screams from the rides. I wanted so desperately to hold his hand as we walked around the carnival but I couldn’t. I had a camera slung around my neck, I had decided I was going to get as many pictures with Louis as I could with what little time we had left together. We took pictures while waiting in line for rides, with the sign for the carnival, with some of the venders, and on top of a elephant. We rode every single ride we could fit on, including the bear affair. In between rides, we played every single game there, trying to see who could win the other the most...Louis won. As our final ride, we went on the ferris wheel. It was so late that we were the only people on the ferris wheel. I held Louis’ hand as it began to move. We watched as the world moved around us, the distance between us and the stars lessening each second. I could feel Louis tense up as we got closer to the top. 

“I love ferris wheels,” I said as we neared the top. 

“Uh, I don’t really like them,” he said as he shut his eyes to avoid looking at the long distance we were from the ground. 

“Right, you’re afraid of heights...well, let me change that.” I closed the space between us as I placed my hand on his cheek, and pressed his lips against mine. I used my other hand to take a picture of us as we kissed. 

“See its not so bad,” I said. He nodded his head as he went in for another kiss. 

“I love you, Haz.” If I could stop time and pick one moment to relive the rest of my life, I would pick that very moment. It was perfect, like it came straight out of a fairytale. But it didn’t, it came with the most imperfect couple in the most imperfect world. And that’s what made it all the more meaningful. That even in a world this cruel, you could still experience a moment of pure beauty and tranquility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short, I'll post the next chapter if y'all can get me to 20 comments, that's only 6 more than what i have. Give me feedback on what you think of the story, how you think book one is going to end, who your favorite character is, just anything.


	35. Chapter XXXIV: Exquisite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ:  
> In December I will be releasing a new fan fiction called Somewhere in Neverland, its a Luke Hemmings and Ashton Irwin au. So keep your eye out for that, I'll put the story description up soon. Now, I am not the best at making covers, so I'm going to have a cover contest for my new Lashton story, its a high school au. All you have to do is make cover for my new story and make sure it includes the title, Somewhere in Neverland, which pairing it is (Lashton), and my username. Then send it either to my email which is maddy.hemmings@yahoo.com or tweet me the cover @AReasonToBelieb  
> Winner will get promotion from me for the rest of the year and I will follow and read your stories and I will love you.

The night sky was dark with only the stars to light it up. The waves of the ocean hit against the shore over and over again. The tide was strong tonight. The stars shined down on Louis, making his features pop in the dark. His blue orbs shined as they watched the ocean. His hair wiped back in the wind and he did nothing to try and fix it. His nose crinkled at the smell of salt water. A smile hung over his face, his teeth whiter than the full moon. He had a light stubble growing on his chin from not shaving in a week. His eyes moved from the water to me. We both knew how much this beach meant to us. Where we really got to know each other. Where I figured out that I was indeed in love with Louis. Where in the deep water of the ocean, Louis and I had our first sexual encounter. It was our place. Our Jerusalem. I watched as he reached his arm out and took my hand into his. We were both completely nude, our clothes laying up on the hill. 

“Ready?” Louis asked. 

“Ready.” We ran into the freezing cold salt water and didn’t even cringe at the sudden temperature change. We had gotten used to it. We had fallen in love with it. Louis grabbed me from behind, wrapping his arms around my waist and raised me up in the air. I chuckled as he did so. He let me back down and we swam deeper into the water. 

I stopped swimming and looked up at the stars. Noticing how they made the shape of a bird. 

_“Is that why you have two birds tattooed on your chest?” he asks. I look down, suddenly remembering the tattoos._

 __“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to fly like them.” He giggles as he pokes one of the birds on my chest.__

 _ __“I’m kinda scared of heights so I don’t think I would like flying,” Louis admits.___

 _ _ __“Really?” I was surprised by that.____

 _ _ _ __“Yeah, why’d you seem so surprised?” he asks as he raises an eyebrow._____

 _ _ _ _ __“I just never thought you were afraid of anything.” Louis looks out at the birds and then glanced at me.______

 _ _ _ _ _ __“Everybody’s afraid of something.” I smiled at the memory._______

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _“C’mon Harry!” Louis called. I swam after him. It seemed like so long ago since that day. I had changed so much since then, we both had. And I’d like to think that we’ve change for the better. We’ve seen a different part of the world that we didn’t see before. We had totally different perspectives of the world now. Louis ran his fingers through my wet hair, pushing the curls away from my eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the very rock I sat on while I figured out I was in love with Louis._______

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_I had an epiphany, I, Harry Styles, was in love with another man. Something that is frowned upon here to put it lightly. But I am so in love. I have fallen head over heels into oblivion. It’s inevitable that we won’t end up together, we’re not meant to be, we’re star crossed lovers that will never be. Not because our love is not true, cause it sure as hell is. But because of society and how homosexuality is outlawed here. So outlawed that ‘sodomy’ as they refer to gay sex as is punished by death. But I love him dearly._

 _That night changed my life forever, it was the day I stopped denying my feelings for Louis and accepted them. If it weren’t for that realization, I would be living a very different life. And despite the views of society and all that has gone wrong ‘cause of my love for this man, I wouldn’t change a single thing. We would not have the good without the bad. There are only stars in the darkest of nights. Things in this world are anything but perfect but there isn’t a single thing or moment I would take back. I cherish every single memory I have, the heartwarming ones as well as the heart wrenching ones. Each one holds a special place in my heart. When I’m with Louis, I feel invincible, like I can take on the world. With just a single look in the eye, I know how much Louis loves me. He looks at me like I am the best thing that’s happened to him. His eyes are my favorite feature about him. I could get lost in them for hours. There are endless layers to them and no matter how many times I’ve seen them, they never fail to amaze me._

 _

_“C’mon, we’re going for a swim, Haz.” I stopped walking and just stared at him._

 __“Are you crazy, Louis Tomlinson?” I asked, my voice visible in the cold. He chuckled, closing the gap between us.__

 _ __“Maybe,” he whispered. He took his jacket off and glanced over to me.___

 _ _ __“Get undressed, we’re going skinny dipping,” he said as he pulled his shirt over his head. Even in the dark I could tell he was fit. I felt suddenly insecure of my body, it wasn’t that I was fat, I just didn’t have a six-pack. Louis placed his hands on my hips, sensing my hesitation.____

 _ _ _ __“Haz, nothing is going to make me love you any less.” Louis picked me up in one sudden movement, I wrap my legs around his waist. He spun us around as we both laughed until we fell straight into the water. When I looked up, I saw the very rock Louis sat on when I sucked him off for the first time._____

 _ _ _ _ __I knew very well the risk I was taking when I took him into my mouth. I was risking our lives but I wanted to show him how much I loved him. It was more than that though, he already knew how much I loved him, I didn’t want to be innocent no longer. I had never wanted anything so bad. I began to suck, moving in rapid movements. Louis buckled under me, his eyes shooting back with pleasure. He hands grasped my curls, tugging them hard as I fastened the movements. Soon, the apex was met and he was coming inside my mouth. I had never loved anyone so much in that moment. The way the full moon lit his nude body made him look beyond flawless. I pulled back and we both just sat there, trying to catch our breaths. Louis put me back down and I went on his back, piggy-back style. Louis stood up and I sat on his shoulders.______

 _ _ _ _ _ __“I’ve just never met anyone like you,” I tell him. His eyes pour into mine._______

 _ _ _ _ _ _ __“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” I chuckle as a smile appears on my face.________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __“A very good thing.” I looked around, I could almost see the shore from there. “Stand up,” he says. “but I’ll fall.” My eyes survey my surroundings. “You won’t, trust me.” I traced my fingers over the ink of the bird. “It’s just like the ones on my chest,” I muttered still in shock. He blushed red. Carefully, I placed one foot on his shoulder. I used his head to steady me. I then put my other foot on his shoulder and stood up. I could see everything from there. Everything looked so beautiful. I could see where Louis tickled me to the ground the first day he brought me here. I could see the abandoned ice cream stand where I almost kissed Louis. I could see the very rock I sat on when I realized my feelings for Louis._________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __“Yeah, that’s why I got it. I’ve been thinking about what you said that day while we were at the beach for the first time. How you would like to be a bird ‘cause they can just fly away when things get bad.” I nodded my head remembering that day while still tracing the ink with my fingers.__________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __“I think I’d like to be a bird too.” “Open your arms.” I did as told, letting my arms open, feeling the wind blow against me. “It’s like flying, Louis.” A smile then took upon both Louis’ and mine faces. “I’m flying.”___________

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter really just reflects back on some of the most important moments of the story. It really just gives y'all insight into how their lives and their views have changed. There are only six chapters left of book one, (remember this is a 3part series). The sequel is called Elation and will be released beginning of 2015. WARNING the next chapter has lots of drama and may or may not make you cry, I cried writing it so watch out for that! I probably won't be on again until after thanksgiving, so happy thanksgiving and please leave comments on your thoughts.


	36. Chapter XXXV: Expedient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

It poured rain that entire day. It never lit up once. There was thunder that shook the whole house and lightening that blasted the trees. And today just happened to be the day my family had planned their get together, they invited Gemma and James over as well as Niall and his family. We had planned on having a barbecue and a bonfire, roasting s’mores later. That obviously wasn’t happening now but they all still showed up. At least we could still watch the World Cup finals. Niall came through the door with his parents on his crutches. 

“Hey, how was the surgery?” I asked him as I gave him a light hug. 

“It went really well,” he said with a smile. 

“Sure is ugly out there,” he commented. I nodded my head. They joined us in the family room where my family was sitting on couches watching the World Cup. Niall sat down beside me on the couch by Gemma and James, the parents sitting on the other couch. 

“Heard you got engaged, Gem,” Niall said to Gemma with a smile. She smiled and nodded her head. 

“Congratulations, you deserve it.” The parents wasted no time to start talking and filling each other in on their children's lives. 

“We should play some games,” I suggested that wanting my parents not to be discussing the details of my life with everyone. 

“Yeah, we should play pictionary!” Niall exclaimed getting excited. 

“Okay, let’s do kids vs adults,” my mum said as she grabbed the huge dry erase board she used to put the week’s activities on. We played the game for a few hours which ended in the kids winning. After the game, Niall and I went to my room. 

“Does it hurt?” I asked referring to his knee. 

“No, not really.” I sat on my bed while he examined my room, as if he were determined to find what I had changed about it since the last time he was here. 

“You seem good, take it things with Louis are good?” Niall asked as he picked up one of the stuffed animals Louis won me at the carnival. 

“Yeah, they’re really good. We’ve been seeing each other a lot more.” Niall sat down next to me on my bed. 

“Can I ask you something?” I nodded my head. 

“What makes Louis so special? Why is he the one?” A smile appeared on my face as the reasons started collecting in my head. 

“He’s different, from anyone else I’ve met. He’s daring and fearless yet at the same time he’s afraid of heights. He’s so strong, he’s been through hell yet he doesn’t take anything for granted. He goes through everyday as if it is his last. He wears his emotions on his sleeve. He’s smart, he just doesn’t like to admit it. On the outside he seems so picture perfect like his life is perfect but it isn’t and neither is he but somehow to me that makes him all the more magnificent. Whenever I’m with him, I feel like together we can do anything, like we can take on the world, I feel infinite when I’m with him. And when I’m without him, it feels like half of me is gone, like I’m not whole without him, like half of me is missing. When we’re together, it feels like everything is right in this cruel messed up world.” Niall smiled, a smile that showed his now straight teeth from having braces for a few years. 

“I’m really happy for you Haz,” he told me as he patted my back. 

“You deserve to be happy, and to be with that someone who makes you happy.” 

We all cramped around the table for dinner, which was pizza we ordered from the place down the street. There were five different conversations going on at once, everyone talking over each other and laughing. And even though the day was rainy, the day itself was bright, full of happiness and light. 

“So, have you two come up with any wedding plans yet?” Niall’s mum asked. 

“Actually, we were thinking of getting married by the ocean in the spring, and well, I want Harry to be the best man,” Gemma said smiling at me. A smile had never left my face that entire day. I felt at home with them, they were my family, not all had been blood related but they were still family. 

“I’d be more than happy to be the best man at your wedding,” I told her. A loud burst of thunder pounded throughout the house as I noticed light outside in the darkness. Moments later there was a knock at the door. 

“More company!” my mum said as she got up. Everyone’s eyes followed her to the door. Everything around me went on mute as she opened the door. My ears couldn’t hear a single thing as two policemen entered the house. My mum held a shock and scared expression. I could hear them say some words to her which she stared at them in disbelief. Gemma and Niall both glanced at me then watched as the police entered the kitchen. You couldn’t hear a pin drop in that house at that moment. Every single person wore a scared expression, scared someone had gotten hurt or killed. None of them were expecting what happened next. My mum moved closer to the kitchen watching in horror. The police made their way over to me. They looked to be in their early thirties in their black and grey uniforms. They stopped when they reached my chair, I let out a long breath and stood from my chair. 

“Harry Styles, you are under arrest for Sodomy. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.” They clipped the handcuffs on my hands and lead me out of the kitchen. I looked back to see Niall’s parents staring at me in shock and disgust. James just sat there shocked out of his mind. Gemma had tears falling down her cheeks as she buried her face into Niall’s chest who had red eyes from blinking back the tears. My own father looked at me like he didn’t know who I was, like he despised me. I looked back to where they were leading me out of my own house. My mum was frantic, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“You must have the wrong guy, please stop! There’s no way my son did this!” she cried out to the police. 

They lead me out of the house and when I looked back, my mum was on the floor sobbing repeating over and over again, “he didn’t do it.” The door was shut and I wasn’t sure if I would ever see any of them again. The police car was parked out front by the lawn. The rain was still pouring down, the lights on the police car lit up the night. The two little boys from down the street stopped playing in the puddles and just stared at me like I was some monster. 

I was pushed into the back of the police car and they took their driving seats. I looked out the window to see my mum out on the lawn in the pouring rain sobbing as she shouted things frantically. Gemma held her, letting her cry into her arms. Niall watched with sad eyes as the car drove off, tears began making their way down his face. I may never see them again and if I do, it won’t be the same. They won’t look at me the same ever again. They won’t talk to me the same or make jokes with me. They won’t smile at me fondly or have that look in their eyes that lets me know that they love me. They won’t do any of that. I sat back in my seat. So this was it. The beginning of the end. Life would never be the same. I would be lucky if I got out of that prison. I would probably be the next one to join the swinging party. But I didn’t want it all to end. I didn’t want this to be my last day in civilization. I didn’t want this to be the last time I saw Niall or my family. I didn’t want this to be the last time I rode in a car. I didn’t want this to be the last time I played a game. I didn’t want this to be the last time I saw rain or heard thunder. I didn’t want this to be the last time I ate dinner. I didn’t want this to be the last time I saw the home I grew up in. I didn’t want this to be the last time I smiled. I didn’t want this to be the last time I was happy. I didn’t want it all too end. It couldn’t end yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yeah this chapter is full of symbols, themes and emotion.  
> It's raining throughout the entire chapter, rain is a symbol of beginnings and ends, which is exactly what is chapter is, the beginning of the end. In the beginning of the chapter, I make it very evident that the day held such promise and happiness. And for most for the day, everything is calm and normal, the calm before the storm if you will call it. There's a lot of mentions of the future and what could have been. Gemma asks Harry to be her best man which makes the police taking Harry away all the more emotional because he won't be able to be her best man. There's major betrayal for Harry in this chapter, his own dad can't even look him in the eye while his mother is incredulous to believe Harry did what he did. His parents who always told him they would accept him and be there for him no matter what, can't even look at him the same anymore. The little boys at the end are a symbol of society as a whole, how when we see someone get arrested whether we know why or not, we judge them and look at them as if they're monster when we don't even know their story.


	37. Chapter XXXVI: Enigma

The police lead me to the local prison and all the way to the back where the prisoners waiting to go to trial were kept. It was very dark inside the prison, all the lights were very dim and there wasn’t a single window in the entire building. I thought I would be the youngest person there but I wasn’t. There were two boys in the back that were separated by a metal wall, they looked to be in their late teens, and still had baby faces. There were more males than females. I had always pictured that walking in a prison would be like walking in hell, and in a way it was, and there were definitely some people there who looked like they could be the devil with that dark look in their eyes that let you know they killed people for a living. But some people in there looked like everyday people, like they had come straight from work or uni. Some looked scared, shaking with fright as they didn’t move from the corner of the cell. Others lurked out at the bars, watching the new comers, desperately waiting for the day they got out. I was able to confirm that not all of the corrupt souls go to prison, some are still out lurking the civilized world. 

The guard opened up an empty cell across from the two young boys. I looked at the very last cell, the one next to mine. Inside was a boy a little older than I was with brown hair that went just past his neck and blue eyes of an angel. Louis. It was Louis. But at the same time it wasn’t. His eyes were dull and spiritless, like someone had stripped him of his livelihood. He wore the all too famous orange jumpsuit that everyone in that prison had on. He sat on his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest with red puffy eyes and disheveled hair. His eyes locked on mine and the dimmest light appeared in them. 

“Hazza,” he whispered as a smile ghosted over his lips. 

“Lou.” They put me in my cell and locked it. There was a metal wall between Louis and I so we couldn’t see each other yet we could hear each other. 

“I’m sorry Louis, I’m sorry I got us into this mess. I’m sorry they caught us. I’m sorry we weren’t careful enough. I’m sorry you ended up here, you don’t belong here with these criminals.” Tears were streaming down my face, I leaned against the wall that separated me from my lover as I went on. 

“I’m sorry I fell in love with you.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see the two young boys across from me staring at us. 

“Don’t for a second be sorry for that, Haz. You know as well as me that we can’t control our feelings and we do not belong here for that. There’s not a single thing we could have done to change this outcome. And there’s not a single thing I would want to change, Haz.” He was distraught and hurt and in a world of despair but yet he still somehow remained strong. 

I slept on the floor that night, pressed up against the wall that separated Louis and I, listening to the sound of him breathing that let me know that he too slept against that wall. 

“Harry Styles, you have a visitor,” the guard told me early the next morning as he opened my jail cell and lead me to the visiting room. The room looked just like in the movies and television shows. There were chairs set up by a long table with phones hung on the bullet proof glass and on the other side was more chairs and phones. There were about three other people in the room. I was lead to my seat where I saw Gemma on the other side. Her hair was a disheveled mess that she threw up in a bun, she had on sweats and no makeup. Her eyes were red and swollen probably from yesterday. A small smile took upon her face when she saw me. We both grabbed the phones. 

“God, Har. I’m so sorry this happened. You shouldn’t be in there Har. You don’t belong with those people, you’re not a criminal or an evil spirit. You’re just a boy,” tears ran down her cheeks as she placed her hand on the glass. 

“You’re just a boy who fell in love. No one should go to jail for that. God, Harry it sh-.” I cut her off before she could continue, knowing what she was going to say next. 

“Don’t you dare say it should be you in here instead of me,” I told her, looking into her green orbs that looked so colorless, insipid, so indecisive. She broke out in sobs as she spoke up. 

“But it should be, Har. I did the same exact thing as you did but somehow I got away with it and you, my little Hazza ended up there when it should be me.” I shook my head desperately wanting to wipe away her tears. 

“Gem, you can’t burden yourself with this. You deserve to be happy, go on with your life,” I told her. She shook her head, tears flinging from her eyes as she did so. 

“And you don’t?” I bit down on my lip, drawing blood. 

“Gem, I’m not coming out of here, you and I both know that. And I’m not going to let you spend the rest of your life buried in guilt and depression. Go out there and get married somewhere extravagant, ask Niall be your best man, and don’t you even for a second wish that I be there with you, cause you know that I will be there just not in person. I will be with you every step of the way, you just won’t see me. I love you Gem, and I’m giving you permission to forget about me.” Tears fell from both of her eyes. 

“You’ll always be my little Hazza,” she whispered as she placed her hand on the glass. I lined my hand up with hers on the glass. Waterfalls escaping both of our eyes as our eyes met for what might be the last time. 

“And you’ll always be my Gemma.” 

* * * 

Both Louis and I met with the attorney later that day. It was the only time we were allowed to be together. We were lead into a small dimly lit room with a single table and three chairs set up. There was a man who looked to be in his late forties with dark brown hair that was turning grey, hazel eyes that lit up the room and wore a suit. He had a briefcase on the table with some papers on top of it. 

“Hello gentlemen, I’ll be your attorney. You can call me Dan.” He smiled a small smile. “So you two have been charged with Sodomy which is punished with the death penalty. Have either of you boys thought about if you want to declare guilty or not?” He folded his hands as he looked between the two of us. 

“I was planning on declaring guilty, I know I’ll get sent to the gallows for it but I’m not going to deny that I didn’t do it,” Louis told him as he sat up straighter. 

“Okay, Harry what about you?” Dan’s eyes locked on mine, trying to read my mind. 

“I th-think I’ll do the same.” I needed to talk to Dan alone for what I really wanted to do. 

“Well, I’m going to talk to you both separately to get a better idea of where you’re heads at. So Louis if you could just stand out in the hall.” Louis got up and shut the door behind him. 

“Is-is there anyway that one of us could get away with non death penalties?” I asked him. He pondered on it for a moment, looking through his papers. 

“There is, if one of you declare that it was rape the other could get off with therapy sessions, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here..” I ran a hand through my hair nervously. 

“Listen, Dan, I love Louis, I really do. I understand that may be hard for you to believe considering we’re both boys but I can ensure you I am 100% in love with that man and I’d do anything for him. Even put my life on the line.” Dan look puzzled. 

“Harry, I’m not exactly sure where you’re going with this.” 

“Have you ever been in love, Dan?” I asked him. He nodded his head still not seeing where I was going. 

“Have you ever been so in love that you would do anything for them?” He nodded his head once more. 

“Then please understand that when I say I raped Louis, you are going to make them believe me because even though I may not have raped him, I love him too much to be the reason why he loses his life so young.” Dan shook his head as he twisted his wedding ring around his finger. 

“I don’t believe either of you two belong on the gallows, and it won’t be easy but I will try as hard as I can to keep Louis alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so we are down to the last five chapters of book one! let me know your thoughts on how the story is developing or will happen next. the two boys mentioned in the chapter are Luke Hemmings and Ashton Irwin, they will have major roles in the sequel. some really big things happen in this chapter. You really see the relationship between Gemma and Harry, how harry wants whats best for his sister even if it means forgetting him. And then you see this new side of harry, he is so in love with louis that he can't let him be the reason he goes to the gallows, he can't stand the thought of being the reason why he dies. he would rather louis live and he die than they both die together.   
> okay so themes!  
> \- all our lives we are taught that all the bad people are locked away in jail and will never be able to hurt us because they are locked. but in the first paragraph it suggests that all the bad guys are in jail, some of them are still out roaming the streets. this goes both ways, not every one in jail is a monster.  
> \- tragedy can destroy us, break all hope and all we've worked so hard to become. we see this with Louis, he's always has had so much hope but now that hope has been stripped away.   
> \- love conquers all  
> \- we would do anything for the ones we love


	38. Chapter XXXVII: Enmity

“You two got caught with sodomy, didn’t you?” one of the younger boys asked from the jail cell across from me. 

“Yeah,” I said. He had blonde hair and pale, pale skin with light blue eyes and a lip ring. 

“We got caught too, I’m Luke,” he introduced himself. 

“And I’m Ashton,” the other younger boy said. He had curly dirty blonde almost brunette hair that was more tame and shorter than mine with hazel eyes that shined in the darkness. 

“I’m Harry, how old are you two?” I asked. 

“I’m eighteen and he’s twenty,” Luke said. Louis was in the visiting room, Lottie came here to visit him. 

“You love him, don’t you?” Ashton said suddenly. 

“Yeah, I do,” I said as a smile ghosted my lips. 

“It’s not fair that they lock us up like this, like we’re animals. We don’t belong in here. When did homosexuals become as bad as murderers? What the hell did we do to deserve this? We’re just barely adults, we don’t deserve to die so young,” the boy with the hazel eyes told me with tears in his sparkling orbs. 

“Ash, it’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out,” Luke told him as he pressed himself up against the wall that separated the two boys from each other. 

“No, it’s going to be okay and you know that, Luke! We’re going to the fucking gallows for christ’s sake!” He slid down the wall, so his back was pressed against it. 

“Life isn’t always fair. People don’t always get what they deserve. You just gotta make the best of what you got,” I explained to the broken boy. He looked so fragile at that moment. Tears had started falling down his cheeks. I could tell it shattered Luke’s heart to ‘see’ Ashton this way and not be able to do a thing about it. 

“How do you make the fuckin’ best of this? The love your life is going to the gallows and you’re the reason for it.” He was enraged but not at me, at the world, at what ill fate he had. 

“No, he’s not. I am going to the gallows, not him. He’s going to get away with this. I won’t stand to be the reason he dies so young, I’d do anything for him, even if it means having to lie to the entire court.” He looked up at me from his position. 

“And what if it doesn’t work out? What if they don’t believe it? What will you do then?” he dared to ask the question I didn’t dare think about. I sighed as I sank to the floor, tears forming in my eyes. 

“I don’t know.” He nodded his head, tears flinging everywhere. 

“Now you see my dilemma. I love you, Luke. And it’s real sweet of you to want to die with me b-but I can’t take your life away from you. I just can’t let you do that. You deserve to grow up, you can’t even drink yet, you have so much more life to experience. And I can’t be the reason that you won’t experience those things. And don’t you dare give me that heaven crap cause you and me both know that if there is a heaven, we are both going to hell. We won’t be together in whatever is beyond this world, I don’t want to go to heaven or hell or anywhere without you there but at the same time I don’t want to take you away from this world. I’m sorry Luke. I’m so sorry.” Ashton began to sob and everyone in that prison could feel Luke’s heart shatter. 

“Ash, you can’t blame yourself for this, for any of it. We can’t control that we fell in love, that we were able to look beyond each others genders. And you know what, I wouldn’t want to live a day without you, so you’re going, so am I. I love you, Ash and there are things in life that we can’t control. If it were up to me, we would not be here right now, but I can’t control the fact that I fell in love with you and I can’t control the fact that no one is this ignorant world understands that. And I can’t control that I can’t see myself living without you. I can’t control the fact that I don’t want to be anywhere near you when we’re sent to the gallows ‘cause just the thought of watching you die breaks me inside.” Luke finished his soliloquy and kicked the wall. 

“These goddamn walls!” he shouted. I wiped away the tears that had fallen during his speech. 

“H-have you guys gone to trial yet?” I asked them. 

“No, we actually were brought here a day before you two. Our trial date is set for next week.” I realized then that I couldn’t lie to the court, it might as well had been Louis saying those things. I had to find some other way. 

“Harry, you have visitors.” It was now probably past noon but I had no way of telling time. Louis had returned a few hours ago. I was led out of my cell and followed the guard to the visiting room. On the other side of that wall were both my parents. If the guard hadn’t been holding onto my arm I would of bolted. My mum had bags under her eyes and her hair was a disheveled mess, she wore little makeup. My dad looked just like he did on any other day but the proud look he normally had in his eyes when he saw me was gone and replaced with this distant look of disgust, like he had no idea of who I was. I sat down in that chair and with tremulous fingers grabbed the phone. My mum was the one to grab the phone first. 

“We’re going to get you out of here, Har. These allegations are ridiculous, they have no proof, no evidence. They can’t do this to you. You didn’t do this.” Tears were streaming down her face as she went on repeating that I didn’t do this. 

It broke my heart when I said the next words, “But mum, I did do it.” She nearly dropped the phone as she shook her head frantically in disbelief. 

“But this doesn’t make sense, you loved Chloe and you dated Louisa.” I shook my head. 

“There was no Louisa mum.” Her hands began shaking as tears streamed down my face. My dad couldn’t even look me in the eye. He looked at me, like I was a murderer. 

“Mum, dad, please just let me explain,” I said. Neither of them spoke. “I love Louis, I’m in love with him. His gender doesn’t change anything, it’s just like any other love.” I was cut off by my dad. 

“You don’t love him, Harry. You can’t.” 

“But I do, remember that time you told about what it feels like to fall in love. Everything that you told me, all of those feelings have happened with Louis. If I could, I would spend every second with him. I know every little thing about him like how when he’s nervous he taps his hands and how when he’s scared, his pupils get huge and his eyes go from this light blue to a darker one. When I’m with him, I feel like we can take on anything, like we’re invincible. Every single thing about him I admire, from his music taste to how he’s scared of heights. When he’s sad, I’m sad, when he’s happy, I’m the happiest guy in the world. And it is going to kill me to see him in the gallows. Our love is just like mum and you, dad.” My dad shook his head in disgust. 

“Your ‘love’ is nothing like your mum’s and mine! You deserve to die on those gallows.” Every single memory I had with my dad came rushing to me all at once. 

“Y-you promised me you’d never stop loving me,” I choked out as I began sobbing. 

“And you promised me that you’d never love a man. Guess we both broke our promises.” They left but I didn’t dare watch them leave. I moved the phone from my ear. 

_“I just don’t want you to end up alone.”_ I stared at the place they just were. 

_“Would you love me no matter what?” I asked him._

_“Of course, Harry,” he said without hesitation._ I took the phone and threw it at the bulletproof glass. 

_“Harry, there is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you. You’re my son, always will be no matter how old you get or what happens.”_

Tears streamed down my face. 

“You lied,” I whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter focuses on the theme of betrayal, all children just want to be accepted and loved by their parents and for 20some years harry had just that but now, they can't even look at him the same, the same people who used to change his diapers, and give him advice, and walk him to school, and tell him they would be there for him through anything.


	39. Chapter XXXVIII: Ephemeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

“We were declared guilty,” Luke told me as Louis and I were heading to get changed for the trial. 

“I’m so sorry, we’re going to get out of here, I promise.” We were guided to a small room to change. 

“What did Lottie say when she visited?” I asked as I unzipped my jumpsuit. Louis pulled out his tux and hung it up. 

“She fell in love, Har. With a girl.” I froze in place and searched his eyes. They weren’t what they used to be. They used to hold so much hope and spirit but now they were so broken. I pulled him into my embrace, letting him sob into the god awful jumpsuit that I hated. I had only seen him cry once before and it broke my heart to see him like this. We pulled back from the hug and I used my thumb to wipe his tears. We changed in silence. Before we left the room, I put my hands on his waist and kissed his lips. ‘Cause for all I know, it may be my last chance to. The kiss was different from our other kisses, it wasn’t heated or sweet or romantic, it was heartbreaking. We pulled back from the kiss and left the room. The courtroom was filled, my eyes scanned every single face in that room, hoping to see my parents but they weren’t there. Gemma was, and Katy and Niall and even Zayn and Perrie. The attorney lead us to our seats in front. The judge took her place and the trial began. 

There were so many people in that room that I had known all my life and yet they looked at me as if I were a stranger. Louis took the stand first. 

“Before I say whether I declare guilty or not, I have a few things to say. Have any of you ever fallen in love? Have you ever had that feeling of butterflies in your stomach whenever you’re with that someone? Have you ever looked into your lovers eyes and felt infinite, like you could take on the world? I may only be in my early twenties but I know what love is and I was taught all my life that loving a guy was wrong and I never questioned that until I met Harry. I stand before you today and I am not ashamed to say that I am in love with Harry Styles. Send me prison or kill me, I don’t care anymore. This man, has made my life worth living again, made me believe in love again. So go ahead, send me to the gallows but for what? For falling in love? When did falling in love become a crime next to murder? When did falling in love cause your own parents to beat you or stop loving you? When did love become something punishable by death? I can’t change the fact that I’m in love with Harry, and I wouldn’t want to. But are we really to blame for following our hearts? For falling in love?” Louis stepped off the panel after telling the judge he was declaring guilty. He took his seat beside me and I laced our fingers together. Numerous people from local churches took the panel and spoke about how homosexuality was wrong. I was called to the panel and went up there. 

“I’ve always been a fan of Romeo & Juliet. Fascinated by their love for each other. How they were willing to do anything for each other. In a way, I know how it feels to be them. I fell in love with a man, and well for some reason here that’s outlawed. But Romeo and Juliet were not to blame for falling in love. And neither are we. A wiseman once said, “love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” We cannot choose who we fall in love with, but we do choose whether we accept it or not. And I do, I accept the fact that I love Louis but does that really make me a criminal? Does that mean I should be sent to the gallows? Years ago in America, whites couldn’t marry blacks, but now look around this room, there are both blacks and whites together in one room and some are in love with each other. I’d like to hope that someday that’s the same for homosexuals. I declare guilty.” I left the stand and sat back down beside Louis. It was now up to the jury. The jury members decided rather fast. They handed a paper to the judge which the she smiled at. 

“Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, you are both found guilty of Sodomy and are punished upon death.” I shook my head, deep down I knew this was going to happen. Most people in the audience left with smiles on their faces. I noticed Gemma and Niall hug each other, they were both sobbing into each other’s embrace. Zayn had tears falling down his cheeks as he left the building with a cigarette in hand. They put handcuffs around Louis’ and my hands and lead us out of the courtroom. We were put on a small bus with some other prisoners and were taken to the death penalty prison. It couldn’t end this way. It just couldn’t. We didn’t deserve to go this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two chapters left of book one! im still working on book two but ill try to put it up as soon as book one is finished. okay so a lot happens in this chapter.   
> themes:  
> 1\. one cannot help who they fall in love with but they can chose how to deal with that fact.  
> 2\. at the end of day, we would do anything for the ones we love  
> 3\. love is not a crime, it is beautiful and something everyone should be able to experience in life.


	40. Chapter XXXIX: Execute

The bus pulled up to a vacant building with fences that went far up to the sky, the building itself was beat up and the paint was coming off. We were lead by guards through the fence which looked to be electric. The guard typed in a code which opened the doors. The inside didn’t look any better than the outside. The lights were very dim, like they were afraid the light would give us hope. There was no eating area like at the last prison nor a visiting area, this prison solely consisted of cells that were locked to excessive extent. The people in the cells were stripped of hope and smiles, they had a dull spiritless look in their eyes that let you know they were days away from execution. They lead us to the very back. I could see a door in the middle of the wall by the cells. The door had no window and was metal, so you couldn’t see what was on the other side. There was a keypad on the wall by the door to type in a password in order to get in, along with several regular key locks. What ever was on the other side of that door must of been valuable. They took us to the cells by the door where we spotted Luke and Ashton. The cells were like the others, as in there was a metal wall between each cell but they were much smaller. We were placed in our separate cells. The guard put the passcode into the door by us; 666 and opened it. It was bright, lot of light on the other side of the door that lead me to think it was the way out. There was one guard that stood by the door, making sure it was locked once closed. The guard left our hallway and went to check on the other cells. 

“So you two were declared guilty too,” Ashton said in a sad voice. I nodded my head. I looked around the cell, there wasn’t even a bed only a small overused toilet and sink. 

“Where do they expect us to sleep, the floor?” I asked as I noted the floor was stained of blood. There were about five other prisoners in our row, most looked like they were already dead. 

“Liam stayed in that cell,” I heard Louis say referring to the cell way at the end that reeked of blood. There was no one in the cell currently, the door was open revealing the blood stained walls and sink. 

“He killed himself before his execution.” It was like I could see his bleeding body on the floor, draining blood from his body. 

“How?” We had all seated ourselves on the floor of the cells since there was nowhere else to sit. 

“Banged his head against the sink until his skull was popping out.” I cringed at the visual I got in my mind. Liam smashing his head repeatedly into the metal of the sink, blood rushing from his head as he falls to the floor lifeless. 

“Do any of you know what’s behind that door?” I asked as I stared at the door. Everyone shook their heads. I looked at the outside of the cell noticing the cells were locked with a padlock and key. I put my hand on through the bars and typed on the padlock the same numbers that were used on the door, it opened, but there was still the key lock. The other boys watched me with smirks on their faces. 

“I have an idea,” I told them. I could hear Louis move closer to the bars so he could listen. 

“Each of these have a padlock, the passcode is the same for the door, all we have to do to escape is get the keys from the guard and we’ll be able to get out of here using that door, that has to be the door out, the two guards haven’t returned from there.” A grin grew on each of our faces. 

“How will we get the keys?” Luke asked. I looked around, there was no keys hanging on the wall like in the movies. 

“We’ll have to steal them from the guard, one of us could distract him while the other grabs the keys from him.” 

“I’ll distract the guard, and you can steal the keys since you know the passcode number,” Louis said. 

“What about if we get out? Where will we go?” Ashton asked. I thought for a moment and remembered the fencing and a place I saw on the way here. 

“There’s a dock where boats are, we could go there and chances are there will be a boat and we can hop on it.” The smiles only got wider. 

“We’re going to get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's only one more chapter after this. i have some question for you all, i had always planned on doing a sequel but frankly ive lost my inspiration so my question to all of you is do you want a sequel?


	41. XL: Elude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ― Paulo Coelho
> 
> Harry Styles had always been captivated by Forbidden Love but what happens when he finds himself falling for a boy in a town that goes far past just being homophobic.

“Hey, guard,” Louis called. It was late afternoon the next day. The guard walked over to Louis’ cell. 

“Are we ever going to get food?” he asked. I slipped my hand through the bars and gently unclipped the keys from his belt. 

“So you are never going to feed us?” I slipped the keys in my pocket and signal to Louis. We waited until all of the night shift guards have arrived and fallen asleep. I pulled out the keys from my pocket and unlock my cell after typing in the passcode. All of the prisoners watched my every move. I typed the passcode in and unlock each of Louis’, Luke’s and Ashton’s cells. The prisoners sent me a desperate glare that pleads for me to release them too but I don’t. They followed me over to the door which I type in the code and put numerous keys into their locks. I opened the door and was blinded by the light. We stepped into the room, closing the door behind us. Once our eyes adjust to the lighting, we stare at the pile of dead bodies in the middle of the large room. The entire room is filled with dead bodies piled up to the ceiling. We look to one another with scared eyes. Louis was the first to move. He walked right up to the pile of dead bodies without fear. 

“Liam,” he said as tears fell from his eyes. I found the strength to walk over to him. He was pointing at a deceased body of a boy my age, his skull had cracked through the skin and there was dry blood all over him. His nose was red and the bone was sticking through, his eyes were somehow still open but were lifeless. We backed away from him, my eyes examining every single decreased body, almost all of them had a line on the neck, marking where the rope was. 

“Come on, Har.” I turned back around and followed Louis through the bodies, jumping from tile to tile. On the other side of the pile of bodies was another door. I looked behind me seeing Luke and Ashton close behind. There was another padlock on the door but no place for a key. I typed in the code into the pad and the door opened. It opened to reveal the outside. It was still dark out with only the moon and stars to light up the outside. We stepped outside, closing the door behind us. A yard in front of us was the fence going up to the sky. We were surrounded by the gallows. We walked past them quickly, getting to the out gate. We could hear some shouting behind us. 

“We need to hurry up,” Louis told me. I typed in the code and the gate slid open. We run through, it sliding back close behind us. We heard more shouting and saw the guards running out of the prison building. We ran down the hill, and over to the dock by the ocean. There’s a cruise ship about to leave the dock, we run to the dock. 

“Tickets?” the guy ask, but we run onboard, knocking the guy in the water. We catch our breaths hearing the guards shouting as they run out of the prison. The boat is released from the deck and we never looked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's the last chapter of book 1, it looks like im doing a sequel due to popular demand. however, i need time to finish the sequel before i post it so i will probably post the summary and maybe the prologue but the i wont officially start posting regularly for the sequel until February 14, 2015. i'll give you more details on the sequel when i post the summary for it.


End file.
